no show verse-aowl topic (you'll never miss the water)

[Just Write]

"You'll never miss the water"


This story is about Kevin, and his impressionable stage
Not yet exposed to life's mentions of aggression or rage
see Adolescent brains develop, only how you mold them
And so far Kevin's was golden... the first to say please, or hold a door open
his mother had him young, and couldn't deal with the pressure
She argued with her parents and the bombarding reals of their lectures
" Baby one day you might regret your actions" concealing their stress
So instead of her giving him up they appealed with a gesture.
They said that they would raise him, love him, as their very own child
Her tears filled her face as she paced... she could barely smile
Still to this day, the court papers lay in their safe in a pile
See Kevin was a product of rape... & the case had never made it to trial..

But life goes on, now 11...

Kevin only knew his grandfather as good ol' friendly dad
And his character reflected from the memories they had
Every Wednesday they would sit in their boat on the lake
though they wouldn't go very far( Kevin couldn't row very straight)
But his "father" would encourage him every step of the way
And Kevin grew stronger with each lesson he gave
They'd fish for hour, surrounded by endless tops of pines
And he taught him patience with every toss of the line.
It often suprised grandfather how much Kevin resembled his daughter
how they both would chatter their teeth when cold; trembling in water
And they both loved to sit in the bow, simply soaking up some rays
...these are the memories his grandfather hoped would never fade

Another day...

He's 16 now, dad got him a car, just in time to drive
And he starts a job at the movies working nine to five
Now he hardly has time to spend at the lake with his pops
Too busy chasing the dames, parties with keggers & schnapps
it's not that dad's lame, in Kevin's mind, he'll just always be there
And At least he call's if he's late, that's a quality that's rare.
Such somber despair, as his father would sit waiting up by the door
Just wishing to go fishing with his growing son he adored
Broken promises recieved, followed by "I'm sorry, next week"
(We're all guilty of making them, yet most... we hardly ever keep)
The harsh reality is teens don't appreciate what they have until it's gone
And Kevin never thought his pops would have to battle passing on

At last

Kevin's grown now, has a family, & has fathered kids of his own
He moved to the city to get big, but times are harder than you know
His department laid him off so he said " a vacation was in need"
packed his family in his van and set the radio to station three
As Kevin drove up the street memories came, flooding his mind
And he felt peace overcome him in his most troubling times
As he pulled up to the house that set on the lakes farthest edge
He went for a walk to reminisce about all the things his father said
around the bend he visited his parents where they still lay in the ground
And tears steam down his face just wishing they were still around
This was the moment Kevin realized he didn't miss the lake or the water
He just wanted to sit once again rowing in that boat with his father

[Maximus]

This was an interesting piece for me bros, I love the transition from when the mother of Kevin was a stubborn youth before she was forcefully violated to when Kevin was 11 just enjoying the company of His 'Father' who saw some characteristics of his own daughter in his grand son to when Kevin became a working teenager at age 16 and due to His job he couldn't create time for those special 'lake moments' he usually had with is grand pops but always promised to show up and never did anyways. And then the last stanza where he gets buffeted by life's ills and decided to go on a vacay to ease his troubling mind and the memories he had with grandpa just came flooding in his mind at the lake side as he reminisced, I especially loived the last part of this piece but not to take anything from the whole verse tho, I can relate to the emotions throughout the whole joint man. I've not read much of ur work but this was a solid effort and a beautiful take on the topic 'u'll never miss the water', u stayed on the theme. Though your rhyme schemes were mostly simple the story was beautifully crafted and easy to follow.. There are some things I would love to point out tho,
" it's not that dad's lame, in Kevin's mind, he'll just always be there
And At least he call's if he's late, that's a quality that's rare"
.... To me I think the second line in the couplet was a little off or kinda forced, I mean the fact that Kevin (a grandson) calls his grandpops when He's late is not really a 'quality that's rare' persay, a lot of people do that often. I might be nitpicking but this is just an observation anyways.
Also
"The harsh reality is teens don't appreciate what they have until it's gone
And Kevin never thought his pops would have to battle passing on"
Its not just teens that don't usually appreciate what they have until its gone, everyone's a culprit, just saying tho lol. The second line was aptly placed tho, as teens don't think about death and passing on generally, its just their care-free attitude. Apart from those I got no issues with this material at all, pardon my skewed grammar man, English is a second language for me lol and my feed may not come off as 'deep' cos I'm relatively new to 'topical feeds' and topicals generally. Overall I enjoyed it, keep scribling

[Alice White]

I know you wrote this within less than an hour and it is quite impressive for the essence you captured here.
The flow was smooth throughout with a very nice rhythmic pattern, it really made for an easy read.
I think you depicted the topic beautifully with the reoccurring memory on the lake, and with a very vivid descriptiveness to your narrative. You built the story quite well. The first stanza stood out to me because of all the relevant details it provided for the further course of the events. You provide us with specific information which are really crucial to bring the character forward. The last line was amazingly authentic and I appreciate the raw depiction here.
The way you structured the stanzas is also done nicely, slightly simple but very effective. Your next stanza had a lot of emotional depth to it, the last line
"...these are the memories his grandfather hoped would never fade"
contributed really well to the topic's substance, alluding that those very memories can be regarded as part of the "water" in hindsight. Your third stanza has a nice change of tone to it, I like how direct yet "emotional" you depicted the development of the grandfathers relationship to Kevin.
"Broken promises recieved, followed by "I'm sorry, next week"
(We're all guilty of making them, yet most... we hardly ever keep)"
^ this is quite relatable, a very nice bit of thought-provoking patterns here, and the brackets you are employing at certain spots truly contribute to the high degree of authenticity.
The last stanza nicely conveys the "emotional regain" of the character, imo. Although your ending might have been foreseeable, I thought that you did really well in portraying the topic on hand.
Thanks for sharing.

[Mr. J]

This was a pretty smooth piece, I really enjoyed how in depth you took it
you showcase a raw talent for building around the character as well as giving him a story
the flow was on point for the first 2 portions of the piece & eased up halfway through
I thought that you really gave the reader something to take in while you incorporated multis & such
the beginning verse was the icing on the cake for me & kept me motivated to read
you had some nice lines in here that really stuck to me & some that felt like they could have been worded better
really nice work regardless...