Meathouse Molecules

Vulgar · 06-19-2013, 12:23 AM

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Nigma · 06-19-2013, 01:13 AM

Gonna do a feed as I read kinda situation. For the intro portion I was entertained by your always impressive vocabulary and it's cosmic reaches. Each line was top notch, consistent, none standing out over the others, until, POW:
"I spent days at the market excavating Huey Newton, Wu Tang, blues,
As Ku Klan brutes sat outside of Scrooge land stoops"
^Thought that was dope, especially following up the killer segment, really got me into the verse. Felt the next line could have been removed the, cardboard city one.

"Shipwrecked on a life boat playing double jeopardy with the bottom contestant "
^ Stood out to me. Cool one line, also liked the "I'm on cancers wish list" line

Damn that whole section is doooope:
"I’m cancer’s wish list. I’m an opiate nursery food drive.
Mixed with dopamine purposely freeze-dried. Hercules’s new bride.
Hurts to be too sly so you have to balance the act, take your apron off"

DQ line was read and approved. Felt the images used in the closing portion were kind of an odd medley, not terrible since it was still interesting, but references with some similar tone might have sounded better, to my preference anyways.

This is a really dope verse. One of my favs from you recently

Geno · 06-20-2013, 11:47 PM

Franks a weird motherfucker. Why say something then completely delete it?

Anyway, I'm damn sure this is prolly a vicious read. I'm just tired as fuck, will feed next time. Upping for now for the homie

Wise Wiggles · 06-21-2013, 02:13 AM

this was sick.

not going too far into it.

just sick.

Advocate · 06-21-2013, 08:20 PM

First off, thanks for the feedback you gave me on my one of my threads, really appreciated that.

Advocate · 06-21-2013, 08:25 PM

But dude this was a sick verse you dropped right here. You said,

Life’s like a box of chocolates full of vanilla distortion
It may sweeten the regrets of misfortune, or whet your skeletal organs
There’s nothing like exploring a music store as a skeptical orphan
He even rode the Zelda train, learning about The legend of Mormon
A collage of broader topics, yes, it’s important -
Let’s put a smile on that face…that Heath Ledger was born with

That was the perfect way to end that story, you displayed good illustration when you wrote this and really made me think. I like your metaphors as well, specially because they have so much truth in them. All in all it was a good drop and I enjoyed it. Keep em coming man.

Eŋg · 06-22-2013, 11:30 PM

I read it once and found it too dense and unfriendly to really get into. I'm going to try again at some point, with more conviction.

zygote · 06-23-2013, 10:17 AM

A lot more pop-culture references than usual. I interpreted this as intentional/deliberate choice and perhaps it is some comment of comparison between over-production of meat and over-production of pop-culture. Or perhaps the short life of meat before rotten being compared to the short life of pop-culture, the last line especially about posthumous Heath Ledger made me think that was your main theme. Even if this interpretation of the concept is false it was still good to read on a purely technical rhyme appreciation level.

06-19-2013, 12:23 AM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Meathouse Molecules [ Last edited by Vulgar; 12-03-2021 at 09:40 PM.

06-19-2013, 01:13 AM	#2
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Gonna do a feed as I read kinda situation. For the intro portion I was entertained by your always impressive vocabulary and it's cosmic reaches. Each line was top notch, consistent, none standing out over the others, until, POW: "I spent days at the market excavating Huey Newton, Wu Tang, blues, As Ku Klan brutes sat outside of Scrooge land stoops" ^Thought that was dope, especially following up the killer segment, really got me into the verse. Felt the next line could have been removed the, cardboard city one. "Shipwrecked on a life boat playing double jeopardy with the bottom contestant " ^ Stood out to me. Cool one line, also liked the "I'm on cancers wish list" line Damn that whole section is doooope: "I’m cancer’s wish list. I’m an opiate nursery food drive. Mixed with dopamine purposely freeze-dried. Hercules’s new bride. Hurts to be too sly so you have to balance the act, take your apron off" DQ line was read and approved. Felt the images used in the closing portion were kind of an odd medley, not terrible since it was still interesting, but references with some similar tone might have sounded better, to my preference anyways. This is a really dope verse. One of my favs from you recently __________________

06-20-2013, 11:47 PM	#3
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Franks a weird motherfucker. Why say something then completely delete it? Anyway, I'm damn sure this is prolly a vicious read. I'm just tired as fuck, will feed next time. Upping for now for the homie __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

06-21-2013, 02:13 AM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	this was sick. not going too far into it. just sick.

06-21-2013, 08:20 PM	#5
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	First off, thanks for the feedback you gave me on my one of my threads, really appreciated that.

06-21-2013, 08:25 PM	#6
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	But dude this was a sick verse you dropped right here. You said, Life’s like a box of chocolates full of vanilla distortion It may sweeten the regrets of misfortune, or whet your skeletal organs There’s nothing like exploring a music store as a skeptical orphan He even rode the Zelda train, learning about The legend of Mormon A collage of broader topics, yes, it’s important - Let’s put a smile on that face…that Heath Ledger was born with That was the perfect way to end that story, you displayed good illustration when you wrote this and really made me think. I like your metaphors as well, specially because they have so much truth in them. All in all it was a good drop and I enjoyed it. Keep em coming man.

06-22-2013, 11:30 PM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	I read it once and found it too dense and unfriendly to really get into. I'm going to try again at some point, with more conviction.

06-23-2013, 10:17 AM	#8
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	A lot more pop-culture references than usual. I interpreted this as intentional/deliberate choice and perhaps it is some comment of comparison between over-production of meat and over-production of pop-culture. Or perhaps the short life of meat before rotten being compared to the short life of pop-culture, the last line especially about posthumous Heath Ledger made me think that was your main theme. Even if this interpretation of the concept is false it was still good to read on a purely technical rhyme appreciation level.