WK4 CHAMP : Certain(3-0) vs. CopyPat(3-0) -- Certain 6-3

asylum · 10-26-2014, 10:12 PM

copypat - i would like periods and commas at the end of your lines to guide flow. but that's just me. you started VERY strong. .. should've kept editing. would've got u the win. there was a huge jump immediately following from hunter gatherers to 1800's war. i'm okay with that.. at the end, you did go as far as to say preservation's taking root...buuut... i wasn't too satisfied with the ending. i think most of your strength was in the beginning.. and u kinda trailed off at the point where we are currently fucked. some solution to our problem would've been cool... felt like you lost interest a bit.

certain - your plot twist was extremely effective. didn't see it coming at all, although you did build up to it nicely.
"It's not a date. It's a group thing. Kim, me, a couple guys.
We're just going to the movies." Chaste, she tugged her side
to make sure that daisy dress covered her thighs.
"Come back inside."
somehow from here, i knew something was coming.. good signal. good writing. left me wondering why. you said Tom a lot. that was a little awkward. but you did follow through with names used in the scheme in your last stanza. so it evened out. good imagery. ended rather abruptly, didn't get too grimey, stayed classy.

/v certain - his piece felt more complete this week. i think copypat could've EASILY taken it if he would've kept up the pace from beginning to end, but he kinda trailed off and his conclusion wasn't as satisfactory as his opponents. nice battle tho. close call.

10-26-2014, 10:12 PM	#10
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 999 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214211	copypat - i would like periods and commas at the end of your lines to guide flow. but that's just me. you started VERY strong. .. should've kept editing. would've got u the win. there was a huge jump immediately following from hunter gatherers to 1800's war. i'm okay with that.. at the end, you did go as far as to say preservation's taking root...buuut... i wasn't too satisfied with the ending. i think most of your strength was in the beginning.. and u kinda trailed off at the point where we are currently fucked. some solution to our problem would've been cool... felt like you lost interest a bit. certain - your plot twist was extremely effective. didn't see it coming at all, although you did build up to it nicely. "It's not a date. It's a group thing. Kim, me, a couple guys. We're just going to the movies." Chaste, she tugged her side to make sure that daisy dress covered her thighs. "Come back inside." somehow from here, i knew something was coming.. good signal. good writing. left me wondering why. you said Tom a lot. that was a little awkward. but you did follow through with names used in the scheme in your last stanza. so it evened out. good imagery. ended rather abruptly, didn't get too grimey, stayed classy. /v certain - his piece felt more complete this week. i think copypat could've EASILY taken it if he would've kept up the pace from beginning to end, but he kinda trailed off and his conclusion wasn't as satisfactory as his opponents. nice battle tho. close call. Last edited by asylum; 10-26-2014 at 10:14 PM.