I want to make you proud Part 2

[Bodey]

@dull boy this is for you.

I rep the lesser flaunt as I toast fresh croissants in restaurants for a suckers pay wage. They spread the sauce and get to chomp- the best to rock your buttered pancakes. Why expect me not to arrest the cops while eatin flesh and blood off another mans face? Or that I'm less than squat to connect the dots, and I'm stressed a lot bouta florescent lit stage. A flexin broad who stretches bars to the specks of stars til she guts her fan-base. Projects the car etchin the tar with rev's and sparks- she goin a Stan chase. It'd be a lie if i couldnt mention that i get high to Intervention like a deprived meth-head fightin that inner tension. Antidepressants with scanty life-lessons leavin me handy for wreckage; the manic depressive who panics and wrestles with Xanax and devils, completely disheveled. The vessel grows with a few to 5 Lexapro, an excessive dose approved by unethicals, oddly all with small testicles whos minds are viewed for tall pedestals, as theyre the ones pretendin to pencil notes and just seem so damn professional. That's why I smoke raw medical cuz I invest in those with chests clenched and cold. That's why I don't see my breath if snow should come before December blows cuz I ain't got no flesh or soul. I'm less than Oh, Z-E-R-O, but you know me as incessant jokes with resin bowls cuz that's jest Nicole.

[david stern razor burns]

Dope.

[big baby]

idk why you trying to impress that nigga, he a loser irl.

try 2 impress me. db easier to impress if you use more literary terms. Your aaab for the first few was aiight, you mismatched syllables in account of about 2 terms and didn't do anything with it in the final segment of your suffix scheme. Also the content over scheme lacked, since it was a bit stretched in that area. Also I like the name nicole, i knew a nicole once. Her sister was a jerk.

But was hot too.

[DexLabb]

stop predating on fat girls again breh, why u so hard up? check ur pof a transvestite just sent u a pm^

[Bodey]

First of all baby I barely understand anything you're saying. Dex at least provide feedback. That's all I ask. Fat trans wtf?

[Zen]

@DexLabb you freepost in one more thread I will delete everything you've ever written here, and every new thread you try to make. Don't test me bish.

I rep the lesser flaunt as I toast fresh croissants in restaurants for a suckers pay wage. They spread the sauce and get to chomp- the best to rock your buttered pancakes. Why expect me not to arrest the cops while eatin flesh and blood off another mans face?
^^I liked these first few lines, especially the last one there.

The beginning started off great, but towards the middle of it I just felt like it slowed down a bit. The rhymes weren't as smooth and the flow was bit choppy to me as the reader. This was cool though. Buttered pancakes reminded me of Bronson lol. Keep dropping.

[Pharaohs Army]

i thought the rhyming in this was superb.
the beginning was impressive and it's relative simplicity kind of "prepared" me for the rhyming/ cadence for the rest of it.

the manic depressive who panics and wrestles with Xanax and devils
that's 3 good multi's and a very cool phrase in only 11 words. dope.

oddly all with small testicles whos minds are viewed for tall pedestals
i'd like to see a comma between "testicles" & "whos", for a slight pause or something.
perhaps it was just the "para" format, but i.m.o. that seems to be the spot that isn't as smooth as the rest.

but other than that i've really got no suggestions for this very enjoyable piece.

[Vulgar]

Tight work.

[Scripter]

I can tell you put time and thought into this piece I thought it was really good. Keep writing!

I really liked this part lol

"Antidepressants with scanty life-lessons leavin me handy for wreckage; the manic depressive who panics and wrestles with Xanax and devils, completely disheveled. The vessel grows with a few to 5 Lexapro, an excessive dose approved by unethicals, oddly all with small testicles whos minds are viewed for tall pedestals, as theyre the ones pretendin to pencil notes and just seem so damn professional."

[Bodey]

thanks for the feed everybody

preciate.

gotta tighten up my shit

[veritas]

word shit was ass