Week 8 - TITLE MATCH - Frank (5-2) vs. Certain (6-1) - FRANK WINS 8-0

Mike Wrecka · 11-11-2013, 07:22 AM

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.

Topic

Tearz

Good Luck @Frank @Certain

Certain · 11-16-2013, 12:39 AM

My father couldn't move his left arm on the hospital bed.
He nodded instead, swollen from fluid bloating his adominal set
and all through his chest.
The tubes kept him alive but also collared his neck,
so he strained with his right hand to reach out and coddle my head.
His only son, I stared blankly, knowing my father neared death
but unable to muster emotion as his only progeny left.
I kissed his cheek. He smelled like medicine mixed with disease
and died six days later. My mom by his side had drifted asleep.

This is about the time I'd turn to the funeral service
and tell a story about breaking down crying, consumed by the sermon.
But that didn't happen. My father died, me near turning 19,
my grandmother at 22, my dog at 11.
I don't even believe in a god or a heaven, yet it's here that it strikes me
that not once did I shed a tear without Visine.
I'm an emotional void, coasting on an autism cluster.
A patchwork palaver-pushing semi-person and caustic disrupter.
I've learned to channel emotions through dismantled devotions,
better at handling obits than looking myself in the mirror.
The selfishness seers. I've felt a gradual closeness
with psychopaths, liars and the baddest of culprits.
My lips twist to an enveloping sneer. I try to wash it away,
but Listerine only kills 99.9 percent of plausible pain.

So I tell tall tales and catalog disconsolates
with blue-state sob stories and scatter-shot dishonestness.
It's vicarious masochism, text messages with emojis exposed.
But if I wrote from the soul, the acid would prove too corrosive to hold.
I live through these characters — one week a faggot, the next a whore —
and each piece provides release for personal resentment stored.
So when I cut through the tension's core, my heart of darkness free and clear,
I find it's always easier to shed other people's tears.

Frank · 11-16-2013, 03:13 AM

Mascara cascades down the high slopes of my mother’s cheek bones.
She is in complete control as blue streaks flow down the make up breaking up the peach tone.
She wipes her sleeve and weeps discretely by the 3 feet stove.
A petite soul - whipping up a massive Thanksgiving feast for a family of behemoths, in fiend mode.
She blinks, releasing rows of morose into a greased hole.
A shallow casserole bowl - her grandmother bought with a red cents at an antique show.
..
My 8 year old nephew slices and dices celery like a mean green machine - clean blow – he debo’s the celery into tiny pieces and pours butter by the heap; slow.
..
My 7 year old niece goes and cracks eggs, beating the yolk into a yellow cream float -
My mother greets folks with kisses on each cheek; directing them to their seats,
Mopes - as the cuisine glows in the clear oven, on 360 degrees –
Soaked, marinating in her grandmothers secret recipe, the Turkey wings roast.
My brother Joe had just gotten out of jail after doing 12 years for robbery -
It looked like my mother had seen a ghost.
..
She cleans her hand and squeezes Joe; eyes laminated, leaking loads,
His delinquent clothes - clinging to his creaking bones - she let’s go – he reeks of rose.
My 16 year old sister thinks she’s grown - feeding her 1 month old baby-food at the dinner table to keep him composed.
He cries out of hunger; my mother, cries out of grief - both secreting a mote.
..
People have drove from the east coast to taste my mothers stuffing; her seasonings known.
My dog whimpers at the edge of the kitchen for a piece; he pleadingly groans.
Puppy eyes; extremely difficult to say no too once they’re seepingly gross.
She adds parsley, raisins, to the stuffing, mixing, sweepingly, choked -
Cough-like, convulsive, breathing, her eyes bleeding, she boasts –
“This stuffing is to die for” her eyes red –
Allergies? Could it be smoke?
“I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this meal" – she say’s dripping into the cuisine on the stove.
Pleasure and irritation in her eyes - she proceeded to toast, teary eyed
She gleamed as a host.
When my brother Joe came back from Jail, he had tear drops tattooed;
mother asked ‘’what’s the meaning of those?
And Joe said
“I’m forever crying inside” his eyes watering like a crease in a hose.
Her eyes lubricated,
The dishes saturated,
She reached for a clove -
And peeled another onion, shedding tears - completely at home.

