Week 9 Championship: Innovator vs. sraL- (Inno defends title)

Vulgar · 08-25-2015, 04:53 PM

LGPA Season 1: Week 9

@Innovator @sraL

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

Topic:

"A diamond in the rough."

Good luck.

sral · 08-25-2015, 04:58 PM

INN LIKE A LOCAL PUB, GUV'NOR!

Inno · 08-25-2015, 05:29 PM

lets make it a classic

sral · 08-28-2015, 08:42 AM

"Players Gonna Play"

"Drop the bat!" coach often spat.
To say I'd got a habit of running bases while holding it was an understatement.
It drove him fucking crazy back in school.
Nothing changed.
But even though I didn't understand the rules, I loved the game.
As I come of age it was much the same,
Stepping up to bat full of assurance.
No looking back.
Both eyes on the prize right in my sights, yet I swung too fast.
Another passed unattacked.
I was striking out every time somehow until I learned to be patient.
Determined to make it to the first of those bases.
Nervously waiting to seize the chance and increase my stats.
I keep it composed.
Breathing in slowly as I wield the bat.
I hear a crack.
Feel the snap as a connection is made.
Everything changed following my first success in the game.
I'd step to the plate with renewed belief,
duly seeking out opportunities to continue the streak.
Palms sweating.
Hard-headed.
This was all a sport now.
Sure, I got thrown some curveballs that formed doubts,
but I wasn't always caught out.
I talked the talk loudly having gained some momentum
and with a slight change of direction, I'd made it to second.
It put the game in perspective,
see at this base the dynamics change.
There's decisions you have to make.
React too late and you'll come unstuck,
not knowing whether to cut and run, or stand your ground and hang around.
Don't jump the gun.
Suck it up.
Wait your turn before you take it further
and race too early towards a place at third.
Patience first.
Stay alert.
When the end is in sight and your adrenaline heightens,
the pressure is frightening.
You'll feel it in your chest as it tightens.
But only those who can keep their head in a crisis are destined to triumph.
When you sense that the timing is right to make it to home,
savour your goal.
Take in the moment.
The game isn't over,
your seasons just started.
With the experience garnered you can swing for those bleachers regardless.
Use this victory as a marker to push on and grow.
Cherry pick those heavy hitters.
Put on a show.
Love every home point as much as you do those you pick up on the road.
Trust me I know,
because win, lose, or draw when you've been through it all you'll want someone to hold.
Don't be stuck on your own with nothing to show.
You can have your fun but just don't become the player
who can't see the diamond right under his nose.

Inno · 08-28-2015, 10:47 PM

Rough diamonds

The catacombs deep with disarray
Boulders of gold yeilding hope
Echo amongst the fallen souls before
The mines richs with dispare
Copper hearts diggin for golden veins
Kids forgotten within mens ambition
Forced to repeat repetition
Diamonds for richies, poor chlidren
In the midst of treasures
Only finding themselves stranded
Along the shores of a black sea
Darkness comes in waves
Oceans of halls, tunnel vision drowned
Sweat dripping brows creating mud in their wake
But the steel tips run a muck on the stones
second long stars chime with each swing
Finger painted skies: black
Moonless dusk, dawns always absent
Midnights with blackened ascent
Its a good day
The dirt rich with years, a soil of souls
THE trail blazers mark, pioneers of the dark
The cold steel warms the layers of echos
Soot drenched bellows howling across the maze
Haunting whistles wistfully woe cries of memories
Replaying the sounds of dancing ghost'
Miles of depth, miles wealthy of lives kept
Warn boots, dirt coiled cotton, black necks
Old hands, youthful hearts, discouraged souls
Disenchanted hope twinkles between the cuts of the rock
peasants molding royalty, slaves to a
thrown spewing coal covered rubies
Fingerprint smeared diamonds shining
Vanity's martyr, greed's all in bet
Gluttons to the starving youth
Stuffing their appetite with empty futures
A generation for a momentary glimmer
Copper hearts in search of a golden vein
Wolfs sheeping wool from the sheep
snakes hissing at the heels of diamond backs
Fartherless suns never set
Motherless nights nurture darkness
Endless caves flicker bitter brightness
Relfecting the sins of endless greed
Kids among the stars miles from heaven
Inches from the devils heel
Those fortunate relish in their fortune
While the furtunes of less fortunate
Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy
Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin
Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us
Diamonds for your lust
All for a necklace connected to a status?
Cycling rhetorical solutions, endless consumer
Forever consuming the lives of a youth
Envy grips the hearts of men
To the point even chlidren become a means to an end....

...though whats an end without the intent?

