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#1 |
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,752
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II
Rep Power: 15446146 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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AOWL Season X WEEK TWO
@Eviction @Sinacog Verse Due: FRIDAY APRIL 1ST @ 11:59PM EST Line min: 10 Max: 60 Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311 Topic: ![]() GOOD LUCK |
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#2 |
R.Killsbury 3000
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,299
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129215 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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I'm madness, stripped together on a canvas strip
SADNESS TIP; let it rip; another taste of coke on my succulent lips I am nothing and something; I am a embezzled angel SHEDDING TEARS OF JOY FOR THE KILLING OF GOD AND SATAN ROD AWAKENING; claws of naked strip; pause the alien ONYX NAVAL STRIP; glory to the titans who fought the alien I am the charlatan, paladin; I am not DEPRESSED but DEEP-PRESSED/ Eat cess and beat chest; heat seeking missiles hit decks I killed a million sailors in danger of war STRANGLED THE CORD OF THE MICROPHONE AS A ANGEL OF WAR// I am the night/knight in shinning armor battling karma I fought the laws of karma with a sharp sword scimitar I am the angel and alien who destroyed the titans PLOYS OF LIGHTNING FOR A JOY ENTICING I am the mammoth skull; mammoth jolt CABBAGE MOLD: ANIDOTE FOR A SAVAGE YOKE A practical joke in the image of others BUT I DO NOT SUFFER: I batter a nigger'/ Sadness triggers from the bottomlesspit of HELL FOR I KILLED HELL WITH A FORK FROM THE KITCHEN; NOT HELL'S KITCHEN.. |
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#3 |
Detained
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 1,838
Battle Record: 16-11
Rep Power: 0 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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I’m so misfit and heartless that I danced with the mistress of darkness,
Maybe because her kiss tasted like black tar, I’m tempted regardless.. To go through this labyrinth, until I’m the one that you witness departed. I became a victim of karma, because she got good at picking a target. We both had a vendetta, getting revenge on her will be bittersweet. But she is so cold she can disappear for eternity and never miss a beat. She’ll plot the end of me, over simple arguments when we disagree. She would stab me in the back, but it would only set my spirit free. She lives for my misery, she has no purpose if I finally close the curtains, Not realizing I deserve this, the reward for being known as worthless. I knew what I was getting into, for some reason I always chose a serpent. I’ll jump in the blood ocean to drown, but I know she’s below the surface. I thought about what would happen if I left and refused to turn back She plots without me there when I return I’m reduced to burned ash Being alone is normal, I don't need to be a recluse to learn that… Fucking me over is her true path, an excuse to turn black. We both have the devil in our eyes, people considered this a match met.. Haunted by the thought of dying together why would I share my last breath, With this whore that was fixated on my fast death, my pain was an asset. It was proof of this tainted attraction when you saw the stain on my casket, From her remaining attachments, I don’t know why she thought it would work, Because the finger prints from her last touch will fade away as I rot in the dirt. The pity party and fake tears, when everyone knows I failed at stopping a curse. I’m going to haunt her until she slits her wrist, she’ll feel the caution from hurt, I made sure she caught it the worse, put her through shit I grew accustomed to. Like when I realized it was stupid loving, a bitch I don’t have to prove nothing to, Yeah you’re the reason I’m gone, I only let you do it after I was threw fucking you, I gave you the same rose, an identical touch so at least you know who’s cutting you. |
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#4 |
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,752
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
- Black August II
Rep Power: 15446146 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Sinacog:
Classic. Didn’t really pertain to the topic and sometimes it seems like you’re just throwing words together to make them rhyme. Like why tf would you wanna be a mammoth skull? Great job bro Eviction: Honestly though you didn’t dive in too deep here this verse was really good. The rhyme scheme and flow felt smooth throughout, I just kind of ebbed and bobbed through your story all the way to the finish. Only complaint is it just lacked anything really powerful, I thought your ending was cool but I felt like it could have been a little stronger. Still like the image of this toxic love lasting even after one of the participants dies, and then just bringing it full circle by him haunting her back like she did to him in life. Super solid man “ We both had a vendetta, getting revenge on her will be bittersweet. But she is so cold she can disappear for eternity and never miss a beat. She’ll plot the end of me, over simple arguments when we disagree. She would stab me in the back, but it would only set my spirit free. She lives for my misery, she has no purpose if I finally close the curtains, Not realizing I deserve this, the reward for being known as worthless. I knew what I was getting into, for some reason I always chose a serpent. I’ll jump in the blood ocean to drown, but I know she’s below the surface” Loved this whole segment. Overall I didn’t even have to read Eviction’s verse to know who was getting my vote. Sinacog is stuck in his ways. V/Eviction |
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#5 |
Sell Her
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,075
Battle Record: 1-3
Rep Power: 8518432 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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sin:
this is one of the tightest little prose's you have writen.. so subtle and very pretty for how dark the matter is.. and vocab was hot but didnt tip itself over where it was noticeable but the smoothness of the structure was tight to i really dug the story it was fire and it was what some may call an adition to where i was up to with all the current stories.. dope with a lot of detail eviction: flow was dope and the vocab with structure was cool man really loved the line it had a pulse of soft fluffyness.. loved it taste greeeat.. first bar fire im like hells yeh we def did just kiss hehe very cute but so morbid loved it.. i loved the end it dragged on a lil for like 8/10 bars and it was contained but as far as progression for that amount of bars it didnt really do much except create more open space for the first few bars to sit.. but yeh like i said the last line was dope so it was worth it in part.. vote = sinagog this was a hard match to decide on because as far as contained subject matter he didnt miss a beat it was tight hard hitting and really dug its fangs into the reader.. where as eviction did with wild punches but in the end even though there was a ko punch it was more like you need more to hold yourself against something so big in such a little form.. person evict i felt you brought it and this could go either way but gl guys |
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#6 |
Shakespearian Dialect
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Brooklyn, NY --> Allentown, PA
Posts: 1,022
Battle Record: 0-3
Rep Power: 0 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Im kind of in the mix of producing another album so Im really busy so please excuse me for not being able to break each verse down from each battler.. with that being said, eviction gets my vote.. his verse to me was just ultimately better.. peace..
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#7 |
past tense
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,624
Battle Record: 22-39
Rep Power: 4341329 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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V. Eviction
All i got to say really. I mean we could all just keystyle and throw random words together and call it a day and hope it sticks. The greats do that. Sinacog wasnt great. Idk im willing to analyze this bar for bar with both opponents in the mag just not right now. Eviction had a smoother flow than most this week, with his or her eyes set on a path instead of random obscuritiea. Sinacog been in a fog but that line depressed deep-pressed had more potential than ben simmons depressed ass playing ball this year. |
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#8 | |
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 91
Battle Record: 1-0
Rep Power: 2167893 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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I feel like our topic selections had a lot in common and were similar this week; the broken heart having been torn from the chest, the utilisation of the flower to suggest regrowth or regeneration following an emotional event, they’re all along a similar theme of the central character being broken or damaged goods for reason unknown and wanting us to explain their story and how that came to be. I definitely see the parallels between the two images thematically which is dope.
Sin: Wowzers at Depressed / deep pressed, thought you were actually going to go off on a complete tangent there and show us that old you for a second but we slowly devolved into CABBAGE MOLD: AN(T)IDOTE FOR A SAVAGE YOKE territory which absolutely blew my mind. I’ve never seen that used before so props on the creativity and originality in that particular line I guess. I’ll keep this as short and sweet as your verse. Eviction: I felt this couplet was really good early on, a stand out for me personally: Quote:
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