Happy Thanksgiving

Mike Wrecka · 11-16-2013, 12:04 PM

sick battle guys

Certain - the best verse ive read from you so far imo. you took the flow to the next level. and you had emotion and told a personal story. basically every weakness i could have pointed out in your previous writing , you used as a strength here. sick stuff man. who the fuck are you. this was upper echelon. i hated the visine line btw. felt out of place. and you brought it home by really letting us know that you were talking about Certain. referencing your last two pieces was a good move.

Frank - classic frank. flow was insane. i think what jumps out at me with your verses is the flow, its relentless. it just hits you and keeps hitting you again. the rhyme strings you pull off. the multis are always top notch. best on the board. this was a great verse about a mother cooking thanksgiving dinner and all the emotions that come along with that. from the exhaustion and aggravation to the elation of seeing family members. and the whole back story of the son coming home from jail. you guys both nailed the topic.

overall - man how can i choose between the two. im flip flopping in my mind even as i type this. id give both verses a ten. probably two of the top three favorite verses ive read all season. wtih nycspitz's verse about the tree. im digressing intentionally to give myself more time. franks was longer, which gave us more to chew on. certains was more concise though.
just read them for the third time.

im going with Frank. sorry certain, props for the verse. your top tier now imo

Vote - Frank

ThisisDAM · 11-16-2013, 05:52 PM

This just overtook everything as battle of the week that I've read so far. Excellent matchup. Certain came pretty dope. Very emotional peice, you have story telling skills. Very impressed. A couple parts seemed off to be but nitpicking, frank had a couple too. Frank, no wonder your always up there in ranks. You have an impeccable skill at your approach to scheme. You painted an absolute picture that resonated with me. I saw the scene you were building. You did come a bit longer then Certain, may be a lil advantage. But overall, this is close. I really liked both verse, but edge it to Frank. His approach and imagery just came a lil bit better.

Vote - Frank

Certain · 11-17-2013, 12:05 AM

Frank leads 2-0.

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31669
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31664
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31665
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31666
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31668
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31667

NYCSPITZ · 11-17-2013, 12:19 PM

Certain-

You're an excellent writer. Your blue state line stood out the most to me and the last paragraph was dope. Fucked up childhood kid turned nerotic psycho of the buffalo bill ilk, maybe not but def a crazy dude. Interesting to think about how much early experiences affect you. The second paragraph was my main issue - while the writing was dope, it didn't really evoke any emotion which I guess is what you were going for to give the 3rd paragraph impact, but to be real it stopped the momentum you gathered in the first part. I felt you could have used part 2 to gather even more momentum to make 3 impactful, which would have been the emphatic case if your language was more lively in pt 2. Also didn't get the listerine part, what did u mean by that

Frank this is prob in my top 3 verses from u ever. Dope flow, multies off the chain and it was just a smooth ass read. The way you placed words here kept a certain tension alive throughout the entire piece so that when you added the twist at the end it was like LOL damn, that's fire. It was more of a departure from the more traditional view of tears that certain took and I enjoyed it a lot.

V/ frank

Zen · 11-17-2013, 07:27 PM

Certain: Perfect word usage. That seems to be your strong suit each and every week. It's a very impressive ability to drop the vocab that you do and still maintain the flow. Nice. The story was cool. A sociopath who can't feel, but it was the lead in at the beginning that I thought was the coolest part. As a reader I thought if would be a heartfelt story of a man losing his father but then the tone shifted and it became about a man unable to cry. Very interesting take on the topic. Well done.

Frank: Vintage Frank right here. Reminded me of the piece you did last season about the bum looking for warmth, but this mechanically was the most well crafted piece from you I've ever read. Creativity wise I can only think of one verse more creative and that was the Truman piece, but the emotional impact of this was very strong. This is a perfect example of why you're my favorite writer in the league right now.

I really enjoyed Certain's take this week. I especially thought going in the opposite direction with the topic (a man who couldn't cry) was very creative, but after reading Frank's verse which was packed with emotion, that ended up hurting Certain imo. Great battle regardless.

V/Frank

Vulgar · 11-17-2013, 11:46 PM

Certain - Stellar, but didn't stir up anything in my bones. Quality wording and thought construction. I'd have to say the main issue of this verse was convincing me of its authenticity. I try to be an open minded reader and allow characters to affect me; the first stanza was a bit dry emotionally. Good submission but left much to be desired in its final result.

Frank - Man, you almost lost me because I really dislike those instances where you blatantly force the rhyme (i.e. reeks of rose, seepingly gross) You pulled this one off with high marks though due to your ending. Vibrant storytelling. Aromatic and inventive. Good work, champ.

