WK2 : Greed(0-1) vs. Innovator(0-1) - Greed 6-0

timeless · 10-06-2014, 06:48 AM

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here

Goodluck @Greed @Innovator

Topic - "Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel."

Greed · 10-10-2014, 03:25 AM

I’m in the executive suite, addressin a speech
Tryin to talk to these niggas man my message is peace
These faggot rappers still be tryin to come at me with beef
But I’m fuckin busy, I’ll get to your request in a week
For the rest of the week, I put a rest to the weak
I always kill the track its no contest with the beats
There better not be any person who is left in their seats
Cause I know my music personally connectin with each
It soothes me, it heals me
It moves me, it builds me
On the roof of the building shooting at the ceiling
Cryin out for god prayin that he hear me
But all I get is call back 'I’M fuckin busy'
What’s the deal with these freaks tryin to kill us at our peak
On the California coast we get our bread on the beach
baby doll fast asleep with her head on that sheet
as I think staring out the window of the executive suite

Music is my energy, the effigy of the lesson be
A recipe, simple to understand my belief in melody

People tellin me, the rumor is I got in the music biz to rule this shit
To unify the nation, have families singing in unison
To stand firm on some belief and abolish all the foolishness
Nah…… I did it for the free drugs and the groupie chicks

You in the cypher? Who’s in it? Them crews get it
Comin in confident’ll have you leaving livid
Messiah and shit, niggas say is he a vision?
Failure is not an option, continue, repeat mission
Heat vision, he different, give em three minutes
And I’ll circle the track, and I don’t mean sprintin
Weed in the system, I need an extention
Cause if I fail this test I’ll get to see what it be like in prison
If I was killed in action please believe the whole team miss him
Avoidin that, bravo better be in position
im white hot, follow if I’m needin assistance
Cause if this be a team, Im Mr. T with the writtens

Inno · 10-10-2014, 09:14 PM

had no time sorry

tubas, strings, trumpets and other things spread about
notes upon notes on the floor like discovered doubt.
a treasure that spouts a pleasure pleased for the crowds
a man alone among the brass is what will read on his epitaph
a beatin path like drums beat upon by thunders grasp
hes lost among the contrast and found along a jokerman
always brokenhearted, hes a beast of many burdens
a rolling stone crashing into waves made of silk curtains
while piano men sing his story to all the daveys in the navy
the diamonds of the world express his soul in many angles
shooting rifts along the rift across the split of time's channels

Certain · 10-11-2014, 02:06 PM

Greed: You were a few tweaks and specific references away from a pretty cool verse from the perspective of 2Pac. The character here reminded me so much of him, especially that four-line third stanza. I liked this verse, though it ended weak and some of the rhymes were quite forced. Your cadence was natural, and you avoided redundancy for the most part. The smooth read kept me going even when the content lacked. But the content did lack, as you didn't really deliver much of a message and didn't offer much insight into the character, instead describing him on the surface for the most part.

Innovator: This was very clumsy. There were really awkward turns of phrase ("pleasure pleased" being the most obvious), and the full vision of your verse never fully came together. In other words, you wrote this very quickly. The use of a bunch of classic rock and pop references was a nice touch that could have worked if you had tied everything together better. But you didn't really have anything here.

Vote: Greed

Adonis · 10-12-2014, 10:20 AM

Greed - was feeling the flow as always. Fast paced read, but you did jump around a bit. From speech on podium to roof top shooting at the ceiling. To looking at a girl sleeping, to spitting in a cypher. This however, did fit the topic really good, I just wish it had more cohesiveness.

Inno - some good lines and some not so good. For being short you would need next to no errors to win.

Vote Greed

NYCSPITZ · 10-12-2014, 01:22 PM

I thought this was about pac but some cool shit here greed. Bravo line and a few others were hot. Inno, you can do it up but obv rushed is obv

V/ greed

Three-Planes-Aligned · 10-12-2014, 01:41 PM

Greed - in-character this works really nice with a very authentic verbiage. Now, there's a coin-flip's chance you'll write something very similiar without the topic matching up too well and I'll be less impressed in retrospect but overall, I thought this was a breeze. Dem flows tight yo.

Innovator - Nope, did not like (which might not be much of a blow since I'm guessing 'had no time sorry' wasn't part of the verse). You know what it is man - this is almost too short to critique, no development or overarching theme to take a stab at. Your wording seems fairly solid, I'd like to see it expressed within the frame of an entire piece.

No surprises, Vote: Greed

CopyPat · 10-12-2014, 05:33 PM

again another good topic that really didn't get the verses i was hoping for to come out of it..

greed had a pretty solid verse, technically. the flow was good, vocab ok etc. but this was basically just a flex, felt like an om drop. i can see how it relates to the quote but damn.. so much more coulda been done with it

inno - rushed ur shit again... that aint gonna cut it. there just wasn't anything here, im sure u weren't expecting anything with that drop though? i guess props for not no showing but this didn't really help ur cause anyways..

Greed did just enough to win which wasn't much to be honest. you wrote an ok verse but the relation to the topic wasn't fully hitting..
you both are gonna need to step it up going forward. if u get matched up against one of the vets they'll crush efforts like this

V:greed

asylum · 10-12-2014, 11:18 PM

Similar approach.. greed had more content, which was more polished. /v greed

10-06-2014, 06:48 AM	#1
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	WK2 : Greed(0-1) vs. Innovator(0-1) - Greed 6-0 Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions. Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors. Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK . View Other Rules *Here* Goodluck @Greed @Innovator Topic - "Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel." Last edited by timeless; 10-10-2014 at 10:36 PM.

