part of a song

Pharaohs Army · 05-23-2015, 03:09 AM

,

Mr. J · 05-26-2015, 09:05 AM

Honestly as much as I write short verses..
this wasn't acceptable in my book, there's not much to take away from this
maybe if the track was done well it would work it's magic
but reading it the way you structured it reminds me of..I don't know..
young kids trying to make a track together..
you didn't have to space fre & quent to get your point across either
anyway..keep working at it little guy

Pharaohs Army · 05-30-2015, 03:00 AM

I appreciate your feedback.

05-23-2015, 03:09 AM	#1
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	part of a song , Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-13-2016 at 09:04 PM.

05-26-2015, 09:05 AM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Honestly as much as I write short verses.. this wasn't acceptable in my book, there's not much to take away from this maybe if the track was done well it would work it's magic but reading it the way you structured it reminds me of..I don't know.. young kids trying to make a track together.. you didn't have to space fre & quent to get your point across either anyway..keep working at it little guy __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

05-30-2015, 03:00 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	I appreciate your feedback. Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-13-2016 at 09:04 PM. Reason: kept beginning