911

Bender · 03-24-2014, 09:09 PM

My shift starts at midnight
Kissed my wife goodnight and tucked the kids in tight
I reflect on my drive in and think about what I did right
And what I would have changed and how it just didn’t sit right
But it’s life….
I got a thirty minute commute, I leave late but don’t panic
Because at this time of day there is little to no traffic
I pull in the parking lot see a puddle and swerve at it
…it splashes
Take one last drag off my cigarette and throw it right at it
I put my lunch away take a shit and wipe my ass
Grab my headset and pen but I forgot my pass
I tap on the glass they let me in when I flash my badge
I take a seat by myself in the back
Plug in and set up my radio and phone with three cords
Wipe all the germs from the last guy off my key boards
If I seem short when I answer, don’t take alot of offense
I just helped someone do 600 compressions on their mom’s chest
And she still ended up dead
It’s not an emergency that your cats in the tree
Or that you mashed up your knee
Can you hold please……I need a car to back Unit 53
My friend called me earlier but I was sleepin'
Wanted to hang out but I am at work this whole weekend
And I’m freaking out and sick of talking to these men
And ladies who have been out all night drinking again
Finally a break I’m ready to dig in my lunch box
But at 0430 in the morning my stomachs in knots
I don’t want to eat I just want to go back to sleep but I’m not
So I just try to finish the shift without pissing off any more cops
I don’t want to get fired
But I’m so fucking tired
And I heard about this guy one time that slept through a structural fire
I see the sun coming up through the buildings one window
Think about the drive home and colliding with my pillow
And how I need to stay awake in the car or my wife will be a widow
It’s time for shift change and thought my shift was boring
And how I could have fell asleep if I didn’t start snoring
Instead my phone rings and it’s a number I recognize
It’s my mom’s house! No it’s not that’s a five
…I need to open my eyes
I am packing up my stuff and trying to get out of sight
My relief says good morning and I say “yeah right”
“more like good night,
…I’m going to bed my next shift starts at midnight”

Bender · 03-24-2014, 09:24 PM

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60287
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60290

Greed · 03-24-2014, 09:27 PM

Alright storyline wise. Nothing special in terms of scheme. Ending was depressing.

Fig · 03-28-2014, 01:19 AM

This was actually a nice story. Gives some insight into the life and daily grind of a medic, cop or whoever it is. You really got a sense of how defeated this person felt. Really morose and depressing, but that kinda shit goes over well with me.

Some details seemed unnecessary, like the wiping of the ass, or the splashing of the puddle. And the transition from the narrator's commute to putting away his lunch and wiping his ass was non existent. It made me lol though because of how abrupt it was. I was like, gross.

I dozed off at the end. I think the part about him recognizing his mom's number for a second was nice, but I also think it would've been more effective and logical had it been his wife's number. Just saying

You have the mark of a storyteller, I believe. You just need to refine your craft.

Keep doin you

Bender · 03-28-2014, 11:22 PM

Thanks

I am not much of a topical writer but sometimes when I am bored I will write.

I was at work, I work as a 911 Dispatcher and thought it would be a cool topic.

03-24-2014, 09:09 PM	#1
Bender Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 264 Battle Record: 11-5 Rep Power: 146919	911 My shift starts at midnight Kissed my wife goodnight and tucked the kids in tight I reflect on my drive in and think about what I did right And what I would have changed and how it just didn’t sit right But it’s life…. I got a thirty minute commute, I leave late but don’t panic Because at this time of day there is little to no traffic I pull in the parking lot see a puddle and swerve at it …it splashes Take one last drag off my cigarette and throw it right at it I put my lunch away take a shit and wipe my ass Grab my headset and pen but I forgot my pass I tap on the glass they let me in when I flash my badge I take a seat by myself in the back Plug in and set up my radio and phone with three cords Wipe all the germs from the last guy off my key boards If I seem short when I answer, don’t take alot of offense I just helped someone do 600 compressions on their mom’s chest And she still ended up dead It’s not an emergency that your cats in the tree Or that you mashed up your knee Can you hold please……I need a car to back Unit 53 My friend called me earlier but I was sleepin' Wanted to hang out but I am at work this whole weekend And I’m freaking out and sick of talking to these men And ladies who have been out all night drinking again Finally a break I’m ready to dig in my lunch box But at 0430 in the morning my stomachs in knots I don’t want to eat I just want to go back to sleep but I’m not So I just try to finish the shift without pissing off any more cops I don’t want to get fired But I’m so fucking tired And I heard about this guy one time that slept through a structural fire I see the sun coming up through the buildings one window Think about the drive home and colliding with my pillow And how I need to stay awake in the car or my wife will be a widow It’s time for shift change and thought my shift was boring And how I could have fell asleep if I didn’t start snoring Instead my phone rings and it’s a number I recognize It’s my mom’s house! No it’s not that’s a five …I need to open my eyes I am packing up my stuff and trying to get out of sight My relief says good morning and I say “yeah right” “more like good night, …I’m going to bed my next shift starts at midnight” Last edited by Bender; 03-24-2014 at 09:16 PM.

03-24-2014, 09:24 PM	#2
Bender Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 264 Battle Record: 11-5 Rep Power: 146919	http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60287 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60290 Last edited by Bender; 03-24-2014 at 10:05 PM.

03-28-2014, 01:19 AM	#4
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	This was actually a nice story. Gives some insight into the life and daily grind of a medic, cop or whoever it is. You really got a sense of how defeated this person felt. Really morose and depressing, but that kinda shit goes over well with me. Some details seemed unnecessary, like the wiping of the ass, or the splashing of the puddle. And the transition from the narrator's commute to putting away his lunch and wiping his ass was non existent. It made me lol though because of how abrupt it was. I was like, gross. I dozed off at the end. I think the part about him recognizing his mom's number for a second was nice, but I also think it would've been more effective and logical had it been his wife's number. Just saying You have the mark of a storyteller, I believe. You just need to refine your craft. Keep doin you __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

03-24-2014, 09:27 PM	#3
Greed Raw Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,721 Battle Record: 21-40 Rep Power: 29975687	Alright storyline wise. Nothing special in terms of scheme. Ending was depressing.

03-28-2014, 11:22 PM	#5
Bender Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 264 Battle Record: 11-5 Rep Power: 146919	Thanks I am not much of a topical writer but sometimes when I am bored I will write. I was at work, I work as a 911 Dispatcher and thought it would be a cool topic.