Catastrophe & Ill Nikka Bring You: Round 3's (Final Four Edition) Magazine!

[Saint]

Catastrophe's Catastrophic Review of Week 3

The Halfrican ( who is fighting the flu, hella homework to do, and dealing with a new job) and the delusional Cuban who thinks he's a negro bring you yet another magazine for the 2005 Rap Leagues tag team battle tournament. Now that round 2 is now in the bag like the face of Prox's prom date...we set our sights to round 3. As we all knew, people would leave the tourney section once their team lost. To all of you who stayed, thank you very much! To those of you who didn't stick around...FUCK YOU!, don't be a bitch! But since you are, you can live life knowing that you're a bitch and that your mom hates the fact that she birthed you. I don't care. Now last weeks mag was the best mag ever, and yall are welcome. Sad to say that due to a few things that came up this week, this mag will not be as stellar. But either way, we will all deal with it.
And you will still love me.

ROUND 2 ACTION

This round-like any other tourney-featured matches that would be a little closer, or should we say a little tougher to determine the winner. First, lets look at a match in which we thought we'd see a verse from four different battlers, but instead, we saw verses from 3 battlers..huh? I know I know...crazy huh?

Smoke kills vs Cuddles Amongst Buzzards

So basically, in this battle it was Killamanjaro vs Stam & BST. I guess smokeone had no problem with Killa ghost writing his verse for him, but come on now, I thought this was supposed to be a team effort? As far as how Killa did...he gave smokeone the better verse and himself the short end of the stick. Stam and BST came out nicely, and were able blow past Smokekills on this one with a 5-0 shutout. But to be honest, we didn't expect much from smoke one in this round, so maybe it was better that killa wrote both verses. Either way, Cuddles advances.

Monsters Inc. Vs Perverted Monks

Now this match up looked to be a real slobber knocker regarding the teams that were facing off. But once you looked at the bars that were put up by each team, it may not have been the barn burner that we thought. Troublesome came average, and JC came good. But in this one, Kung and Nik were able to frighten the shit out of the perveted monks with a 5-0 victory. Not to say that the monks came week, but since quailty is of the essence, monsters got the W here.

Sexucators vs Jihad Against the Machine

Now this was one that we were all waiting for, and a lot of us seemed to see the battle differently. Each member has quality material in his verse. Some more then often then others, and some were spaced out with haymaker blows in there verse. Eq and Pulse have had long long bickers about who is the better battler and what not being that they never faced off until this round. Some thought that pulse should have came harder then he did, and some thought that eq should have came harder then he did. But when it was all said and done, it really came down to what their teamates put up in the fight. Slot had the best verse of the second round, and I beleive of the tourney so far. But in the end it just wasn't enough to molest the sexers out of a win. It came down to the wire, but sexers ended up winning by one vote. There is no question that this was the battle of the week, congrads to both teams...but the jihad machine got an STD virus in this one. Pulse and Darcy advance.

Writes You Need to Know vs Textceeing 101, BITCH!

Here, Envy (Tom Brady) and Prox went against the only team to post an upset in the first round. Could Textceeing pull it off again? I THINK NOT. This battle was Prox and Envy (Tom Brady) all the way, hitting on all angles and working well. However, textceeing shouldn't feel too bad since they caused an upset in the first round and ended up losing to the num 1 ranked team in the tourney. Now Writes has managed to keep up steady consistant verses for their first two bouts. But they will really be tested in the next round. Envy's (Tom Brady's) other team lost a huge one on sunday to the bolts...could this mean something for his team on RL. Well will see. But until then, writes find themself in round 3.


Catastrophe's Verse Of the Week Goes To
Slot Machine, reppin the no longer together duo of Jihad against the Machine

It’s the end of the road Darcy, this is where you fall from grace
Can the virgin win the tourney? Nah, he’ll never go all the way
We stand tall today, I know I got you amateurs nervous
Check the exchange rate Pulse, anything from Canada’s worth-less
This tandem is perfect, each letter typed is a stroke of genius
Uppercut your jaw so hard you’ll be speaking broken english
You know I mean it, we give out lickings like stamp collectors
Jihad'll beat you left and right til you call us ambidextrous
Hope yall planned your exit, you're saying goodbye tonight mate
The trouble I'm brewing makes Pulse look like a lightweight
Shouldn't try the high stakes, you won't go the distance this time
I'm bringing your skills into question like they witnessed a crime

^Thank you slot for bringing us the best verse of week 2!

Catastrophe's verse of the weak goes To:
Smokeone, reppin the no longer together duo of Smokekills.


^Thank you smokeone for not even writing a verse and having killa do it for you, you panzy!


