Week 3: Clutbuck vs objective- CLUT WINS

Adverse · 04-10-2020, 02:05 AM

Clutbuck, i liked the simple narrative of your verse, it wasn't a super compelx world bending topical, it was just a simple tale but i think it was told well. And i liked how everything came full circle in the end ans kind of wrapped it up neatly with a bow.

Objective - I like your writing man but i think aometimes it is overstuffed. You fit so much into one line and sometimes it's unfathomable, it starts bursting at the seams. It all starts blending together and i think the narrative you're trying to tell loses its way at times, i think the sporadic nature of your verses pays off in some cases, but i don't think it did here. That's just my opinion, i did like your topic though and like Scar said you had some amazing one liners but as an interwoven topical i don't think it worked well.

V/Clutbuck

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04-10-2020, 02:05 AM	#7
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Clutbuck, i liked the simple narrative of your verse, it wasn't a super compelx world bending topical, it was just a simple tale but i think it was told well. And i liked how everything came full circle in the end ans kind of wrapped it up neatly with a bow. Objective - I like your writing man but i think aometimes it is overstuffed. You fit so much into one line and sometimes it's unfathomable, it starts bursting at the seams. It all starts blending together and i think the narrative you're trying to tell loses its way at times, i think the sporadic nature of your verses pays off in some cases, but i don't think it did here. That's just my opinion, i did like your topic though and like Scar said you had some amazing one liners but as an interwoven topical i don't think it worked well. V/Clutbuck