Yo I'm JC (Needs some work)

J C · 04-12-2013, 11:05 PM

Yo Im JC
Take it from me
Im no wannabe, im a g
Don’t believe me? Youll see
Next time I pass you, I’ll blast you
The po wont even know who shot you
Damn! That’s just how good I am
-
Shout out to all my dogs from LA to the Bay
Hey, and all you rivals out there……fck with us and well fck wit you
That’s how it works when you live where we live and do what we do
Its like a zoo, we’re all just animals
O’buncha cannibals. Layin around pickin at our enemy
But it’s just a tendency
-
It don’t matta if I’m white
I still bite, till the end of the night, when there’s no one left to fight!
I’m reachin a new height….of rappin skills
It’ll give you a chill and if won’t then my kill will
-
I would like some advice, thanks

Sharp · 04-13-2013, 01:42 AM

welcome to the site

middle section was pretty nice

hit the cypher

read a lot of OMs

stay up

id do more now but im about to sleep

J C · 04-13-2013, 12:37 PM

Whats OMs?

Fig · 04-13-2013, 02:40 PM

The OM is the Open Mic section. Its where you posted this and where we currently are.

And I agree with everything sharp said. Just read some of the verse on the OM and get familiar.

J C · 04-13-2013, 02:42 PM

Ok cool

Zen · 04-13-2013, 03:57 PM

I'll give you some advice. If you want people to feed your verse you need to drop feed on others. But since I'm a nice guy I'll feed yours first :)
This was very basic. I would expect this as a freestlye in a group cypher you know what I mean? I'm guessin this really was a keystyle but regardless it's much too basic. I'm not trying to be harsh or rude to you I'm just being honest. If I were you I'd continue to practice in the cyphers and begin to grasp the mechanics of writing a little better. Your flow is good in reading it but the wording is much too simple so if I were you that's what I would begin to work on first. Instead of just simply saying something, find a more creative way to express it so the piece becomes more interesting. Just keep practicing man and keep dropping.

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5768-ZenLand-Part-II<

J C · 04-13-2013, 07:08 PM

I will feed yours. This was a freestyle.

Aesthetic · 04-13-2013, 07:18 PM

I would have too hear your delivery too question the flow too much; but like what sharp 9 said, I like the middle.

Quote:

That’s how it works when you live where we live and do what we do

This shit right here is what you need too stick up on; like flow is tight and has the musical taste. Sounds really fucking familiar and on top of your scheme.

Witty · 04-14-2013, 07:29 AM

Gonna be honest and say what nobody else has had the balls to say....this wasn't good, at all. It was generic, it was simple and it was boring. Your rhymes were predictable. You need to work on your flow, you need to work on pretty much every aspect of your writing...I didn't like this. Much improvement is needed.

04-12-2013, 11:05 PM	#1
J C Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 31 Rep Power: 37	Yo I'm JC (Needs some work) Yo Im JC Take it from me Im no wannabe, im a g Don’t believe me? Youll see Next time I pass you, I’ll blast you The po wont even know who shot you Damn! That’s just how good I am - Shout out to all my dogs from LA to the Bay Hey, and all you rivals out there……fck with us and well fck wit you That’s how it works when you live where we live and do what we do Its like a zoo, we’re all just animals O’buncha cannibals. Layin around pickin at our enemy But it’s just a tendency - It don’t matta if I’m white I still bite, till the end of the night, when there’s no one left to fight! I’m reachin a new height….of rappin skills It’ll give you a chill and if won’t then my kill will - I would like some advice, thanks __________________ Bulldog for life

04-13-2013, 12:37 PM	#3
J C Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 31 Rep Power: 37	Whats OMs? __________________ Bulldog for life

04-13-2013, 02:40 PM	#4
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	The OM is the Open Mic section. Its where you posted this and where we currently are. And I agree with everything sharp said. Just read some of the verse on the OM and get familiar. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

04-13-2013, 02:42 PM	#5
J C Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 31 Rep Power: 37	Ok cool __________________ Bulldog for life

04-13-2013, 07:08 PM	#7
J C Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 31 Rep Power: 37	I will feed yours. This was a freestyle. __________________ Bulldog for life

04-13-2013, 03:57 PM	#6
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	I'll give you some advice. If you want people to feed your verse you need to drop feed on others. But since I'm a nice guy I'll feed yours first :) This was very basic. I would expect this as a freestlye in a group cypher you know what I mean? I'm guessin this really was a keystyle but regardless it's much too basic. I'm not trying to be harsh or rude to you I'm just being honest. If I were you I'd continue to practice in the cyphers and begin to grasp the mechanics of writing a little better. Your flow is good in reading it but the wording is much too simple so if I were you that's what I would begin to work on first. Instead of just simply saying something, find a more creative way to express it so the piece becomes more interesting. Just keep practicing man and keep dropping. http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5768-ZenLand-Part-II<

04-14-2013, 07:29 AM	#9
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	Gonna be honest and say what nobody else has had the balls to say....this wasn't good, at all. It was generic, it was simple and it was boring. Your rhymes were predictable. You need to work on your flow, you need to work on pretty much every aspect of your writing...I didn't like this. Much improvement is needed. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.