pseudo dead man verse

[Pharaohs Army]

As I sit with a rhyme


Locked in my room, quiet as a mime
Things would be different if I had more time
I'm just an artist painting with muddy colors
You were just a shark swimming in bloody water
You knew I was smart, but to you- I was a bore from the start
Is that what tore us apart?
Out of options, I remember Annabelle told me I had a problem
Because it wasn't courage that was shot in my vein,
More like something to stop all the pain
Wet from the rain. I remember you came to my porch
We hit it off darling, the flame to my torch
I remember your skin, fair as a rose petal
You told me "don't settle"
Now I tried giving advice and you told me "don't meddle"
It Is my wish that I could Hold True,
but old wounds won't let me hold you...
Storybook endings. historical references
I guess it was me who said we were ending it
Was it all just lust?
Now I keep thinking of the meaning of "us",
I don't know anymore; the meaning of love



-PA

[Pharaohs Army]

It's lacking an alcohol reference.
Maybe will edit in later.

The title is "I remember".
Might post this to another site and see the feedback.

[Immolate]

Locked in my room, quiet as a mime
Things would be different if I had more time
I'm just an artist painting with muddy colors
You were just a shark swimming in bloody water

but old wounds won't let me hold you...

I guess it was me who said we were ending it


tight

[Pharaohs Army]

Yeah so it started pretty good but I probably lost the reader when I said "flame to my torch"


Any thoughts?

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Lol

This was funny, semi-clever and an all around pretty good read. I think you did a fairly decent job mimicking dead man’s tone and subject matter, however, the actually wording and overall flow didn’t truly feel like a dead man verse. With that said, parody or not, this was dope....

Out of options, I remember Annabelle told me I had a problem
Because it wasn't courage that was shot in my vein,
More like something to stop all the pain
Wet from the rain. I remember you came to my porch
We hit it off darling, the flame to my torch
I remember your skin, fair as a rose petal
You told me "don't settle"
Now I tried giving advice and you told me "don't meddle"
It Is my wish that I could Hold True,
but old wounds won't let me hold you...
Storybook endings. historical references
I guess it was me who said we were ending it
Was it all just lust?
Now I keep thinking of the meaning of "us",
I don't know anymore; the meaning of love

Lol@ “Annabelle” and “historical references” and “-PA”.

Pharaoh, man, if you ever actually gave two shits you’d probably be one of the dopest. Then again who actually gives two shits nowadays anyway? But word. Cool piece.