3am is my prime

EtH · 09-14-2015, 04:41 PM

This was alright for a quick piece. The first half seemed disconnected from the second half which tells me that you just opened word or something and started writing, as opposed to having an idea or concept in mind before you kicked off. The rhyming was alright but a couple of times I felt was too strong, such as the "strength" in inferior strength, I know. I get that you were mainly rhyming the first and last sounds but strength is too strong (ironic) a word to just be conjunctive in this instance.

You can obviously write based on this though. Keep posting.

09-14-2015, 04:41 PM	#2
EtH Erebus Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 435 Battle Record: 6-1 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 3537335	This was alright for a quick piece. The first half seemed disconnected from the second half which tells me that you just opened word or something and started writing, as opposed to having an idea or concept in mind before you kicked off. The rhyming was alright but a couple of times I felt was too strong, such as the "strength" in inferior strength, I know. I get that you were mainly rhyming the first and last sounds but strength is too strong (ironic) a word to just be conjunctive in this instance. You can obviously write based on this though. Keep posting. __________________

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