Week 9 - Mr. J (5-3) vs. NYCSPITZ (3-3) - NYCSPITZ WINS 8-0

Vulgar · 11-25-2013, 01:15 AM

NYCSPITZ - You took the picture very literally, lol. Very accurate interpretation in this case. Was it too faithful, maybe? In my extensive lyrical analysis *pushes up glasses and breathes fire* your capabilities and techniques were on display here, but I don't know if you took it completely seriously. The first line was like a line of a roast. Illustrative, summarizing the image as one might a movie poster, putting it in perspective to someone who may have never seen it. That aspect wasn't as thrilling to me as it might've been if you treated this character in a more 'delicate' fashion, if that makes sense? Then again, I'm picky and have been reading your verses for awhile.

"She could pack for the midnight train or stay and collapse"
^Ill.

Mr. J - Great topic manipulation. Decent way of going about it. Wasn't really impressed with this one though, I've seen better work from you. The tone was almost lazy, like you were airy and not insistent enough. A "writer's voice" is a disadvantage in this jungle; I don't know what your voice would sound like, nor the pitch or pace of your cadence, so I read this in a slow, calm voice. Nas-like. I agree with the idea of the piece, but can't help but come away from it with a plain view attained from it.

Vote - NYCSPITZ

11-25-2013, 01:15 AM	#12
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	NYCSPITZ - You took the picture very literally, lol. Very accurate interpretation in this case. Was it too faithful, maybe? In my extensive lyrical analysis pushes up glasses and breathes fire your capabilities and techniques were on display here, but I don't know if you took it completely seriously. The first line was like a line of a roast. Illustrative, summarizing the image as one might a movie poster, putting it in perspective to someone who may have never seen it. That aspect wasn't as thrilling to me as it might've been if you treated this character in a more 'delicate' fashion, if that makes sense? Then again, I'm picky and have been reading your verses for awhile. "She could pack for the midnight train or stay and collapse" ^Ill. Mr. J - Great topic manipulation. Decent way of going about it. Wasn't really impressed with this one though, I've seen better work from you. The tone was almost lazy, like you were airy and not insistent enough. A "writer's voice" is a disadvantage in this jungle; I don't know what your voice would sound like, nor the pitch or pace of your cadence, so I read this in a slow, calm voice. Nas-like. I agree with the idea of the piece, but can't help but come away from it with a plain view attained from it. Vote - NYCSPITZ