Week 2: sacrifice (0-1) vs. Objective (0-1) \\ sacrifice wins 6-5

Just Write · 03-08-2014, 08:49 PM

I missed this one.

Objective,
lol this was better than last weeks bro. I really liked the story and i felt you progressed it well and didn't rush it or lack amything anywhere. It was pretty predictable though and also had some flaws in the flow as well as spelling. I think you said adviced instead of advised but thats just me nit picking really and I do the same thing which kinda makes me a hypocrite huh? Hmmm. Anyways back to the piece. You have this dad who is trying to teach his kid about fighting for your freedom and wants to go to this rally to support the cause, cool. I think the first verse portrayed that well and was probably my favorite of the piece. What i didnt like is the abrupt introdyction of leo. Like i wish you would have said him, his son and friend leo went to the rally or something. It took me a second to connect "his friend" to being leo is all im saying. Lol the russian guy was awesome, really enjoyed that part. The rest way the very predictable part, and i got a whole underground slavery feel from it. I dunno

Sacrifice,
Hmmmm, deep. This was one of those joints you'd here in a poetry club on a friday night. A real soulful feel to it. Very poetic. What i got from this was someone fighting with himself and with his demons. He want to quit but he just can't kick the habit. Been there, strong verse. The second verse almost seemed like an entire different piece, like it was written seperate or at a different time, it was about a girl... idk. I don't see the connection here beaides the tie-in chorus right after. I don't know i just wish you would have either stuck with the first verse alone or made it longer on the subject change. It was just odd for me.

This battle is up in the air for me, you have a well told story with beginning, middle and ending vs. A very strong emotional piece about addiction and waking up before its to late, then the verse about a girl which leaves me confused.. idk, maybe im just not seeing it but im going to have to go with objective on the grounds of i think his related to the topic better

Mvgt=objective

03-08-2014, 08:49 PM	#4
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	I missed this one. Objective, lol this was better than last weeks bro. I really liked the story and i felt you progressed it well and didn't rush it or lack amything anywhere. It was pretty predictable though and also had some flaws in the flow as well as spelling. I think you said adviced instead of advised but thats just me nit picking really and I do the same thing which kinda makes me a hypocrite huh? Hmmm. Anyways back to the piece. You have this dad who is trying to teach his kid about fighting for your freedom and wants to go to this rally to support the cause, cool. I think the first verse portrayed that well and was probably my favorite of the piece. What i didnt like is the abrupt introdyction of leo. Like i wish you would have said him, his son and friend leo went to the rally or something. It took me a second to connect "his friend" to being leo is all im saying. Lol the russian guy was awesome, really enjoyed that part. The rest way the very predictable part, and i got a whole underground slavery feel from it. I dunno Sacrifice, Hmmmm, deep. This was one of those joints you'd here in a poetry club on a friday night. A real soulful feel to it. Very poetic. What i got from this was someone fighting with himself and with his demons. He want to quit but he just can't kick the habit. Been there, strong verse. The second verse almost seemed like an entire different piece, like it was written seperate or at a different time, it was about a girl... idk. I don't see the connection here beaides the tie-in chorus right after. I don't know i just wish you would have either stuck with the first verse alone or made it longer on the subject change. It was just odd for me. This battle is up in the air for me, you have a well told story with beginning, middle and ending vs. A very strong emotional piece about addiction and waking up before its to late, then the verse about a girl which leaves me confused.. idk, maybe im just not seeing it but im going to have to go with objective on the grounds of i think his related to the topic better Mvgt=objective __________________