Glare- First off this set of bars stood out and just fuckin killed it IMO:
Quote:
"the masked-men; the black smith; the rabid, the droid
all caught in my auras omega-blast and destroyed.
the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;
the non-believers are captured; dispatched as employed "
|
^^This is where the piece picked up its momentum and never died. LOL...I was like thats fuckin insane right there. I am a fan of momentous drops. The rhyme scheme at the end of each line was prolly tough to continue but you pulled it off. Thats pure skill bruh.
Frank- When I began to read these lines I was hooked in:
Quote:
"It was August 7th. The expedition lead us to a remote land; north of our villa.
Our mules saddled with swords, porridge and silver
The lush green jungle back drop was dead gorgeous -
Picture the glimmer of the reflective surface of water; our ancestors mirror;
Rushing, along and you are hardly remembered."
|
^^That was a very nice blast of imagery. I could see this going on as the words float over my eyes.
Quote:
Frank-"We are standing in the very spot that bore our predecessors;
The great frontier; this imaginary line forms the sectors;
The forgotten man; drawing sand script - sanskrit - foreign letters"
|
^^I love how you described this
Overall I think Frank edges this one out. It was the added bursts of imagery that he put in. I can't really see anything wrong with either so I had to go on the main thing that stood out the most.
V-Frank
04-02-2013, 01:22 PM
Threaded Mode