When 10 dollars could buy you nothing

big baby · 11-29-2013, 07:33 PM

tongues tied, gold rainbows, smoke a warped cigar
so we whisper au revoir, and unwind tornadoes
that blow away the cobwebs, embossed in color grids
extinguish ember that threw caution to the wind
off a few good 1’s befour we count to 2
hand on your hips, heartbeat so out of tune
wish for more than whats forever, etched in blush pencil streaks
collected the smithereens, just to put them back together

e11even · 11-30-2013, 06:58 PM

Your schem style is dope. I like the rhyme shifts. Do you write songs?

Btw thanks for the feed.

Wise Wiggles · 12-01-2013, 11:41 AM

Post more words

Split · 12-05-2013, 07:21 AM

Nice. Brevity is a strong tool when used right

tongues tied, gold rainbows, smoke a warped cigar
so we whisper au revoir, and unwind tornadoes
that blow away the cobwebs, embossed in color grids
extinguish ember that threw caution to the wind
> interesting. If Lewis Carrol wrote "wizard of oz". like the repetition of the W and soft E sounds. it was eerie. You understand rhyming on a scary level.

off a few good 1’s befour we count to 2
hand on your hips, heartbeat so out of tune
wish for more than whats forever, etched in blush pencil streaks
collected the smithereens, just to put them back together

> "heartbeat out of tune" was gorgeous. liked the ending line. interstitial- intentional.

seemed to me to be a short treatise on the aloofness in even the closest relationship, almost as if you were comparing the disconnected wonder of adolescence (a realization and subsequent accostimization to the full character of adulthood/ and the People you and your friends have become) to human progress.

All through a prism of culture that begs for the big words but doesn't want to bother with pronunciation. If that makes sense, hopefully. How silver screen! "Brick" from a 1st person POV. Brick is beautiful btw. I'm a sucker for noire

keep writing

big baby · 12-06-2013, 09:30 PM

That was great feed, split. Thank you.

PancakeBrah · 12-06-2013, 09:58 PM

obv alias is obv.

im jealous of how concisely you word affecting thoughts without being corny or tired.

im less impressed with your sometimes lame wording to tie in concepts (befour, italicizing, etc.)

overall very good. would read again on a wistful sunday night.

Wise Wiggles · 12-16-2013, 12:13 AM

^ it's Sunday and you just tripped me out

11-29-2013, 07:33 PM	#1
big baby obsessed Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: fucka idiyote Posts: 5,709 Battle Record: Faggot-1 Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2 Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2 - was candidate for gerber baby 3x - smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote" - smush beer on head and didn't cry - parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once - when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan - won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a - neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper - set neighbor house on fire lmao - fuck neighbor husband and wife - first fish caught resembled david ortiz - colin kaepernick - related to genghis khan - elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club - never lost game of hide and seek Rep Power: 8599682	When 10 dollars could buy you nothing tongues tied, gold rainbows, smoke a warped cigar so we whisper au revoir, and unwind tornadoes that blow away the cobwebs, embossed in color grids extinguish ember that threw caution to the wind off a few good 1’s befour we count to 2 hand on your hips, heartbeat so out of tune wish for more than whats forever, etched in blush pencil streaks collected the smithereens, just to put them back together

11-30-2013, 06:58 PM	#2
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Your schem style is dope. I like the rhyme shifts. Do you write songs? Btw thanks for the feed. __________________ Ahem.

12-01-2013, 11:41 AM	#3
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Post more words __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-05-2013, 07:21 AM	#4
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	Nice. Brevity is a strong tool when used right tongues tied, gold rainbows, smoke a warped cigar so we whisper au revoir, and unwind tornadoes that blow away the cobwebs, embossed in color grids extinguish ember that threw caution to the wind > interesting. If Lewis Carrol wrote "wizard of oz". like the repetition of the W and soft E sounds. it was eerie. You understand rhyming on a scary level. off a few good 1’s befour we count to 2 hand on your hips, heartbeat so out of tune wish for more than whats forever, etched in blush pencil streaks collected the smithereens, just to put them back together > "heartbeat out of tune" was gorgeous. liked the ending line. interstitial- intentional. seemed to me to be a short treatise on the aloofness in even the closest relationship, almost as if you were comparing the disconnected wonder of adolescence (a realization and subsequent accostimization to the full character of adulthood/ and the People you and your friends have become) to human progress. All through a prism of culture that begs for the big words but doesn't want to bother with pronunciation. If that makes sense, hopefully. How silver screen! "Brick" from a 1st person POV. Brick is beautiful btw. I'm a sucker for noire keep writing __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com Last edited by Split; 12-05-2013 at 07:28 AM.

12-06-2013, 09:58 PM	#6
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	obv alias is obv. im jealous of how concisely you word affecting thoughts without being corny or tired. im less impressed with your sometimes lame wording to tie in concepts (befour, italicizing, etc.) overall very good. would read again on a wistful sunday night. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

12-06-2013, 09:30 PM	#5
big baby obsessed Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: fucka idiyote Posts: 5,709 Battle Record: Faggot-1 Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2 Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2 - was candidate for gerber baby 3x - smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote" - smush beer on head and didn't cry - parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once - when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan - won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a - neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper - set neighbor house on fire lmao - fuck neighbor husband and wife - first fish caught resembled david ortiz - colin kaepernick - related to genghis khan - elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club - never lost game of hide and seek Rep Power: 8599682	That was great feed, split. Thank you.

12-16-2013, 12:13 AM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	^ it's Sunday and you just tripped me out __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"