Now instead of the top ten punches of the weak and week ( if you want them up do em yourself, I'm swamped with homework and I don't feel like sorting through the battles again so eat a dick if you're mad they aren't up) I bring you an Interview with the number 2 ranked squad...MONSTERS INC.

Catastrophe's Interview With Monsters Inc.
(Catastrophe X 03= Ya boy) (admiralsuckit=KungFuGrip) (UndrRap=Ill-Nikka)

Catastrophe X 03: Welcome!
admiralsuckit: hide your grandmother!
UndrRap: thats my line
Catastrophe X 03: ^got ya nik...
UndrRap: Welcome!!
Catastrophe X 03: Anyways, fellas...welcome to the final four of the 2005 Rap Leagues Tag Team Tourney...How does it feel to be here?
admiralsuckit: it feels good knowing I've helped squash dreams of glory for four people so far.
UndrRap: it feels great to be able to post Bye Bye threads
admiralsuckit: soon to be six
Catastrophe X 03: Haha, I would bet it does. Now both of you guys have proven that you can drop heat time and time again. What do you believe keeps you motivated to keep writing like this, and where do you turn for inspirtation?
admiralsuckit: Well as the high school alumni already knows, we just used to constantly clown everyone, and it just becomes second nature after a while.. hell.. I can't even keep a friend anymore.
UndrRap: I just enjoy writing, dont know if u've noticed LOL, I enjoy competition & winning is part of my nature, my inspiration is winning, I'm probably the most consistent battler on the net.
UndrRap: I dont think I've had a rest period longer then 2 weeks after how many years?? hahaha I'm the ill one!!
admiralsuckit: i'm inspired by making people feel bad about themselves and their accomplishments
UndrRap: yesssssss & i make fun of people with cottage cheese behind their ears
Catastrophe X 03: lol, well gentlemen. It shows. Back in the day, what made you start battling on the net? and why rl?
admiralsuckit: I just felt it was an opportunity to hurt feelings worldwide.
UndrRap: YESSS! & I hate Pulse's mom
admiralsuckit: Hey fuck you
UndrRap: oh wait, sorry Kung
Catastrophe X 03: lol
UndrRap: I started battling because textceeism is underappreciated in the real world, so Imma take it commercial & kill any backpackers dreams, makes sense? well neither does Aesop
admiralsuckit: I can wake up, destroy a kid from Ireland in a text battle, make him cry and then eat lunch.. that's an amazing thing right there.
UndrRap: I love pounding on Canadians
UndrRap: oh wait, sorry Kung
admiralsuckit: consider it water under the inner tube
UndrRap: I am a citizen!!!
Catastrophe X 03: Aesop sometimes makes sense nik, and yes kung, I agree with you there...Now at this point in both of your lives...how big of an influence has hip hop had on both of you?
Catastrophe X 03: And what rappers paticularly do you both prefer?
admiralsuckit: Hmm.. interesting question..
UndrRap: ummm Aesop sucks but umm, I've been listening to hip hop when underground niggaz made sense. I've been in it since the early 80's lets just say sine the break dancing days.
admiralsuckit: I'm listening to old stuff right now.. Critical Beatdown.. Straight Outa Compton, Ready to Die.. I'm not dead-set against backpackers like Fidel over here.. I loved Cage's new record
UndrRap: After the break dancing era I grew into the hardcore scene, always stuck with me but I've LEARNED to see how hip hop has grown & evolved, most people dont see that, its not all about lyrics...
UndrRap: theres more components that go into the "MUSIC"
UndrRap: backpackers were once kool Kung, until they started talking about orange skies & blue walls & wet images
admiralsuckit: I dont speak spanish
Catastrophe X 03: Nikka, why the extreme hate for backpackers?
UndrRap: my faves would have to be Eminem, Jigga & Joe Buddens now, I was an EPMD, BDP, Brandnubian nigga groeing up
admiralsuckit: nik-A be hating backpackers
UndrRap: because they stuck on the old, its time to grow out of that stage, the "music" has evolved, dont be mad at the success the "music" has reached its the same succes hiphop's forefathers fought for.
UndrRap: but remember underground doesnt = backpacker
Catastrophe X 03: Hmm, I see. Not to shabby of a point.
Catastrophe X 03: How far do you see yourselves going with hip hop. As in, will you always write? or maybe even branch of into audio and lay some stuff down?
admiralsuckit: That's a possibility.. but I don't plan on becoming a professional rapper..
admiralsuckit: I've actually been offered a deal on TVT Records
admiralsuckit: lmao
UndrRap: I was offered a 2 year DSL contract for textceeing but I said I do this for fun, I already went through those days I have a lotta conects with the local hiphop scene but I dont wanna pursue it I enjoy the writing portion the most as
admiralsuckit: My album would just be the clicking of a keyboard over beats
UndrRap: aside from hearing it of coarse
admiralsuckit: with Young Jeezy style adlibs
admiralsuckit: yyyyeeeeeeeahhhh
Catastrophe X 03: Oh is Thaaat riiiiiiiiiiiight?
admiralsuckit: oh fa sho
UndrRap: foshizzle dizzle
Catastrophe X 03: HAHA, great. Now for the up remaining battles, what can the voters expect?
Catastrophe X 03: From monsters...
UndrRap: expect Wade & Shaq
UndrRap: HEAT muhfucka
admiralsuckit: Expect the heat
UndrRap: thats all we revealing
admiralsuckit: BST and Stam might as well been called the Paraplegic Matadors
UndrRap: toro toro
Catastrophe X 03: Thems is fighting words!
UndrRap: naw man this a bullyism
UndrRap: is*
Catastrophe X 03: Well fellas..any closing words you would like to address to Rapleagues?
admiralsuckit: Canadians dominate your tournaments.. step your game up RL
admiralsuckit: and newbies are wack
UndrRap: Monsters INC be dope like coke on a boat afloat with no rope & the rest of yall got no hopes while we gloat
UndrRap: uhuh
UndrRap: & fuck Canada
admiralsuckit: fuck you Elian
UndrRap: oh wait, sorry Kung
Catastrophe X 03: Before you go, I have one last question for you Kung..are you ready?
admiralsuckit: yep
Catastrophe X 03: Ok..
Catastrophe X 03: What makes Cubans think they're black?
admiralsuckit: Hmm.. I'm glad you asked
admiralsuckit: I have a theory
Catastrophe X 03: Yes, enlighten us...
admiralsuckit: that anyone that isn't white considers themselves black nowadays
admiralsuckit: sometimes it spills over to the honkies
UndrRap: Fuck you Catash, you semi muhfucka!
Catastrophe X 03: AH HA! Well guys, best of luck in round 3. Thanks for the interview.

