Milkshake

[Zen]

Umm, why am I here? Seriously.
Nine o'clock applied for jobs. Pine box epiphanies.
Aren't we the wise gods we're missing?
Hear me, cyber bots shivering.
Time to start delivering primer docs for entering
my quiet flock of guinea p's.
pigs. Fuckin' pricks stuck in skinny jeans get cut with scissor schemes.
Symmetry sprung from my inner dreams to my lungs in the lust of tyranny.
Fuck you. I love you. Enough. You hearing me?
I'm walking Christopher Walken off to dinner down in Boston this winter. Ordered four steaks and lobster. Shitter.
We're all shit. Fertilizer. Words deciphered.
Cursing verse, a virus dispersed returned in a surge of violence
to encourage the riots to purge the tyrants.
Me. New birth of Osiris. Remember? See? *Sighing*
Literally dying. My vicious cycle I created with little bibles
I microwaved it in crystal vials.
Stopped, rocked the cradle as I watched my faithful. I am God.
Seriously. So are you, but I forgot. Weird dream.
Yes, I'm Thomas. It is with the best of honors I'm here with you this evening. Mr. Connors, you and your precious daughter will never go without bread or water believe me. In a month we begin drilling and you'll never go hungry again. Sincerely, fuckin' Zen.

P.S. All work, no play. You know what I'm saying?
The dopest saiyan layin in coma patients still prone to kill and blow your brains in.
Skills so insane. Will of a pro instilled in flow of potent cadence.
Chills from hopeless gazes. No faces, just phases of pills and smoking hazes.
Is this real? It's bogus ain't it?
Feel the ghost of anguish from the quill that wrote these pages.
Made a deal, brokered with satan over meals of soda and bacon til he keeled over chokin'.
WASTED.
Awoke in amazement and went bowling with the eighth pin
to throw it in my basement against the skulls of chosen faces.
Moments pacing in circles for several days
when the world twirled in revelations
and curled inward metal bracelets in twelve placements in seven nations with weapons waiting.
Shells. Cases of wealth. I think I'll take it to Hell with Gates and fellow patrons. We're The Salesman whom sell your favorites. Mister Melvin, you only have yourself to blame here. Had you taken my help you would have embraced your wealth in the same year. Now I drank your wealth. Thanks, dear.

[King Ra.]

P.S. All work, no play. You know what I'm saying?
The dopest saiyan layin in coma patients still prone to kill and blow your brains in.
Skills so insane. Will of a pro instilled in flow of potent cadence.
Chills from hopeless gazes. No faces, just phases of pills and smoking hazes.
Is this real? It's bogus ain't it?
Feel the ghost of anguish from the quill that wrote these pages.
Made a deal, brokered with satan over meals of soda and bacon til he keeled over chokin'.
WASTED.
Awoke in amazement and went bowling with the eighth pin
to throw it in my basement against the skulls of chosen faces.

^This part was just icing on the cake, ESPECIALLY the first four lines.


True Zenmaster form. You've reached that level where you have excel'd with rhyme scheme, while delivering the content. This could definitely benefit you if you ever get into the league again. From the start, you set things off, albeit a bit slowly but I already knew it was gonna blow. The Christopher Walken line was humorous but a good one. Words deciphered to surge of violence was ill. The closing of that first section, leanin'. But your second section was superb content and flow wise. The dopest saiyan line killed it. Brokered with Satan/chokin-wasted was sick. That part from awoke in amazement to seven nations with weapons waiting- mean. And then a humorous-like finish just as in the first section.

This was signature Zen all around. Reads like a crazy drug experience. Random thoughts and ideas formulating a sick episode of sorts.

Dope. Good stuff.

[Coup]

Zen is technically sound, and one of those heads you look to read when he come out with a piece...knowing 'brevity is the soul of wit'. the first stanza was hypnotic, i felt the paragraph break/pause take me out of it...by content wise im not going to strengthen you in that, but you do have the right to write w/e

[e11even]

This was a different feel than your other pieces. It felt more developed and mature. I think you've been either writing more or you've reached a new place in life. I see new in this. And I sincerely like this new trip. It's a little more refined and complex than I remember of you. You still the homie, homie.

[Split]

You should definitely get into spoken word.


I really enjoyed the sections where you had alternating rhymes that shared a syllable. It gave the whole piece a feeling of cohesion and a sick little backbeat.

I enjoyed your content, but it always seems to be the same brand of eclectic... I think for you it is all about the rhymes, so I look forward to seeing your rhymescapes expand and your writing itself grow as a result.

The diction and rhyming was more mature here. Way more confident in your writing. Its crazy what a writing break does to your whole style.