AOWL Week 9 Contendership: Red Glare (5-2) vs. Adonis (4-1) [RED GLARE WINS, 10-0.]

[Soulstice]

adonis - ok well bullshit could be substituted for a word with more substance and meaning. i recently wrote that the opener and closer are the two most important lines in a piece, as they tie everything together and open everything up (obviously) but it is a writers chance to do it in a brief, opetic, manner and truly showcase writing ability. your ending was cerebral and clever though. who doesnt like taking a drink to relax, or indulging in whatever vice it may be that gets you through the day. the portrait of the psyche and the slight narrative of the descent combined two supposedly done concepts to make it a bit more personal and original, however i dont ever think the duality of angels and demons will ever be truly "played". its simply to inherent. mechanicswise, something about your syllable count between multi rhymes seems off to me. every now and then it stutters. sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt and here it sort of tripped me up a bit. mechanical critique falls by the wayside here but in a battle it almost always give you the edge (somewhat been giving feed regarding the actual battle aspect of a battle rather than taking two pieces for what they are also seems taboo/not really done, but hey, i appreciate some tight mechanics and flow a la sacrifice/3pa/blacketh.. the list goes on). anyways, made a split decision to vote on this battle before i leave, and its a piece im glad i read before i head out.

red glare - certainly a good way to set it off. something thats brutally underutilizted is the use of non rhyme story progression and origin. it gives a whole lot of background/plot when you are writing in a limited space and may very well draw out the piece if you rhyme the whole story.this way, the pessimism was already noted in our charcter. the optimism at the end showed change in the character, nd of course discovering the value of human life in a child he helped conceived fueled him to this development, and the personification of things like optimism, god (kind of a character but more of a plot device in this), and the peering light at the end of the tunnel (well done there) were the engine to this piece. dialogue was good, but sometimes your wording is off and it requires a suspension of critique to truly enjoy it, because sometimes im left scratching my head. sheers utensils, indespensible schedules, some other slightly off bits. hey we all arent perfect but it seems to be a recurring theme in your pieces. while i think you are a fantastic writer and of course this helps your flow, if this one aspect was to be improved upon you would be launched into another echelon of topicality entirely.

v- red glare for what boiled down to story telling ability. and enjoyment