Vote - Frank

Props to both.

Diode · 11-18-2013, 12:34 AM

Certain:

Technical precision. The first half of the story was headed into all the right places for me.. and then came the contrived, overdone sociopath angle. I've seen it too many times. I was turned off immediately. You are a great linguist.. I wish you had stayed the course with the initial outline.

Frank:

Not as technically sound as Certain and more prose than hip hop, but wow. The story. The story, the story, the story. Great imagery to go with it and there was no cliched twist. I was holding out hope you wouldn't have her drop dead at the end and you didn't. You gave me the feels, Frank. THE FEELS.

v/ Frank

symetrik · 11-18-2013, 12:55 AM

certain:
felt a little disheveled, the final stanza using dope wordage that didn't across in the other two as hard and seemed out of place.
plus, product placement, gross.

favourite lines:

Quote:

I'm an emotional void, coasting on an autism cluster.
A patchwork palaver-pushing semi-person and caustic disrupter.

Quote:

So I tell tall tales and catalog disconsolates
with blue-state sob stories and scatter-shot dishonestness.

frank:
good plot, seemed a little back and forth (or out of order?) in terms of story telling time line, but I grasped the idea readily.
constant feeling of the topic was awesome, as well.

favourite lines:

Quote:

When my brother Joe came back from Jail, he had tear drops tattooed;
mother asked ‘’what’s the meaning of those?
And Joe said
“I’m forever crying inside” his eyes watering like a crease in a hose.

vote: Frank

e11even · 11-18-2013, 01:37 AM

Certain- That shit was pretty dope. This persona you adopted for the verse sounds like a demon trapped in a flesh reincarnated and it's like life is trying to force feeling as a karma, when in-fact, he's incapable.
That thought aside, this was prety well written and full of direct content, yet an elusive form of execution. Seemingly effortless on your part. Good stuff.

Frank- This was very beautifully written. You paint pictures like no other, my friend. Some parts seemed like they rhymed in an excessive annoying way, moreso, than some other pieces I've read from you. As a whole though, this was a gorgeous caption to a family occassion gone right in a family full of, what seems to be, potentially dramatic circumstances. There were so many facets to each of the characters, almost as if you could have written a book to entail every backstory. Great work.

Great battle. You both brought typically entertaining verse per your writing personas. This was the most interesting battle I've read this week, and I look forward to both of your drops next week. MVGT Frank for a more thoroughly explored story with fully imagined characters and an engaging, descriptive atmosphere. Awesome work guys.

11-11-2013, 07:22 AM	#1
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	Week 8 - TITLE MATCH - Frank (5-2) vs. Certain (6-1) - FRANK WINS 8-0 Season 2 Rules Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post. If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension. Topic Tearz Good Luck @Frank @Certain __________________ A.bove T.he R.est Last edited by Certain; 11-11-2013 at 11:53 PM.

11-16-2013, 03:13 AM	#3
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Mascara cascades down the high slopes of my mother’s cheek bones. She is in complete control as blue streaks flow down the make up breaking up the peach tone. She wipes her sleeve and weeps discretely by the 3 feet stove. A petite soul - whipping up a massive Thanksgiving feast for a family of behemoths, in fiend mode. She blinks, releasing rows of morose into a greased hole. A shallow casserole bowl - her grandmother bought with a red cents at an antique show. .. My 8 year old nephew slices and dices celery like a mean green machine - clean blow – he debo’s the celery into tiny pieces and pours butter by the heap; slow. .. My 7 year old niece goes and cracks eggs, beating the yolk into a yellow cream float - My mother greets folks with kisses on each cheek; directing them to their seats, Mopes - as the cuisine glows in the clear oven, on 360 degrees – Soaked, marinating in her grandmothers secret recipe, the Turkey wings roast. My brother Joe had just gotten out of jail after doing 12 years for robbery - It looked like my mother had seen a ghost. .. She cleans her hand and squeezes Joe; eyes laminated, leaking loads, His delinquent clothes - clinging to his creaking bones - she let’s go – he reeks of rose. My 16 year old sister thinks she’s grown - feeding her 1 month old baby-food at the dinner table to keep him composed. He cries out of hunger; my mother, cries out of grief - both secreting a mote. .. People have drove from the east coast to taste my mothers stuffing; her seasonings known. My dog whimpers at the edge of the kitchen for a piece; he pleadingly groans. Puppy eyes; extremely difficult to say no too once they’re seepingly gross. She adds parsley, raisins, to the stuffing, mixing, sweepingly, choked - Cough-like, convulsive, breathing, her eyes bleeding, she boasts – “This stuffing is to die for” her eyes red – Allergies? Could it be smoke? “I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this meal" – she say’s dripping into the cuisine on the stove. Pleasure and irritation in her eyes - she proceeded to toast, teary eyed She gleamed as a host. When my brother Joe came back from Jail, he had tear drops tattooed; mother asked ‘’what’s the meaning of those? And Joe said “I’m forever crying inside” his eyes watering like a crease in a hose. Her eyes lubricated, The dishes saturated, She reached for a clove - And peeled another onion, shedding tears - completely at home. Happy Thanksgiving __________________ *VETWORK* Last edited by Frank; 11-16-2013 at 04:39 AM.

