WRITE WEEK #2

[Vulgar]

@zygote, very original approach to the topic, but I wasn't wholly satisfied by this. You really neglected the rhyme scheme, even though it was interesting.

@Brian Bryan, nice work. Not overly exciting but well composed as a short, stand alone piece.

@VERITAS, pretty cool approach but I would be lying if I said it was funny. It was one of those vague smirk inducing verses. The build up exceeded the twist IMO.

@ill nik-A, I thought your first lines were easily your strongest and wasn't feeling your last bar. I felt like you rushed the ending. You came from a general perspective, one I felt didn't achieve great closure after I finished reading.

@Storyteller, this was shaky to me because you were telling a story but then used 'I' in a line towards the middle of the verse. Some parts I warmed up to, others not, i.e. the cumbersome spinach part which felt like an injected rhyme with little cohesion. Your wording still needs work but I'm sure you are more accurate with longer verses.

@Certain Serpent, this was my favorite verse so far because of the simple, nostalgic direction you took. Good rhyming and satisfying turnout.

@nO gOoD!, dope. I liked this one and how you flipped the topic to something personal and right in our close quarters. Reminded me of Jakki tha Motamouth.

@Genocide, time travel right? This was straight, just a bit monotonous from you. I'm used to greater personality, high density. This was thick in texture yet sort of limp. No homo.

@Mr. J, first line was fire. The rest was alright. I can't say I really get your last line. Having sex with mother Earth... cool. But retards?

@oats, much like a wandering pilgrim I'm not entirely sure you found a home with this one. The language was nice but the "point" of it seemed hollow. Is that a quote from Whitman at the end? This was sweet like yogurt but I guess I was in the mood for chips.

Vote:

1. nO goOd!
2. Certain Serpent
3. Brian Bryan
4. ill nik-A
5. zygote