10-10-2014, 03:25 AM	#2
Greed Raw Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,721 Battle Record: 21-40 Rep Power: 29975687	I’m in the executive suite, addressin a speech Tryin to talk to these niggas man my message is peace These faggot rappers still be tryin to come at me with beef But I’m fuckin busy, I’ll get to your request in a week For the rest of the week, I put a rest to the weak I always kill the track its no contest with the beats There better not be any person who is left in their seats Cause I know my music personally connectin with each It soothes me, it heals me It moves me, it builds me On the roof of the building shooting at the ceiling Cryin out for god prayin that he hear me But all I get is call back 'I’M fuckin busy' What’s the deal with these freaks tryin to kill us at our peak On the California coast we get our bread on the beach baby doll fast asleep with her head on that sheet as I think staring out the window of the executive suite Music is my energy, the effigy of the lesson be A recipe, simple to understand my belief in melody People tellin me, the rumor is I got in the music biz to rule this shit To unify the nation, have families singing in unison To stand firm on some belief and abolish all the foolishness Nah…… I did it for the free drugs and the groupie chicks You in the cypher? Who’s in it? Them crews get it Comin in confident’ll have you leaving livid Messiah and shit, niggas say is he a vision? Failure is not an option, continue, repeat mission Heat vision, he different, give em three minutes And I’ll circle the track, and I don’t mean sprintin Weed in the system, I need an extention Cause if I fail this test I’ll get to see what it be like in prison If I was killed in action please believe the whole team miss him Avoidin that, bravo better be in position im white hot, follow if I’m needin assistance Cause if this be a team, Im Mr. T with the writtens Last edited by Greed; 10-10-2014 at 07:02 AM.

10-11-2014, 02:06 PM	#4
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Greed: You were a few tweaks and specific references away from a pretty cool verse from the perspective of 2Pac. The character here reminded me so much of him, especially that four-line third stanza. I liked this verse, though it ended weak and some of the rhymes were quite forced. Your cadence was natural, and you avoided redundancy for the most part. The smooth read kept me going even when the content lacked. But the content did lack, as you didn't really deliver much of a message and didn't offer much insight into the character, instead describing him on the surface for the most part. Innovator: This was very clumsy. There were really awkward turns of phrase ("pleasure pleased" being the most obvious), and the full vision of your verse never fully came together. In other words, you wrote this very quickly. The use of a bunch of classic rock and pop references was a nice touch that could have worked if you had tied everything together better. But you didn't really have anything here. Vote: Greed __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

10-12-2014, 10:20 AM	#5
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Greed - was feeling the flow as always. Fast paced read, but you did jump around a bit. From speech on podium to roof top shooting at the ceiling. To looking at a girl sleeping, to spitting in a cypher. This however, did fit the topic really good, I just wish it had more cohesiveness. Inno - some good lines and some not so good. For being short you would need next to no errors to win. Vote Greed __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

10-12-2014, 01:22 PM	#6
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	I thought this was about pac but some cool shit here greed. Bravo line and a few others were hot. Inno, you can do it up but obv rushed is obv V/ greed __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

10-10-2014, 09:14 PM	#3
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	had no time sorry tubas, strings, trumpets and other things spread about notes upon notes on the floor like discovered doubt. a treasure that spouts a pleasure pleased for the crowds a man alone among the brass is what will read on his epitaph a beatin path like drums beat upon by thunders grasp hes lost among the contrast and found along a jokerman always brokenhearted, hes a beast of many burdens a rolling stone crashing into waves made of silk curtains while piano men sing his story to all the daveys in the navy the diamonds of the world express his soul in many angles shooting rifts along the rift across the split of time's channels

10-12-2014, 01:41 PM	#7
Three-Planes-Aligned Hyphenated Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: The Black Lodge Posts: 79 Battle Record: 7-8 Rep Power: 549513	Greed - in-character this works really nice with a very authentic verbiage. Now, there's a coin-flip's chance you'll write something very similiar without the topic matching up too well and I'll be less impressed in retrospect but overall, I thought this was a breeze. Dem flows tight yo. Innovator - Nope, did not like (which might not be much of a blow since I'm guessing 'had no time sorry' wasn't part of the verse). You know what it is man - this is almost too short to critique, no development or overarching theme to take a stab at. Your wording seems fairly solid, I'd like to see it expressed within the frame of an entire piece. No surprises, Vote: Greed

10-12-2014, 05:33 PM	#8
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	again another good topic that really didn't get the verses i was hoping for to come out of it.. greed had a pretty solid verse, technically. the flow was good, vocab ok etc. but this was basically just a flex, felt like an om drop. i can see how it relates to the quote but damn.. so much more coulda been done with it inno - rushed ur shit again... that aint gonna cut it. there just wasn't anything here, im sure u weren't expecting anything with that drop though? i guess props for not no showing but this didn't really help ur cause anyways.. Greed did just enough to win which wasn't much to be honest. you wrote an ok verse but the relation to the topic wasn't fully hitting.. you both are gonna need to step it up going forward. if u get matched up against one of the vets they'll crush efforts like this V:greed __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-12-2014, 11:18 PM	#9
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 999 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214211	Similar approach.. greed had more content, which was more polished. /v greed