Round 1: 13. jilti vs. 4. NYCSPITZ \\ jilti wins 8-5

Cormier · 08-30-2014, 05:30 PM

hmmmmm, tough choice.

NYC, i think your verse was technically more advanced than Jilti's. the wording, vocab and imagery were all a notch above. I like Huxley, so i enjoyed the allusions. where i think this verse suffered was the fact that it had to be 10 lines. i think the topic gets lost a little in there and the whole thing just seems a little muddled.

Jilti, i always enjoy when people try to add some humor to their verses. i try to be humorous in my writing quite often, but too many people never even attempt it. it can be quite hard to do. the writing itself was decent, but nothing to write home to mom about. just solid. where i think you succeeded over NYC is that you told a complete story in your 10 lines. i think that is going to be the biggest thing for people going through this tournament. who can say the most in their 10 lines?

hmmm, NYC was better from a technical standpoint, Jilti was better from a completeness and clarity standpoint. I think in this format of i have to go with the verse that achieves wholeness because i think that's the whole point of this tournament. with a 20 or 30 line max i'm almost totally sure my vote would be different, but with 10 lines there it is.

VOTE= Jilti

08-30-2014, 05:30 PM	#6
Cormier Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 16 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 0	hmmmmm, tough choice. NYC, i think your verse was technically more advanced than Jilti's. the wording, vocab and imagery were all a notch above. I like Huxley, so i enjoyed the allusions. where i think this verse suffered was the fact that it had to be 10 lines. i think the topic gets lost a little in there and the whole thing just seems a little muddled. Jilti, i always enjoy when people try to add some humor to their verses. i try to be humorous in my writing quite often, but too many people never even attempt it. it can be quite hard to do. the writing itself was decent, but nothing to write home to mom about. just solid. where i think you succeeded over NYC is that you told a complete story in your 10 lines. i think that is going to be the biggest thing for people going through this tournament. who can say the most in their 10 lines? hmmm, NYC was better from a technical standpoint, Jilti was better from a completeness and clarity standpoint. I think in this format of i have to go with the verse that achieves wholeness because i think that's the whole point of this tournament. with a 20 or 30 line max i'm almost totally sure my vote would be different, but with 10 lines there it is. VOTE= Jilti