Real Talk

zygote · 01-14-2014, 07:24 PM

Easily relatable writing. We’ve been there too with you, where a woman seemed good at first then in your mind you thought how you could do better “i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true” – and this part too was good “There's no going down that road again, i see you're done” – only part didn’t enjoy was the one true love part, I do this often, almost every relationship after a while, just look for excuses to self-destruct it, so would prefer to make it more than ‘one’ true love, give it a bit more of a sense of abnormal normalcy/ingrained behavior, but your line works too, so it’s only a personal thing. Also the line about ‘couldn’t handle responsibility’ seemed a bit one-dimensional, there are often many other selfish reasons too, would have been nice to a read a few more. “So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions
Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected" Those two lines sum it all up really well. Excellent writing that struck a nerve. The title could have perhaps been a bit more descriptive too.

01-14-2014, 07:24 PM	#2
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Easily relatable writing. We’ve been there too with you, where a woman seemed good at first then in your mind you thought how you could do better “i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true” – and this part too was good “There's no going down that road again, i see you're done” – only part didn’t enjoy was the one true love part, I do this often, almost every relationship after a while, just look for excuses to self-destruct it, so would prefer to make it more than ‘one’ true love, give it a bit more of a sense of abnormal normalcy/ingrained behavior, but your line works too, so it’s only a personal thing. Also the line about ‘couldn’t handle responsibility’ seemed a bit one-dimensional, there are often many other selfish reasons too, would have been nice to a read a few more. “So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected" Those two lines sum it all up really well. Excellent writing that struck a nerve. The title could have perhaps been a bit more descriptive too.