dead man -- fly on the wall.

Otto Peighlaught · 06-26-2016, 05:47 PM

traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay.

corpse corridor to window-glass stains

now hang me out to dry. you can't wring out what's inside
ringing out into silence. i can't hear when you cry
tearing out my arteries one tear at a time

springtime orchestra. we watched it together
laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever

how we walk together wordlessly but talk to remember.
------------

I don't generally like to quote but I feel like those are glimpses of brilliance. The distance between the watcher and the characters is eerie, realistically eerie. You've brought this relationship to life with your words in a manner that is difficult to accept as the reader. It's humbling reading something that accurate. The fact that flow of thoughts/events is somewhat scatter-brained, while the whole is fluid is very impressive. Excellent stuff here, thank you.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Threaded Mode

06-26-2016, 05:47 PM	#8
Otto Peighlaught Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 3436003	traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay. corpse corridor to window-glass stains now hang me out to dry. you can't wring out what's inside ringing out into silence. i can't hear when you cry tearing out my arteries one tear at a time springtime orchestra. we watched it together laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever how we walk together wordlessly but talk to remember. ------------ I don't generally like to quote but I feel like those are glimpses of brilliance. The distance between the watcher and the characters is eerie, realistically eerie. You've brought this relationship to life with your words in a manner that is difficult to accept as the reader. It's humbling reading something that accurate. The fact that flow of thoughts/events is somewhat scatter-brained, while the whole is fluid is very impressive. Excellent stuff here, thank you.