I love him, she said.

[something]

Caught in a tailspin. A vortex of perspective and theory. Tornado of thoughts. Trapped in conception. The idea of conclusion scraping against my pursuit of perfection. Ever elusive. Clarity beyond my reach. Stalking through this haze. All I can see is my blindness. I'm saturated by regret. Dripping with indecision. Frozen by an awareness of shortcomings. Destiny manifested. The acknowledgement of failure doubling down on itself in a never ending loop. I dare you to step in front of my train of thought. Take a bullet for me. Be my sacrificial lamb. I'll eat you once I'm better. You were weak to jump on my grenade. I'll bleed you dry. Make me whole and I'll find someone better. Addicted to being your cure. Her cure. Or hers. Or hers. Some of them want to be abused. A timeline of give and take. Love lost. Love gained. Bitterness turned sweet. Memories fade and we've taken our turns. Taken our lumps. Fantasies I play out. Hopeful reunions. The lies we tell ourselves are the easiest to believe. Pour yourself another cup of denial. I'll watch you drink, but I won't tell you it's water, or truth. I won't bare witness to your destruction. I won't hold the hand pressing a barrel to your temple. I loved you. I won't lie to you. That's your job. Kill us. Bury us. Do your best to forget who I am. Drag my name through the mud. Discredit my character. Erase me. I'd erase you if I could. You're venom in my veins. A flaw I can't fix. Can you choose who you love? Be honest. Is there a giving you allow? Maybe it's not the giving, but the unwillingness to concede. Unrelenting loyalty. I'd eat your cancer up. I forgive you, you selfish piece of shit. Martyr. I'd lay in this grave just to prove a point. There's no decaying of flesh in this death I undertake. I am numb. Limbo feels like hell. Heaven feels mundane. Purgatory resident.