Semi-finals: Clutterbuck vs. UnbornBuddha - (Clutterbuck wins)

Mr. J · 06-26-2015, 08:16 PM

It's been a long journey gentlemen, on that note...CHEERS!!

Unborn, I have enjoyed watching you progress further into this
you sir are definitely an underrated writer in your own right.
You are one of the few to keep up with me in the cypher...
your stream of consciousness is greater than most writers possess
the style has switched up as you defeated opponent after opponent
i appreciate the form in which you wrote this piece, quite the cast you added on.
from the start of the verse you have me captured in your use of words

They’re an inferior species with attachments to crime, addicts to vice
With reactive eyes for death like flies that are attracted to light
This isn’t a misanthropic cry or a fulfillment of a vanity of mine!
It is my former human self, thinking about the maladies survived
Before my mutation,
My soul carried the Holocaust and its tragedies inside
Reality’s mileage has driven my humanity to die

I really enjoyed that, but the switch up with X's mansion and so on threw me off
the issue is the transitioning for me, it just seems clunky after the build from the beginning
otherwise I felt aside from the ending you had a really nicely written verse.
You have earned your way to the end, and it's almost in your grips...

Lars, your piece is a clutterbuck of information to take in...
your flow is amazing this time around and you throw so much at the reader
I understand what Vulgar meant by being quick with the storyline
although you have shown that aspect numerous times, my favorite being the mask topic
you find a different way you work around your topic and make it come off effortless
it's been a joy watching you toy with each topic to be honest..
and this was littered with quotables as well as more lines for inspiration..

Second World was a man-made augmented reality
that was perfectly translated from a numerical tapestry.
Was there a connection I hadn't seen that was hidden as well?
I sensed that there had to be, so I continued to delve!

your grasp on wording makes the read more worthwhile than most
I rarely see the word tapestry & to find it lingering about like its all good
then to stumble across the use of the word delve, shit man, you are smooth
to most it may just be a word, but it's your use that makes it memorable
all around great verse...

v/This would have been a tough decision just based off the names
but Lars came through with one of the best written's so far..
his ability to manipulate a sentence and have it make sense while not missing a beat
smh, his tenacity has gone unmatched as far as I'm concerned
and he won this round, respect to both writers for making it this far...
congrats fellas

v/Lars

06-26-2015, 08:16 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	It's been a long journey gentlemen, on that note...CHEERS!! Unborn, I have enjoyed watching you progress further into this you sir are definitely an underrated writer in your own right. You are one of the few to keep up with me in the cypher... your stream of consciousness is greater than most writers possess the style has switched up as you defeated opponent after opponent i appreciate the form in which you wrote this piece, quite the cast you added on. from the start of the verse you have me captured in your use of words They’re an inferior species with attachments to crime, addicts to vice With reactive eyes for death like flies that are attracted to light This isn’t a misanthropic cry or a fulfillment of a vanity of mine! It is my former human self, thinking about the maladies survived Before my mutation, My soul carried the Holocaust and its tragedies inside Reality’s mileage has driven my humanity to die I really enjoyed that, but the switch up with X's mansion and so on threw me off the issue is the transitioning for me, it just seems clunky after the build from the beginning otherwise I felt aside from the ending you had a really nicely written verse. You have earned your way to the end, and it's almost in your grips... Lars, your piece is a clutterbuck of information to take in... your flow is amazing this time around and you throw so much at the reader I understand what Vulgar meant by being quick with the storyline although you have shown that aspect numerous times, my favorite being the mask topic you find a different way you work around your topic and make it come off effortless it's been a joy watching you toy with each topic to be honest.. and this was littered with quotables as well as more lines for inspiration.. Second World was a man-made augmented reality that was perfectly translated from a numerical tapestry. Was there a connection I hadn't seen that was hidden as well? I sensed that there had to be, so I continued to delve! your grasp on wording makes the read more worthwhile than most I rarely see the word tapestry & to find it lingering about like its all good then to stumble across the use of the word delve, shit man, you are smooth to most it may just be a word, but it's your use that makes it memorable all around great verse... v/This would have been a tough decision just based off the names but Lars came through with one of the best written's so far.. his ability to manipulate a sentence and have it make sense while not missing a beat smh, his tenacity has gone unmatched as far as I'm concerned and he won this round, respect to both writers for making it this far... congrats fellas v/Lars __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you Last edited by Mr. J; 06-29-2015 at 06:35 PM.