Well folks, that's all for round 2's wrap up, now I send you to Miami for an up to date look at the round 3 that is almost upon us. In the mean time GO RAIDERS!....

Back to you Nik!

INTRO & RANKS
Thanks once again Catash, Well everyone now knows why I picked a voting panel because as predicted there was going to be some lack of votes once people started getting eliminated. Everyone say "damn, u are the man ill nik-A". I know, I know…anyways last round we had blowouts, two Killamanjaros, & a battle that went down to the wire. As always the top ranked heads round up the semi finals of this tournament.

STILL IN…
1-Writes you need to Know (Envy & Prox)
2-Monsters INC (ill nik-A & kungfugrip)
3-Cuddles Amongst Buzzards (Bloodsweattears & Mental Stamina)
4-The Sexucators (Mister_Darcy & Pulse)
BREAKDOWNS, PREDICTIONS & ODDS

(1)Writes you need to Know (Envy & Prox) vs.
(4)The Sexucators (Mister_Darcy & Pulse)

This is when we hopefully get Writes to drop heat, after two rounds they havent impressed but I think u will get to see the real Envy & Proxy in this battle of the titans. Prox used a throw in the match line last week that I couldn’t believe & cat cook used a nipple line right after Slot used one last week, Lucky for them 101 didn’t drop enough. The Sexucators overdid the Arabian lines but had a funnier twist to their verses and happen to squeeze by Slot & EQ in a very close match according to the votes. I think both of these teams dropped less then anticipated but will not disappoint this week.

Prediction: The Sexucators
Spread: (-2)
(2)Monsters INC (ill nik-A & kungfugrip) vs.
(3)Cuddles Amongst Buzzards (Bloodsweattears & Mental Stamina)

Cuddles have been getting it done as they beat a double dose of Killa last week & won in convincing fashion. Stam seems to be comfortable with that abstract flow style he uses & has done it effective, but he will need more then frog lines this week.. BST is another flow based textcee and will try to get his revenge on urs truly, "the nikster", oh wait, they both will. Haha, anyways Kung last week dropped a nice verse & I’m just warming up so expect the oven on high as we get closer to the prize. In other words hope Stammy has his Jansport on tight & BST keeps his children on lock with his babysitting gear.

Prediction: Monsters INC
Spread: (-2.5)
FINAL THOUGHTS
The Final Four is in affect & expect to see the top 8 verses of the whole tourney. This what we in this bitch for, to rein supreme & that’s what everyone is pushing for. Also I expect voters to be consistent, make sure u are understanding the lines u are voting on. I saw some weirdness last round. Judge on overall value, don’t vote on expectancy. Well See u all next week & may the best men win. Well in Darcy’s case half man

Signing off
Your Favorite Cuban
Go Dolphins!