ROUND TWO: (1)dead man vs. (17)Witty - (DEAD MAN WINS 5-0)

[Lars]

Dizzamn, always hate voting on matches where the two are homies and crewmates, but then again by that token I know I'm in for a good read. Deadman: The fears you raised midweek in the chat thread were completely blown away, great verse and well written, I read it to do with the fact as long as you were a dreamer with belief in what you could achieve - none of the rules of social norm applied and you could do whatever you wanted. In your head while asleep, at least, you could achieve the impossible. Very well written verse here, loved the line about it being for the birds, thought that was a real standout here. History making emperors famous was another brilliant stroke of genius here too. All in all a solid showing, atypical Deadman style, but with enough substance to have us re-read it countless times and still find something we enjoyed.

Witness: You've always been a mechanics-heavy writer, and it still shows here, I like to think you got that from me. Lol. From a purely technical standpoint, I loved the back and forth and forth and back of the rhymes as you toyed with them, you know what you're doing and always seem to mix it up a few times in each verse rather than just adhere to a simpler form of AB-AB or something. It can help at times, but others it can be to the detriment of your writing, I've never been a fan of sections where they end like this:

They rip the skin from my bone, as their King sits on his throne
Prisoners prone; bowing before being tossed in the pit, a pitiful zone

There's something about that last rhyme; a pitiful zone that just seems broken from what you were saying previous to it. Almost like it was an afterthought or after the rest of the line was complete, you feel me? I can see WHY you did it given the scheme in the first time, I just personally am not a fan of those and so it stands out more to myself when reading even though it's only a minor thing. there were a couple of spots you did similar I noticed. The other main thing I feel to point out here is that because you were so mechanics-laden throughout, the concept wasn't really enough to grab me, or at least not developed enough to the point where I got to the end of it and let it resonate. I thought the line about 'justice being in death' was an original take to the topic, but just not adequately examined here, I'd have liked to have seen you really place that under the microscope and developed on it rather than just that final stanza coming down to a final 'twist' or 'reveal' without the stanzas before it all coming to a head. I know that may seem odd with it being a topical/storytelling piece, but there you have it. I am odd. I'm giving this to Deadman based on me preferring his tackling of the topic and creativity. Great battle, bros!