"Son Of A Bitch"

[sral]

The son of a bitch and I hate her for that -
if you’ve something to give, then she’ll take what you have.
While you’re breaking your back supporting her greed
she’s changing the man that you thought you would be.
I’ve crawled at her feet every morning I’ve woke.
She’s all that you need, and more that you don’t.
She’s always evoked both laughter and hatred -
but proved the fork in the road to each path that I’ve taken.
All manner of faces have told her goodbye
as she’s naturally aging and growing in size.
There’s been copious times I could’ve left her and gone,
but the lows and the highs seem to strengthen our bond.
She’s never responded to my wishes and wants
so my sense of belonging and affinity’s lost.
She’s different spots that protrude from her pores.
The same people slinging her rocks view her with scorn.
She’s abused like a whore, but never opens her mouth,
I suppose she’s used to them walking all over her now.
When no-ones around, she takes me to task,
by showing me how to change and adapt.
There’s mistakes from her past she’s obscuring from sight
as she’s papered the cracks and moved with the times.
Her once beautiful, vibrant self now ugly and static
secluded in silence and looking abandoned.
She’s bloodied and damaged, she’s lost to neglect,
she’s struggling and carries a god-awful stench.
But with what she has left of her prominent features
she wants to defend beyond logic and reason.
Downtrodden and beaten, shown no respect,
and her options look bleaker the older she gets.
I love and loathe her immensely, but I’m not looking for pity,
just the son who knows he’s indebted to his mother – the city.

[veritas]

She’s different spots that protrude from her pores.
The same people slinging her rocks view her with scorn.

This was hella dope B. Your natural flow on this was impeccable, plus you did not sacrifice content for flow, which is a talent reserved for the masters of the craft. I fucks with this bro. The entire metaphor was not hampered by your execution and I can appreciate the parrallels and point you emphasized. You may troll, but you can back it up. Respect.

[Kin]

Ohhhhh shiiiiiit this was CRACK

had me guessin up til' the end what you were gonna throw in as the subject...

best part to me
She’s bloodied and damaged, she’s lost to neglect,
she’s struggling and carries a god-awful stench.
But with what she has left of her prominent features
she wants to defend beyond logic and reason.

throughout whole piece your syllables are bouncy making it flow flawless....really thought thiz is one of the best pieces I've read on here..

good shit my dude!!!

hit me up

HoLLa

[Clayray]

Originally Posted by sraL

The son of a bitch and I hate her for that -
if you’ve something to give, then she’ll take what you have.
While you’re breaking your back supporting her greed
she’s changing the man that you thought you would be.

Good way to start this piece off


I’ve crawled at her feet every morning I’ve woke.
She’s all that you need, and more that you don’t.
She’s always evoked both laughter and hatred -
but proved the fork in the road to each path that I’ve taken.
All manner of faces have told her goodbye
as she’s naturally aging and growing in size.
There’s been copious times I could’ve left her and gone,
but the lows and the highs seem to strengthen our bond.
She’s never responded to my wishes and wants
so my sense of belonging and affinity’s lost.

She’s different spots that protrude from her pores.
The same people slinging her rocks view her with scorn.
She’s abused like a whore, but never opens her mouth,
I suppose she’s used to them walking all over her now.

nice use of *insert correct word here*
i can see from both points how it could be taken
describing the city in such a way that it comes off firsthand as being about a women.
not to mention the great flow throughout

When no-ones around, she takes me to task,
by showing me how to change and adapt.
There’s mistakes from her past she’s obscuring from sight
as she’s papered the cracks and moved with the times.
Her once beautiful, vibrant self now ugly and static
secluded in silence and looking abandoned.
She’s bloodied and damaged, she’s lost to neglect,
she’s struggling and carries a god-awful stench.
But with what she has left of her prominent features
she wants to defend beyond logic and reason.
Downtrodden and beaten, shown no respect,
and her options look bleaker the older she gets.
I love and loathe her immensely, but I’m not looking for pity,
just the son who knows he’s indebted to his mother – the city.


quick ish.

Really solid drop dude, nothing to complain about, it read very well and was excecuted in a way that at the end it all comes together in that "oh shit its not what i thought it was" kinda way

[CopyPat]

dopeness lars. on that rhyme whole sentences line flow excellence.
illy
nice topical, good metaphor
really good open mic, content + flow = flames.
too sick. add this to the mantle
maybe one or 2 spots that didn't flow PERFECTLY but you stuck to your topic so all is well
props

[Vulgar]

More often than not your rhyme schemes and clarity take me for a whizz around the third planet. This time, the formula was there, the execution on the ending was barely there, possibly because it reminded me so much of the "I Used To Love H.E.R." concept verses. Your technique and the amount of refined multis you wield makes it look easy - but it's really not. Perhaps I take it for granted, but I feel like some next level wordplay/almost punchline like stingers would really conquer the mantle for you.

There’s been copious times I could’ve left her and gone,
but the lows and the highs seem to strengthen our bond.
She’s never responded to my wishes and wants
so my sense of belonging and affinity’s lost.
She’s different spots that protrude from her pores.
The same people slinging her rocks view her with scorn.
She’s abused like a whore, but never opens her mouth,
I suppose she’s used to them walking all over her now.
^This part was nicely achieved. Many people who don't even read or write much would find truth and meaning in these words.

Good write, Baron. @sraL

[PancakeBrah]

"She’s all that you need, and more that you don’t.
She’s always evoked both laughter and hatred -
but proved the fork in the road to each path that I’ve taken."

Nice. Although I think 'and' would've been better than 'but'?

"I suppose she’s used to them walking all over her now.

Kind of cool with knowing the twist.

I much preferred this to "Unfurgettable". I still don't like twists but here it was obvious what you were actually talking about halfway through the verse (even without the picture). Plus your reputation with twists makes the reader prepared to look for double meanings from the jump. But what made this piece better was the writing itself. A bit more natural, better rhymes. And the metaphor, while done before, was crisply executed. Good read.

keep that pencil strokin'!

[david stern razor burns]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

strokin'!