Week 1: Camp Bell vs. YDK [Camp bell wins, 7-4.]

Soulstice · 10-04-2014, 01:13 PM

Camp bell. That was pretty good. The flow was truly a strong point. The schooling bit was nice. It added an extra layer in a piece marked by a linear narrative and heavy rhynes. Nothing wrong with that approach but would've liked to see more oof stuff like schooling. Displays deeper skillset and makes for quite an enjoyable read.

Ydk - probably a better flow but it was clear you put an effort to display your mechanic skill rather than paint a vivid a picture and use clear or cleverly written phrases to bring the piece to the next level. Your take on the topic was nice and you seem to have a lot of rage against the status quo type bars in your verses. Noting the doctor and his patients being monsters was a nice dichotomy that seems prevalent at its base in a lot if your stuff. Cool. Keep working on personal stylistic things like that. Elongate them weave them into the imagery et ect. Best advice I can give to help you elevate I think.

Anyway voting campbell for using his language for vivid storytelling and dope flow vs mostly the latter for ydk

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10-04-2014, 01:13 PM	#10
Soulstice native system Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 387 Battle Record: 18-21 Champed - Short-Verse Topical Rep Power: 4453411	Camp bell. That was pretty good. The flow was truly a strong point. The schooling bit was nice. It added an extra layer in a piece marked by a linear narrative and heavy rhynes. Nothing wrong with that approach but would've liked to see more oof stuff like schooling. Displays deeper skillset and makes for quite an enjoyable read. Ydk - probably a better flow but it was clear you put an effort to display your mechanic skill rather than paint a vivid a picture and use clear or cleverly written phrases to bring the piece to the next level. Your take on the topic was nice and you seem to have a lot of rage against the status quo type bars in your verses. Noting the doctor and his patients being monsters was a nice dichotomy that seems prevalent at its base in a lot if your stuff. Cool. Keep working on personal stylistic things like that. Elongate them weave them into the imagery et ect. Best advice I can give to help you elevate I think. Anyway voting campbell for using his language for vivid storytelling and dope flow vs mostly the latter for ydk