Woke · 08-31-2015, 10:58 PM

Inno - Riches? Repeat repetition is redundant, it's like saying writing writens. This is a very poetical verse though. Only read it the once but so far seems like a whirl wind of ideas and imagery in a fast paced dreamscape. Thumbs up for vanity's martyr. Very deep read my man. A verse about mans greed and lust for the physical, that want for owning "bling". The begining of the verse was talking about the deaths of the souls combing and creating these cavities or mines, searching for that pay day. You brought it full circle in the end saying what for? I enjoyed this poem although I wish it had a better more well executed cadence for flows sake, but as is, the poem was spot on conceptually and executed at a high level. You gave me images from soot covered beings to "a soil of souls". Very vivid for me with hints of pure genius in terms of phrasing although they were spread out thin. Solid read, aside from the beginning of this vote and even so, I enjoyed this verse to the utmost.

Sarl - Really good opener, gave me a setting, characters and excitement in action. This verse is polar opposite of what Vator came up with. Narrative against a poeitcal concept work. The story was decent, and you incorportaed quite a bit of detail using actions. The overall message was ok. More preachy then anything I would say. Which is cool and all, just not really my style. Decent verse, but nothing spectacular.

V/ Inno

His concept piece played to my preference more and I enjoyed deciphering and ultimately visualizing his verse more.

Vulgar · 08-31-2015, 11:25 PM

sraL - That's a tough concept to think of, well done with the diamond under the nose flip. The story progressed as I'm customary to reading from you, a play-by-play with a considerable share of intimate details, kept at a concise work rate. You don't throw too many curve balls (no pun intended) because you play it safe - with the exception that your topic interpretations are authentically ambitious. This time was no different. A clear cut, agreeable, well conjured piece. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will be interesting and I'm looking forward to bearing witness to it.

Innovator - Also a good take on the topic, you both are getting good at titles. Aside from the grammar mistakes throughout this, it was a starry night thought stream type of piece. Some cool ideas flowed from the pen. Organizationally, sraL has you ransacked, but this isn't a structure contest after all, and poetry to me is about the freedom of expression and less constraints than traditional rhymed verse. I wasn't completely into the poem as much as your others. It lacked cohesion and rambled a bit... the aim in the end was declared, the build-up becoming more evident. I think you would have to beautify the language more and create more hedges in the maze to give it more depth, along with the elegance to go along with it.

"While the fortunes of less fortunate
Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy
Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin
Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us"

These were the lines of the contest though. An intriguing writer's voice was born here and I immediately began to think of the diamond mines, its workers, man's obsession with precious stones.

If I were going to be voting for the more orderly, accurate poem, then it'd be Lars. For me though, it's about if you can produce a twinkle in my gaze while I'm reading.

This is not necessarily me saying one poem is better than the other. Poetry is so subjective... it really is.

I'm going for Inno for intriguing me more on a "mystical" level. Lars could just as easily get the vote in mass proportions.

08-25-2015, 04:53 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Week 9 Championship: Innovator vs. sraL- (Inno defends title) LGPA Season 1: Week 9 @Innovator @sraL Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: "A diamond in the rough." Good luck. Last edited by Inno; 08-28-2015 at 10:47 PM.

08-25-2015, 04:58 PM	#2
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899396	INN LIKE A LOCAL PUB, GUV'NOR! __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

08-28-2015, 08:42 AM	#4
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899396	"Players Gonna Play" "Drop the bat!" coach often spat. To say I'd got a habit of running bases while holding it was an understatement. It drove him fucking crazy back in school. Nothing changed. But even though I didn't understand the rules, I loved the game. As I come of age it was much the same, Stepping up to bat full of assurance. No looking back. Both eyes on the prize right in my sights, yet I swung too fast. Another passed unattacked. I was striking out every time somehow until I learned to be patient. Determined to make it to the first of those bases. Nervously waiting to seize the chance and increase my stats. I keep it composed. Breathing in slowly as I wield the bat. I hear a crack. Feel the snap as a connection is made. Everything changed following my first success in the game. I'd step to the plate with renewed belief, duly seeking out opportunities to continue the streak. Palms sweating. Hard-headed. This was all a sport now. Sure, I got thrown some curveballs that formed doubts, but I wasn't always caught out. I talked the talk loudly having gained some momentum and with a slight change of direction, I'd made it to second. It put the game in perspective, see at this base the dynamics change. There's decisions you have to make. React too late and you'll come unstuck, not knowing whether to cut and run, or stand your ground and hang around. Don't jump the gun. Suck it up. Wait your turn before you take it further and race too early towards a place at third. Patience first. Stay alert. When the end is in sight and your adrenaline heightens, the pressure is frightening. You'll feel it in your chest as it tightens. But only those who can keep their head in a crisis are destined to triumph. When you sense that the timing is right to make it to home, savour your goal. Take in the moment. The game isn't over, your seasons just started. With the experience garnered you can swing for those bleachers regardless. Use this victory as a marker to push on and grow. Cherry pick those heavy hitters. Put on a show. Love every home point as much as you do those you pick up on the road. Trust me I know, because win, lose, or draw when you've been through it all you'll want someone to hold. Don't be stuck on your own with nothing to show. You can have your fun but just don't become the player who can't see the diamond right under his nose. __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