11-16-2013, 12:04 PM	#4
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	sick battle guys Certain - the best verse ive read from you so far imo. you took the flow to the next level. and you had emotion and told a personal story. basically every weakness i could have pointed out in your previous writing , you used as a strength here. sick stuff man. who the fuck are you. this was upper echelon. i hated the visine line btw. felt out of place. and you brought it home by really letting us know that you were talking about Certain. referencing your last two pieces was a good move. Frank - classic frank. flow was insane. i think what jumps out at me with your verses is the flow, its relentless. it just hits you and keeps hitting you again. the rhyme strings you pull off. the multis are always top notch. best on the board. this was a great verse about a mother cooking thanksgiving dinner and all the emotions that come along with that. from the exhaustion and aggravation to the elation of seeing family members. and the whole back story of the son coming home from jail. you guys both nailed the topic. overall - man how can i choose between the two. im flip flopping in my mind even as i type this. id give both verses a ten. probably two of the top three favorite verses ive read all season. wtih nycspitz's verse about the tree. im digressing intentionally to give myself more time. franks was longer, which gave us more to chew on. certains was more concise though. just read them for the third time. im going with Frank. sorry certain, props for the verse. your top tier now imo Vote - Frank __________________ A.bove T.he R.est

11-16-2013, 05:52 PM	#5
ThisisDAM Significance over Purpose Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: nYc Posts: 141 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 38	This just overtook everything as battle of the week that I've read so far. Excellent matchup. Certain came pretty dope. Very emotional peice, you have story telling skills. Very impressed. A couple parts seemed off to be but nitpicking, frank had a couple too. Frank, no wonder your always up there in ranks. You have an impeccable skill at your approach to scheme. You painted an absolute picture that resonated with me. I saw the scene you were building. You did come a bit longer then Certain, may be a lil advantage. But overall, this is close. I really liked both verse, but edge it to Frank. His approach and imagery just came a lil bit better. Vote - Frank __________________ Twitter - @ThisisDAM

11-17-2013, 12:05 AM	#6
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Frank leads 2-0. http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31669 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31664 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31665 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31666 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31668 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=31667 __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

11-16-2013, 12:39 AM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	My father couldn't move his left arm on the hospital bed. He nodded instead, swollen from fluid bloating his adominal set and all through his chest. The tubes kept him alive but also collared his neck, so he strained with his right hand to reach out and coddle my head. His only son, I stared blankly, knowing my father neared death but unable to muster emotion as his only progeny left. I kissed his cheek. He smelled like medicine mixed with disease and died six days later. My mom by his side had drifted asleep. This is about the time I'd turn to the funeral service and tell a story about breaking down crying, consumed by the sermon. But that didn't happen. My father died, me near turning 19, my grandmother at 22, my dog at 11. I don't even believe in a god or a heaven, yet it's here that it strikes me that not once did I shed a tear without Visine. I'm an emotional void, coasting on an autism cluster. A patchwork palaver-pushing semi-person and caustic disrupter. I've learned to channel emotions through dismantled devotions, better at handling obits than looking myself in the mirror. The selfishness seers. I've felt a gradual closeness with psychopaths, liars and the baddest of culprits. My lips twist to an enveloping sneer. I try to wash it away, but Listerine only kills 99.9 percent of plausible pain. So I tell tall tales and catalog disconsolates with blue-state sob stories and scatter-shot dishonestness. It's vicarious masochism, text messages with emojis exposed. But if I wrote from the soul, the acid would prove too corrosive to hold. I live through these characters — one week a faggot, the next a whore — and each piece provides release for personal resentment stored. So when I cut through the tension's core, my heart of darkness free and clear, I find it's always easier to shed other people's tears.

