you belong with the Nines.

[veritas]

I felt the breaths of fresh air flow through the chain-linked fences,
right after I deciding to live like all of my actions had consequences.
I then looked toward the hamsters’ wheels and upgraded their modest engines,
which led to an increase of speed that would release my foretold lessons.
I saw the dimensions in all of their beautiful incandescence,
And Wisdom in all of her immutable presence,
I woke up, and just like that I had forgotten the message…..

It was the grind of life, the changing of seasons, the influx of strife, and my excuses’ reasons.

I struggled on a nightly basis to return through the portal to that point of lucid awareness
The guardian said: “be careful, as you can lose your mind if you’re always this careless”.
I was often frustrated, and the waking state became lame and fake, plus addiction wasn’t leaving
one night I came full circle when the Guardian said: you got the message, just not it’s meaning.

It was then that the epiphany hit me, and my soul, spirit, and body aligned.
This existence is practice and you will only seek what you want to find.
But if you seek after that which is not of the practice only….
Your life will be eternal, meaningful, amazing, and never lonely.
I had gotten the message…..it made me blow out air in jubilant exhalation
I felt the breaths of fresh air flow through the fences of my mind’s manifestation.

[PancakeBrah]

I prefer this style of yours to any other I've seen from you. Although this, too, suffered from being too broad and didactic like your other pieces, this at least seemed human. Maybe I'm just influenced by the first person perspective. Probably. Usually you stuff your pieces with these ten cent words that make everything so stilted and faux academic, in a way that really puts me off. Some of my favorite writers here will throw around some vocab, but when you do it it seems like the entire point. If you get what I'm saying. Whereas this said what it wanted to and was more concise.

I then looked toward the hamsters’ wheels and upgraded their modest engines,

This is good! Hamster wheel is cliche but I enjoyed 'modest engines' in relation to it. And worked with what you were saying, as opposed to being some non sequitur.

There were some clunky spots ('never lonely', 'excuses' reason' and 'manifestation [I have decided to be anti-manifestation, forever, in regards to Open Mics]) but this was so much more readable than the other pieces I've seen from you. So, good! Stuff to build on. Thanks for the read.

[veritas]

Wow. I had forgotten about this. Thanks dan.

[veritas]

and yes, I am almost always didactic. Sorry. Can't help it.

[veritas]

But then again, aren't we all, Dan?

[PancakeBrah]

In a way, I guess. Not really. It takes too much confidence to be that sure, and direct. My problem with your overtly didactic verses, which is all of the verses I've read from you besides this, is that there's no effort given to form, which is what makes Open Mics interesting. To me at least. It's all information and orders, the actual art of writing taking a back seat. I don't necessarily agree with the idea that everyone, or that all the writing here, is didactic, but if I did, I think you still go about it the wrong way.

[PancakeBrah]

Fair?

[veritas]

Certainly. Now please follow this up with what you would literally like to see me do to improve and I will do so, I promise....but be serious.

Please.

[Mr. J]

this was pretty cool, I enjoyed the start & the section before that last part
the end of it came off as preachy, the guardian approach could have been utilized without the ending..
I thought the consequences/modest engines sequence was pretty dope though.
body aligned would have worked with wanted to find...it sounds right to me at least
basically the first half of this I enjoyed & parts of the second that I didnt.
overall a pretty cool piece.