I called Veritas.

[Objective]

@Split: It's not in our control and it never will. We don't need to be in control for something to be real, but everything that ranges from emotions to thought patterns is a product of evolution in order for us to survive. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that belief.

@c.d.m.: Anxiety producing thoughts? Read my reply to Split. Also kinda afraid that I'll be lonely, but I know that wont happen because I got a lot of friends I consider as close and I know it's mutual. And no, haven't got that shit checked, there's waiting lists of up to to 2 years for brain scans if that is what you're aiming at. And that's people with recommendations from their doc. I've looked into it because this chick told me about and it helped her a lot tp understand her sleeping habits.

Average day; Wake up, be a lazy fuck, try to figure out shit to not be a lazy fuck and get motivated to be a working member of society again. Netflix, internet, netflix, poker, netflix, poker, ps3. If my energy is up; meeting up with friends or something. I never really plan anything, sometimes I get calls and I just head out if I got the energy for it. Don't really have a schedule when I do shit and when I don't.

I'm 24. I do not want to go into full detail on my familys psychiatric history on a public board as it involves people that isn't me. It's not too hard to find this account with some smart googling. Don't want my family on both sides to find out shit from a forum. I'd rather keep that to a minimum. However, if it counts for anything I wouldn't say that my childhood is a special case, but it wasn't easy at times either. But yo, who hasn't had a rough childhood? haha. If you want more info about things regarding family history I'll send that in a PM for the reasons stated above.

If it counts for anything: mental health has been an issue in the bloodline on my mothers side. Basicly depression etc. It might be part genetic and part real ish that I've had to deal with while growing up. Got bullied both physically and verbally for 2 years. Switched schools at the start of 8th grade after someone tried to shank me. Got new friends that I could trust alltho' I still don't trust a soul 80%.
I have no ''secrets'', when people ask me about my life irl I tell them straight up. That way people can't hurt me with facts because I don't give a fuck who knows. Whoever wants to use it against me just ends up in a bad light anyways. Middle school went fine, some dude tried to start shit, but that was the last time he did it as well. In high school I was among the popular kids. I've literally experienced all aspects that the school system has to offer beside of being a bully myself.