No-showed verse from AOWL

zygote · 10-19-2014, 03:26 AM

It's good, there was room for more expansion in writing about how the character's ethics became corrupted by their profit seeking. I also agree with the 'Tuesday' comment. Sometimes on this website individuals write about 'forcing rhymes' (meaning trying to rhyme words that don't really rhyme) but I think that is a lesser crime than trying to force a sentence with a 'perfect' multiple rhyme. Even a single rhyme with the same intention might have been superior to a kind of odd offhand comment about Tuesdays. That is the only area for criticism. The first four sentences were exceptional. Especially how they were so short and direct. It meshed well with the subject matter (the reporting of results).

10-19-2014, 03:26 AM	#11
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	It's good, there was room for more expansion in writing about how the character's ethics became corrupted by their profit seeking. I also agree with the 'Tuesday' comment. Sometimes on this website individuals write about 'forcing rhymes' (meaning trying to rhyme words that don't really rhyme) but I think that is a lesser crime than trying to force a sentence with a 'perfect' multiple rhyme. Even a single rhyme with the same intention might have been superior to a kind of odd offhand comment about Tuesdays. That is the only area for criticism. The first four sentences were exceptional. Especially how they were so short and direct. It meshed well with the subject matter (the reporting of results).