Objective vs fraze - (fraze wins)

Vulgar · 07-05-2015, 07:58 PM

Objective - This was a bit lackluster, for a couple of reasons. You didn't really have to use "rain" as the main focus of the piece. It could have served as a particular detail. Instead, you chose to give it central importance to the piece and it was a little on the weak side/vague in connection with a typical human mood or psyche. Rain is synonymous with dreariness and being worn out, down with the blues, etc. I got that aspect of the topic relation. It just wasn't stirring, the language felt very flat, IMO. Thanks for showing.

fraze - This was well written and rhymed, your threw in bravado and braggadocio for good measure. The mood throughout was confident and I was left hoping there were more stanzas because the execution was nice. Overall, good work.

My vote goes to fraze.

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07-05-2015, 07:58 PM	#12
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Objective - This was a bit lackluster, for a couple of reasons. You didn't really have to use "rain" as the main focus of the piece. It could have served as a particular detail. Instead, you chose to give it central importance to the piece and it was a little on the weak side/vague in connection with a typical human mood or psyche. Rain is synonymous with dreariness and being worn out, down with the blues, etc. I got that aspect of the topic relation. It just wasn't stirring, the language felt very flat, IMO. Thanks for showing. fraze - This was well written and rhymed, your threw in bravado and braggadocio for good measure. The mood throughout was confident and I was left hoping there were more stanzas because the execution was nice. Overall, good work. My vote goes to fraze.