CopyPat and Certain are "Going in Circles"

[Certain]

I've been uninspired, forcing smiles through my grinding teeth.
There's a set of empty pill bottles trying to find some sleep.
But I'll keep shaking, prying tops off with a drooling hydrant lockjaw,
and the only cure: to get my rocks off and into my grimy sock drawer.
It's fucking pathetic, no point crowning a pretense.
Life got flipped, turned upside down and drowned in the deep end.

I be in town every weekend, I’m way too lazy for hot springs
And just lounge in the evenings, ’cause chasing ladies’ exhausting
I aim to fake I’m belonging but it’s surely mere jokes
And ain’t the same with the parties cause I’m thirty years old
And now that I’m the boss I don’t want no changes so..
How can I be lost when I got no place to go?

And I haven't gone anywhere; my life's in stasis.
My time is wasted. Spineless. Basic. Blind to faces.
These blurred lines can shapeshift.
Every stride is aimless. Horizon-chasing but confined in matrix.
I'll ride the waiver wire, though I'm hopeful to pass through the first cut.
These wounds don't spurt blood, but they also don't scab.

Aimless wonderer… career non-career haver
Makes me ponder with a beer on the pier after
A long day of shit, what a wrong way to live
Jobs make me sick but i just wanna make it rich
It’s just a yearly little chore cause i don’t all the way commit
And the fear of being bored is what always makes me quit.

[YDK]

Really strong closer here, loved it. I see wat you meant about creating more of a backdrop serpent, the flow was good for the most part but a couple lines killed me cuz it felt like it was lacking a word to keep the flow like the chasing ladies exhausting line. Content was strong tho an I liked the second stanza for the multies but the third was my favorite because it felt the most complete technically speaking an maintained the strong content.
Good shit fellas keep droppin

[Zen]

What up Pat? This shit right here was pretty fuckin good. First drop I've read since I've came back and it was a good place to start it looks like. The flow on this piece was the major point of this. Some of the lines didn't blow me away but I know that if this shit was rapped it'd be fuckin ill. Good job fellas.

[Wise Wiggles]

Read this gonna eat this baha fresh then I will comment on this.

[PancakeBrah]

The fact you didn't label or signify who wrote which verse was a nice touch in terms of the collaboration. If you're familiar with the writing styles of each writer you can tell, but it's a nice little trick.

"I've been uninspired, forcing smiles through my grinding teeth.
There's a set of empty pill bottles trying to find some sleep.
But I'll keep shaking, prying tops off with a drooling hydrant lockjaw,
and the only cure: to get my rocks off and into my grimy sock drawer."

I relate to this. I'm listening to Bound 2. Good song. The idea of resorting to pills or forcing smiles is played in the macro sense, but the way you worded this made it work for me. Maybe I'm just relating to it too much and giving too much credit, but I thought this section was worded crisply, minus the unnecessary 'and'. 'Drooling hydrant lockjaw' and 'grimy sock draw' was fun. The first bar > the second bar, but I liked both. I did not like the ender for the first verse, because it had the age old idea without the unique wording. Didn't do much for me.

"I be in town every weekend, I’m way too lazy for hot springs
And just lounge in the evenings, ’cause chasing ladies’ exhausting
I aim to fake I’m belonging but it’s surely mere jokes
And ain’t the same with the parties cause I’m thirty years old
And now that I’m the boss I don’t want no changes so..
How can I be lost when I got no place to go?"

Lovely. Sometimes I have to reread your rhymes to catch the length of the multi. I just assume they're standard, but they're never. Too lazy for hot springs, thirty years old, and the wording of the last couplet. All highlights.

"And I haven't gone anywhere; my life's in stasis.
My time is wasted. Spineless. Basic. Blind to faces.
These blurred lines can shapeshift."

The last line of this made it all click. I enjoyed the stunted growth from the punctuation leading into a creative thought. Stream of conscious relation to a feeling, to a blunt combination of phrasing that really worked. You seem to lose steam after starting strong, though. So far in this you built up an emotional/real life basis for you verses, and the football/sport metaphor seemed a bit garish, and the last line lacked oomph. I have the same problem sometimes, I'll write a "simple" line thinking it's simplicity and message is enough, and that a reader will ruminate on it and think it's worthwhile. Like, the classics are the classics. But I don't think it works in the end, usually.

"And the fear of being bored is what always makes me quit."

Best line of the last verse. Wasn't a huge fan of this section, although I enjoyed the rhymes and maybe the 'pier after' line has this dusk in the Summer imagery that I'm not giving enough credit for. I preferred your first verse.


I liked reading this, and will probably read through it again. It was a little uneven, but it had a good momentum. The quality of the writer's shone through even if I've liked other drops from each of you more. Good contribution.

[dull boy]

I like how Certain uses concepts more than rhyming. You can tell Copy's rhyme drive him, where as Certain rhymes around the concepts.

Dope.

[Zombie]

A lot of things said in the first verse, with very little writing. And in the second as well. I can tell who's both. Though what @dull boy said is true. This doesn't really seem to be the case here. I connected with both. Very good collab guys! And if anybody's reading, we're all assuming serpent 1st verse, and copypat is the second verse. Well, we know. The cadence is there.

I also noticed a typo in copypats verse. Or maybe he meant it to be like that?

"a long day of shit, what a wrong way live" Maybe you meant to add "wrong way TO live" or wrong way liveD? Not sure. But it sounds odd, and incorrect if left that way. Just tiny nitpickings. Both were cool. I just think if certain divulged more, he'd be saying less, and the verse was perfect the way it was. Your styles actually sort of complimented each other, certain - technical and on par with surroundings. And Copypat a sort of erratic type of writing, and goes with the flow.

[Lars]

A long day of shit, what a wrong way live
Jobs make me sick but i just wanna make it rich


PREACHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Copy must have gone second both times, felt it though, fellas...

Keep those pens moving!

[CopyPat]

Def a typo, missing the "to" for sure, thx zombie
Zen holy shit man where ya been?? @PancakeBrah thx dude, whatsup with the write week shit?? first 2 were good, keep it going, no?

[PancakeBrah]

Got one coming this wednesday. I try not to do it everyweek, keep it fresh.

[Vulgar]

Nice collab doods. Both came correct.

And I haven't gone anywhere; my life's in stasis.
My time is wasted. Spineless. Basic. Blind to faces.
These blurred lines can shapeshift.
^Cool lines.

Aimless wonderer… career non-career haver
Makes me ponder with a beer on the pier after
A long day of shit, what a wrong way to live
Jobs make me sick but i just wanna make it rich
It’s just a yearly little chore cause i don’t all the way commit
And the fear of being bored is what always makes me quit.
^Fire, I really liked this part.

Keep doing shrooms

@Certain @CopyPat

[Dove Dozer]

Awesome writing by both here. Not much to say that everyone else hasnt said.

Props on this, really enjoyable read. Thanks fellas