Week 1: NYCSPITZ vs. Objective [NYCSPITZ wins, 9-1.]

[kannon]

NYCS. I feel like the few pieces of yours that I have read tend to be a bit vague, so it's nice to see this a little more direct. I have a slight issue with the line, "listen with eyes," just because I can't, for the life of me, make it make sense in my brain. I'm also not sure how I feel about your uncertainty in whether or not the monks were chanting in code. As the author of this piece, I feel like you should know haha. I feel like I'm being too finicky now. The piece is pretty good. It started out seeming like a secret society of sorts, and with all of the Masonic imagery in the topic picture, it makes sense. But in the end, it almost sounds more like a Matrix-esque army of rebels who were seeking refuge from some sort of threat to humanity. I just feel like there was maybe one more stanza that would have completed this story. We're not sure if this group of people is being led by a psychopath, or if they are indeed safe in an underground compound. It's a great start to a story, it just feels like the ending is missing. Cause it's a little anti-climactic where you ended it... Oh, shit. Unless this is just literally about the president and the USA. Nevermind. I get it now. We're all the assholes.

Objective. The flow of your piece started out super strong, but as I kept reading the lines kept getting longer, which was weird. But anyways... Story wise, this was pretty cool. I felt like the rhymes were super basic in the middle. Transform/Conform/Reform/Formed. Sounds less like you're rhyming and more like we're just reading the same word over and over again. I feel like your ideas got a little too abstract towards the end, to the point where it kinda started to lose meaning. In the end, it felt a bit unfinished, but based on the piece's length, I feel like you maybe didn't put 100% into this one. It ended up just kinda okay.

Vote is for New York City Spits