A lost thought

Alphadog · 08-14-2014, 06:38 AM

Once upon a time, there was a man,
conjoined to a plan, he offered help
he passionately seeks wealth,
his provisions are obviously felt throughout the village,
He knows his limits are endless,
As is the knowledge he has succumb to,
As he flourishes about like a single specimen of fungi,
Some guy nourished his thoughts with immaculate performance,
Adorned by mankind,
A morning journey performed by a land slide,
Like a never ending water fall, i can slide but I'd walk you both abreast to safety, that i am obliged, but
This tested my wits greatly, as to a quest we're taking,
Deprived from organics,
Supple with preservatives,
Took a little nerdy kid,
Few days, energy conservative,
As of now, nobody knows where he is,
In a desert abyss, a myth,
Shook in a gullible twist

Kin · 08-14-2014, 02:57 PM

thiz was kinda out there too me....for some reason I liked how this flowed the best
...

Took a little nerdy kid,
Few days, energy conservative,

but this juz seems a lil' random to me...didn't get in depth enough wit' a plot to keep my interest and actually make me wanna understand where it was gonna go...
see it workin' in the poetry world tho'...it's still a unique piece

HoLLa

Pharaohs Army · 08-14-2014, 06:34 PM

i like the way it flows.. most of it is very vague to me but perhaps you did that intentionally..

"Adorned by mankind,
A morning journey performed by a land slide,"

really liked that couplet structure-wise.

08-14-2014, 06:38 AM	#1
Alphadog Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 35 Rep Power: 0	A lost thought Once upon a time, there was a man, conjoined to a plan, he offered help he passionately seeks wealth, his provisions are obviously felt throughout the village, He knows his limits are endless, As is the knowledge he has succumb to, As he flourishes about like a single specimen of fungi, Some guy nourished his thoughts with immaculate performance, Adorned by mankind, A morning journey performed by a land slide, Like a never ending water fall, i can slide but I'd walk you both abreast to safety, that i am obliged, but This tested my wits greatly, as to a quest we're taking, Deprived from organics, Supple with preservatives, Took a little nerdy kid, Few days, energy conservative, As of now, nobody knows where he is, In a desert abyss, a myth, Shook in a gullible twist

08-14-2014, 02:57 PM	#2
Kin Kill.It.Nonstop Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 666 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 662201	thiz was kinda out there too me....for some reason I liked how this flowed the best ... Took a little nerdy kid, Few days, energy conservative, but this juz seems a lil' random to me...didn't get in depth enough wit' a plot to keep my interest and actually make me wanna understand where it was gonna go... see it workin' in the poetry world tho'...it's still a unique piece HoLLa

08-14-2014, 06:34 PM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	i like the way it flows.. most of it is very vague to me but perhaps you did that intentionally.. "Adorned by mankind, A morning journey performed by a land slide," really liked that couplet structure-wise.