Week 4 - Clutter Buck (1-0) vs. Adonis (1-1) - ADONIS WINS 8-6

e11even · 10-20-2013, 07:15 PM

Adonis- Though I felt like I read almost the same thing in the Bags battle, this was pretty good for what it was. You rhymed consistently, the story had almost flawless progression, and did a great job of conveying emotion toward the middle and end. The only problem I had was some character development. The female had no personality and neither had an intimate backstory. It seemed ccompletely told from an on- looker's eyes, and then from the guy's pov at the end. Not a whole lot of depth to the characters. The ending was a decent twist, but nothing to write home about. It was cool to have the guy's reaction though. That set it straight imo. Overall good job.

Clutter- this topic felt lazily chosen. Your great scheming and consistency with staying on topic saved you in a big way. Great way to write on something I would deem not worthy to write about. This was overall a pleasant surprise despite your choice of subject. Good job.

You guys did great this week. The displays didn't exactly wow, but props on execution and faithfulness to rhyming well and not trailing off as I sometimes battle with. Since technically tbis was sound on both fronts, i'll hafta go with the subject choice I appreciated more. MVGT Adonis.

10-20-2013, 07:15 PM	#16
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Adonis- Though I felt like I read almost the same thing in the Bags battle, this was pretty good for what it was. You rhymed consistently, the story had almost flawless progression, and did a great job of conveying emotion toward the middle and end. The only problem I had was some character development. The female had no personality and neither had an intimate backstory. It seemed ccompletely told from an on- looker's eyes, and then from the guy's pov at the end. Not a whole lot of depth to the characters. The ending was a decent twist, but nothing to write home about. It was cool to have the guy's reaction though. That set it straight imo. Overall good job. Clutter- this topic felt lazily chosen. Your great scheming and consistency with staying on topic saved you in a big way. Great way to write on something I would deem not worthy to write about. This was overall a pleasant surprise despite your choice of subject. Good job. You guys did great this week. The displays didn't exactly wow, but props on execution and faithfulness to rhyming well and not trailing off as I sometimes battle with. Since technically tbis was sound on both fronts, i'll hafta go with the subject choice I appreciated more. MVGT Adonis. __________________ Ahem.