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Old 08-09-2013, 02:47 AM   #2
Split
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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The first scheme in your second verse is literally perfect. Almost reminiscent of Garfield by Hail Mary Mallon. Like the use of "proles file down iron shafts" a lot.

Hamas cops tailgate your trailblazer with spell waivers

I have found a minimum of three ways to interpret that sentence, *within* the context of the verse even, and have it mean something and make sense.

"All the want to do in Quebec" was an uncharacteristically weak transition, for me.


Adam's apple line was bittersweet, walnuts on an open fire style (I'm greedy for holiday spirits) (what is that celebrating anyways?????? Christianity isn't pagan LOL)

Everything after that washed over me, but it was pleasant and rich and fun fact: I have never had gumbo. Nor do I know what it means


This verse was great for me, incredibly patterned imagery coupled with lyrical brevity wrapped snug in a cable-knit, cashmere/ synaesthtic visio-thematic blend, bleeding into deep sea bends in the marinara meatball trench! If that makes sense (which it actually does if you look past the continental plate!)


Serious though. Fantastic rhyming in a entertaining and technically masterful package.

I hope your next year is not a wash, Mr. Vulgar
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