11-17-2013, 12:19 PM	#7
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	Certain- You're an excellent writer. Your blue state line stood out the most to me and the last paragraph was dope. Fucked up childhood kid turned nerotic psycho of the buffalo bill ilk, maybe not but def a crazy dude. Interesting to think about how much early experiences affect you. The second paragraph was my main issue - while the writing was dope, it didn't really evoke any emotion which I guess is what you were going for to give the 3rd paragraph impact, but to be real it stopped the momentum you gathered in the first part. I felt you could have used part 2 to gather even more momentum to make 3 impactful, which would have been the emphatic case if your language was more lively in pt 2. Also didn't get the listerine part, what did u mean by that Frank this is prob in my top 3 verses from u ever. Dope flow, multies off the chain and it was just a smooth ass read. The way you placed words here kept a certain tension alive throughout the entire piece so that when you added the twist at the end it was like LOL damn, that's fire. It was more of a departure from the more traditional view of tears that certain took and I enjoyed it a lot. V/ frank

11-17-2013, 07:27 PM	#8
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Certain: Perfect word usage. That seems to be your strong suit each and every week. It's a very impressive ability to drop the vocab that you do and still maintain the flow. Nice. The story was cool. A sociopath who can't feel, but it was the lead in at the beginning that I thought was the coolest part. As a reader I thought if would be a heartfelt story of a man losing his father but then the tone shifted and it became about a man unable to cry. Very interesting take on the topic. Well done. Frank: Vintage Frank right here. Reminded me of the piece you did last season about the bum looking for warmth, but this mechanically was the most well crafted piece from you I've ever read. Creativity wise I can only think of one verse more creative and that was the Truman piece, but the emotional impact of this was very strong. This is a perfect example of why you're my favorite writer in the league right now. I really enjoyed Certain's take this week. I especially thought going in the opposite direction with the topic (a man who couldn't cry) was very creative, but after reading Frank's verse which was packed with emotion, that ended up hurting Certain imo. Great battle regardless. V/Frank

11-17-2013, 11:46 PM	#9
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Certain - Stellar, but didn't stir up anything in my bones. Quality wording and thought construction. I'd have to say the main issue of this verse was convincing me of its authenticity. I try to be an open minded reader and allow characters to affect me; the first stanza was a bit dry emotionally. Good submission but left much to be desired in its final result. Frank - Man, you almost lost me because I really dislike those instances where you blatantly force the rhyme (i.e. reeks of rose, seepingly gross) You pulled this one off with high marks though due to your ending. Vibrant storytelling. Aromatic and inventive. Good work, champ. Vote - Frank Props to both.

11-18-2013, 12:34 AM	#10
Diode PR's Finest Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 14,165 Battle Record: 12-7 Rep Power: 85899410	Certain: Technical precision. The first half of the story was headed into all the right places for me.. and then came the contrived, overdone sociopath angle. I've seen it too many times. I was turned off immediately. You are a great linguist.. I wish you had stayed the course with the initial outline. Frank: Not as technically sound as Certain and more prose than hip hop, but wow. The story. The story, the story, the story. Great imagery to go with it and there was no cliched twist. I was holding out hope you wouldn't have her drop dead at the end and you didn't. You gave me the feels, Frank. THE FEELS. v/ Frank __________________

11-18-2013, 01:37 AM	#12
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Certain- That shit was pretty dope. This persona you adopted for the verse sounds like a demon trapped in a flesh reincarnated and it's like life is trying to force feeling as a karma, when in-fact, he's incapable. That thought aside, this was prety well written and full of direct content, yet an elusive form of execution. Seemingly effortless on your part. Good stuff. Frank- This was very beautifully written. You paint pictures like no other, my friend. Some parts seemed like they rhymed in an excessive annoying way, moreso, than some other pieces I've read from you. As a whole though, this was a gorgeous caption to a family occassion gone right in a family full of, what seems to be, potentially dramatic circumstances. There were so many facets to each of the characters, almost as if you could have written a book to entail every backstory. Great work. Great battle. You both brought typically entertaining verse per your writing personas. This was the most interesting battle I've read this week, and I look forward to both of your drops next week. MVGT Frank for a more thoroughly explored story with fully imagined characters and an engaging, descriptive atmosphere. Awesome work guys. __________________ Ahem.