08-25-2015, 05:29 PM	#3
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	lets make it a classic

08-28-2015, 10:47 PM	#5
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Rough diamonds The catacombs deep with disarray Boulders of gold yeilding hope Echo amongst the fallen souls before The mines richs with dispare Copper hearts diggin for golden veins Kids forgotten within mens ambition Forced to repeat repetition Diamonds for richies, poor chlidren In the midst of treasures Only finding themselves stranded Along the shores of a black sea Darkness comes in waves Oceans of halls, tunnel vision drowned Sweat dripping brows creating mud in their wake But the steel tips run a muck on the stones second long stars chime with each swing Finger painted skies: black Moonless dusk, dawns always absent Midnights with blackened ascent Its a good day The dirt rich with years, a soil of souls THE trail blazers mark, pioneers of the dark The cold steel warms the layers of echos Soot drenched bellows howling across the maze Haunting whistles wistfully woe cries of memories Replaying the sounds of dancing ghost' Miles of depth, miles wealthy of lives kept Warn boots, dirt coiled cotton, black necks Old hands, youthful hearts, discouraged souls Disenchanted hope twinkles between the cuts of the rock peasants molding royalty, slaves to a thrown spewing coal covered rubies Fingerprint smeared diamonds shining Vanity's martyr, greed's all in bet Gluttons to the starving youth Stuffing their appetite with empty futures A generation for a momentary glimmer Copper hearts in search of a golden vein Wolfs sheeping wool from the sheep snakes hissing at the heels of diamond backs Fartherless suns never set Motherless nights nurture darkness Endless caves flicker bitter brightness Relfecting the sins of endless greed Kids among the stars miles from heaven Inches from the devils heel Those fortunate relish in their fortune While the furtunes of less fortunate Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us Diamonds for your lust All for a necklace connected to a status? Cycling rhetorical solutions, endless consumer Forever consuming the lives of a youth Envy grips the hearts of men To the point even chlidren become a means to an end.... ...though whats an end without the intent?

08-31-2015, 10:58 PM	#6
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Inno - Riches? Repeat repetition is redundant, it's like saying writing writens. This is a very poetical verse though. Only read it the once but so far seems like a whirl wind of ideas and imagery in a fast paced dreamscape. Thumbs up for vanity's martyr. Very deep read my man. A verse about mans greed and lust for the physical, that want for owning "bling". The begining of the verse was talking about the deaths of the souls combing and creating these cavities or mines, searching for that pay day. You brought it full circle in the end saying what for? I enjoyed this poem although I wish it had a better more well executed cadence for flows sake, but as is, the poem was spot on conceptually and executed at a high level. You gave me images from soot covered beings to "a soil of souls". Very vivid for me with hints of pure genius in terms of phrasing although they were spread out thin. Solid read, aside from the beginning of this vote and even so, I enjoyed this verse to the utmost. Sarl - Really good opener, gave me a setting, characters and excitement in action. This verse is polar opposite of what Vator came up with. Narrative against a poeitcal concept work. The story was decent, and you incorportaed quite a bit of detail using actions. The overall message was ok. More preachy then anything I would say. Which is cool and all, just not really my style. Decent verse, but nothing spectacular. V/ Inno His concept piece played to my preference more and I enjoyed deciphering and ultimately visualizing his verse more.

08-31-2015, 11:25 PM	#7
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	sraL - That's a tough concept to think of, well done with the diamond under the nose flip. The story progressed as I'm customary to reading from you, a play-by-play with a considerable share of intimate details, kept at a concise work rate. You don't throw too many curve balls (no pun intended) because you play it safe - with the exception that your topic interpretations are authentically ambitious. This time was no different. A clear cut, agreeable, well conjured piece. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will be interesting and I'm looking forward to bearing witness to it. Innovator - Also a good take on the topic, you both are getting good at titles. Aside from the grammar mistakes throughout this, it was a starry night thought stream type of piece. Some cool ideas flowed from the pen. Organizationally, sraL has you ransacked, but this isn't a structure contest after all, and poetry to me is about the freedom of expression and less constraints than traditional rhymed verse. I wasn't completely into the poem as much as your others. It lacked cohesion and rambled a bit... the aim in the end was declared, the build-up becoming more evident. I think you would have to beautify the language more and create more hedges in the maze to give it more depth, along with the elegance to go along with it. "While the fortunes of less fortunate Die along the cuts of the jewelers accuracy Rocks in the rough, paying those who seek ruin Jewels for the lush, rust for the rest of us" These were the lines of the contest though. An intriguing writer's voice was born here and I immediately began to think of the diamond mines, its workers, man's obsession with precious stones. If I were going to be voting for the more orderly, accurate poem, then it'd be Lars. For me though, it's about if you can produce a twinkle in my gaze while I'm reading. This is not necessarily me saying one poem is better than the other. Poetry is so subjective... it really is. I'm going for Inno for intriguing me more on a "mystical" level. Lars could just as easily get the vote in mass proportions.