AOWL Week 9: ZenLand (4-4) vs. Just Write (0-1) [ZENLAND WINS, 7-2.]

zygote · 04-15-2013, 04:51 AM

Zenland, good focus to go for the emotional route. Felt that because the topic was humans you did not need a complicated plot or themes, just writing with a strong emotional angle. You writing was effective in bringing out emotional response, references to the father, churches, prayer etc all provocative and have strong emotional bases for many.

Just Write, it was too descriptive for too long, only in the last paragraph did you start reveal some of the themes that had real strength. E.g., instead of showing desperation from describing shrieking women, disasters etc your themes near the end of human dependence on robots would have been much stronger to pursue. Perhaps more elaboration on those parts would have been stronger. Voted for Zenland.

04-15-2013, 04:51 AM	#10
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Zenland, good focus to go for the emotional route. Felt that because the topic was humans you did not need a complicated plot or themes, just writing with a strong emotional angle. You writing was effective in bringing out emotional response, references to the father, churches, prayer etc all provocative and have strong emotional bases for many. Just Write, it was too descriptive for too long, only in the last paragraph did you start reveal some of the themes that had real strength. E.g., instead of showing desperation from describing shrieking women, disasters etc your themes near the end of human dependence on robots would have been much stronger to pursue. Perhaps more elaboration on those parts would have been stronger. Voted for Zenland.