lonely boy

[DexLabb]

this is not the "kind" of song i usually gravitate towards (toward?)
however, with this beat, and those stanzas, yes, absolutely a workable song.
from a technical standpoint personally i felt each stanza was a little bit better than the one prior. the first couple lines are little lame but i think the rest fit very well for the kind of piece that it is.
if lengthened it could keep going on about girl issues or go back to personal reflection, or look forward towards the future... or really where ever you wanted to take it.
girls in particular would dig this track. and im not joking or being condescending i'm serious. giving actual feed here.
the simplicity is good in that it is very evident how it would/could sound.
not exactly of course, but, for readers, damn close to your intentions. if you know what i'm saying.

thanks for that man, the first part is a bit disconnected from the second for sure. my style of writing is not really line for line but the verse as a whole.. but i can see exactly what you mean... i have been striving for simplicity for quite a while boiling things down
but when u do that, several parts tend to melt into one another...

thanks again dude