My Favorite Fucking Fling.

Vulgar · 07-11-2014, 09:59 PM

I thought this was pretty decent, Geno, with highlighted moments. Your style isn't a chore to read and I liked how the structure was broken up into three verses. I got to know the main character's voice well, partly because I'm already acquainted with your track personality from SoundCloud. lol @ pick the old lady up. It would have been cool to see you get into why the relationship / marriage got stale, or why the main character lost interest in his present girl. There's usually specific reasons, and you said she was crazy, but crazy about what? More info would be more engaging and provide more opportunities for humor.

Nothing less for something more, this is where my fall has come
I've Never felt as good as this, or as bad, and all at once
^This is where you shine. Set ups, phrasing and rhythmic accuracy.

Nice drop sir.

Keep doing you

07-11-2014, 09:59 PM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	I thought this was pretty decent, Geno, with highlighted moments. Your style isn't a chore to read and I liked how the structure was broken up into three verses. I got to know the main character's voice well, partly because I'm already acquainted with your track personality from SoundCloud. lol @ pick the old lady up. It would have been cool to see you get into why the relationship / marriage got stale, or why the main character lost interest in his present girl. There's usually specific reasons, and you said she was crazy, but crazy about what? More info would be more engaging and provide more opportunities for humor. Nothing less for something more, this is where my fall has come I've Never felt as good as this, or as bad, and all at once ^This is where you shine. Set ups, phrasing and rhythmic accuracy. Nice drop sir. Keep doing you