Week 1 Discussion Thread

[Certain]

@Adonis, here's the feedback promised for your verse:

The first 20 lines were individually strong characterization, but at a certain point I felt that you were repeating yourself, from a content perspective. I grasped the character pretty quickly, and while there was some nice wit shown, the content didn't move forward. That wouldn't have been as much of a problem had the ending, the turn, not sort of come out of nowhere. I don't think the dark turnaround really felt earned because it hadn't been properly introduced. So content-wise, the verse fell short for me.

But there was a lot of nice lyricism. A few of the conceptual and metaphorical descriptions worked well. And I did develop a very full sense of who this man is, more than simply a cliche. More concrete details might have helped, but the first person excused that to some degree as people often write about themselves without facing concrete details.

You used the challenge letters well, though I wasn't crazy about finishing the verse the way you did and leaping outside the concept and context of everything else you had written for that single last line. Besides, there are plenty of "W" words.

Your verse was good but showed the signs of someone who certainly can do better.