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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 125
Battle Record: 5-0
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 2645340 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Never going to dance again, stay tuned to the oddities’ dissonance
These feet aren’t guilty until solemnly proven innocent It’s obviously you. The instrument. Etch graffiti on my vertebrae. Sketching a sketch while it randomly percolates Drawing burgundy blood on my canvass, paint blushes the murder rate So disgustingly shy, it shutters the sky red Underlined by the blood-shot amplification of the iris The eye cannot vividly see, what isn’t visibly shown. Visions syncope closed. And the sights the imagery’s black sea. Imagine swimming in aquatic ink, waves of metallic jet gray Emphatic. Your head dazed. Underlay a set haze. Cause in sky, I can see rips. If you pry, where it seasons Through Your Highness, it’s weakness. Just please, try and defy what this beast spits, David, visit’s Goliath at his funeral Truly, cause’ beauty is in the eyes of behemoths. They’re up high, the scenery’s beautiful. A musical, without actors. Horizontal teleprompter, the crowd squawks encore Just a light show of shadows where fall leaves rumble a rustling ensemble feeling obscene chemical blast grids. Interweave a cut-scene of technical synapses. Cause this naked eyes, shy. Fuck, it’s covering up it’s privacy parts Blinking is only half the battle, cause opening up’s hard. The spoon in silver lining in my mouth is dying to talk |
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#2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 125
Battle Record: 5-0
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 2645340 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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i just said stuff
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#3 |
el es a la mode
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: slice of heaven
Posts: 94
Battle Record: 1-4
Rep Power: 37 ![]() |
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There's a lot of visual graphics in there, but it doesn't seem to all tie together as well as I'd like. I know there's a bunch of metaphors for what this means and I can catch some of them, but some of them aren't so easily defined to me.
I liked this line Drawing burgundy blood on my canvass, paint blushes the murder rate but I don't get this one So disgustingly shy, it shutters the sky red how does shyness color the sky the color of blood and war? well, some of it was interesting.
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#4 |
The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,822
Battle Record: 12-10
Rep Power: 10493983 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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for some crazy ass reason i read the name as scottie pippen rofl
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#5 | |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899407 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() Usual excellence. There were some streams of rhymes and thoughts I was jealous of.
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Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder |
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#6 |
...DA GAWD...
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Zombie this was rather an interesting read and tbh you just made me want to write go a stronger reason. You have really inspired me friend. The stream of thoughts in this was sort of intricate but had thy nice mellow flow to it. Nice shit I liked this alot and it really stood out but then again like said above... You just said stuff and it didn't reall tie to a certain diction more so like a vent of thought but still a nice drop man
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WP Po'ethics ![]() |
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#7 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 125
Battle Record: 5-0
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 2645340 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Thanks, story and pancake. very flattering. also GoW. Im glad you picked up on that. It was supposed to be that way. very keen
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#8 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,485
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606679 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Cool enough. Ending and beginning were your peaks by a long shot.
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#9 |
The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,822
Battle Record: 12-10
Rep Power: 10493983 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Never going to dance again, stay tuned to the oddities’ dissonance
These feet aren’t guilty until solemnly proven innocent It’s obviously you. The instrument. Etch graffiti on my vertebrae. Sketching a sketch while it randomly percolates the flow here was really nice the last 2 lines was G i thought Drawing burgundy blood on my canvass, paint blushes the murder rate So disgustingly shy, it shutters the sky red Underlined by the blood-shot amplification of the iris this was a nice part pretty descriptve The eye cannot vividly see, what isn’t visibly shown. Visions syncope closed. And the sights the imagery’s black sea. Imagine swimming in aquatic ink, waves of metallic jet gray Emphatic. Your head dazed. Underlay a set haze. Cause in sky, I can see rips. If you pry, where it seasons Through Your Highness, it’s weakness. this was really nice and the flow was smooth Just please, try and defy what this beast spits, David, visit’s Goliath at his funeral Truly, cause’ beauty is in the eyes of behemoths. They’re up high, the scenery’s beautiful. this is my fav bar of the piece, this is dope as fuck i thought A musical, without actors. Horizontal teleprompter, the crowd squawks encore Just a light show of shadows where fall leaves rumble a rustling ensemble feeling obscene chemical blast grids. Interweave a cut-scene of technical synapses. Cause this naked eyes, shy. Fuck, it’s covering up it’s privacy parts Blinking is only half the battle, cause opening up’s hard. The spoon in silver lining in my mouth is dying to talk nice ending this was a really dope piece i actually thought, at first read i thought it was to spaced out but then i read it again when i was high and the meta's is really nice they hit well and the writing in genereal is good, its almost got the feel that its covering alot of ideas but then that it doesnt lol its weird i dont know im high as shit but thought it was really dope, the ending line and the david goliath part was my faves |
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