Round 1: 15. Defiant vs. 2. oats \\ oats wins 6-0

Objective · 08-31-2014, 05:02 PM

Defiant - Interesting verse, I liked it. However, what happened? Why is he paralyzed? Was it an accident caused by driving drunk, or what? Did he wake up in a hospital bed or at home? I think that if certain questions like these had been answered and more clear it would have made the verse/story as a whole more complete. I think it wouldn't have been difficult to add those tiny bits of information in here either. It could also be that this is his ''better half'' leaving him as well, but there's no real indication of a more abstract concept here to make me think that this was what you were going for.
Overall it was cool, but I felt like it lacked a little bit of crucial information to what really happened here, or what your verse is all about.

Oats - Really enjoyed the tree/humans/life in general-concept you were going for. You covered a lot in just 10 lines, nothing was hard to grasp or understand in this one. It got a rather dark atmosphere with hints of hope for the future, dope shit.

Vote - Oats for a more complete verse and better overall. Cool battle.

08-31-2014, 05:02 PM	#10
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	Defiant - Interesting verse, I liked it. However, what happened? Why is he paralyzed? Was it an accident caused by driving drunk, or what? Did he wake up in a hospital bed or at home? I think that if certain questions like these had been answered and more clear it would have made the verse/story as a whole more complete. I think it wouldn't have been difficult to add those tiny bits of information in here either. It could also be that this is his ''better half'' leaving him as well, but there's no real indication of a more abstract concept here to make me think that this was what you were going for. Overall it was cool, but I felt like it lacked a little bit of crucial information to what really happened here, or what your verse is all about. Oats - Really enjoyed the tree/humans/life in general-concept you were going for. You covered a lot in just 10 lines, nothing was hard to grasp or understand in this one. It got a rather dark atmosphere with hints of hope for the future, dope shit. Vote - Oats for a more complete verse and better overall. Cool battle. __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 08-31-2014 at 05:04 PM.