Round 1: 12. UnbornBuddha vs. 5. Eŋg \\ Eŋg wins 5-0

Certain · 08-22-2014, 12:47 AM

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here.

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.

Topic

Dark Fantasy

Good luck, @UnbornBuddha and @Eŋg.

UnbornBuddha · 08-23-2014, 04:39 PM

My dream world’s ambiance is miasma and polluted waters.
My only fantasy is decoding what Hydra like mutants it harbors.
Okay that’s a lie; I also want to eye witness Lucifer’s murder.
Though, I’ll settle to being a spectator to a Unicorn’s aura.
Divine inspiration has me trying to find the pattern of humanoid sorrow.
But my own torture and lament has me wishing for another nuclear horror.
Perhaps world peace is to be found in the grammatical insanity of Confucius answers.
It’ll be nice, but I’m afraid that’s just self delusive chatter, a lunatic’s music channel.
To this day, my rabies like condition eludes all doctors. My brain stem oozes madness.
I picture a neoplasm so contagious you’ll be a goner once it blooms and blossoms.

Eŋg · 08-24-2014, 03:01 PM

A brutal battlefield battered with blackened bones,
cadavers sewn with scraps of stone make up ashen homes
bereft of tone - except headless crows, ***kling, roam
in ghastly droves to scan the road for passing souls lacking hope.
Cancered molds stagger growth - babies born without a pulse:
you hear the heart. It pounds. It won’t. Its sound is false.
Wear the hardship round your throat. Metal lungs
spread the love. Shell and slug pump out the loudest choke.
Found a rope which ties my noose, didn't try to pry it loose.
Climbed it to defy the tomb, not to live but die anew.

Pinot Grij · 08-29-2014, 11:27 AM

UnbornBuddha's verse seemed like it had a bit of an identity crisis. Like it was being pulled into two different directions - pleasant and disturbing. Rhyming was a little spotty as well.

Eng seemed to outclass Unborn in terms of structure and the rhyming kept the pace going and made it a more entertaining piece. For the limited content, he really painted a full picture and captured a great deal of depth. I liked it immensely.

Vote for Eng for a more concise, polished effort.

Blanco Bishop · 08-29-2014, 03:00 PM

Thought un was a little over the place. I get that maybe that's what he was going for but i think he could of brought together a little more.
En was a pretty dope verse imo. Everything about it was nice to me. Imagery.vocab. flow.

V en

NYCSPITZ · 08-29-2014, 09:46 PM

Dope by eng. great imagery and storytelling. Condensed and powerful. Buddha with some flashes, wasn't as coherent as could've been. V eng

jilti · 08-29-2014, 11:09 PM

Very solid drop by both.

Unborn, these were your standout lines..

My dream world’s ambiance is miasma and polluted waters.
My only fantasy is decoding what Hydra like mutants it harbors.
Okay that’s a lie; I also want to eye witness Lucifer’s murder.
Though, I’ll settle to being a spectator to a Unicorn’s aura.
Perhaps world peace is to be found in the grammatical insanity of Confucius answers.
It’ll be nice, but I’m afraid that’s just self delusive chatter, a lunatic’s music channel.

Eng, u put so much into 10 lines. Whole piece was excellent. Use of multis and rhyme complexity for imagery effect was exceptional. The first bar set the stage for the rest of your story

Vote - Eng.
just a little better overall

trap · 08-30-2014, 08:12 AM

Both had some great imagery. I think Engs was a bit more complete and polished, although both couldn't get out a full succinct story in the time allotted. I liked what UB wrote about, I think it was all over the place because it IS a fantasy, but I still think his story should've went somewhere. Engs did, but it also didn't end in my eyes.

My vote goes to Eng

08-22-2014, 12:47 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Round 1: 12. UnbornBuddha vs. 5. Eŋg \\ Eŋg wins 5-0 Welcome to Round 1! The Basics Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced. Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT. Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here. Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened. Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis. Topic Dark Fantasy Good luck, @UnbornBuddha and @Eŋg. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

08-23-2014, 04:39 PM	#2
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	My dream world’s ambiance is miasma and polluted waters. My only fantasy is decoding what Hydra like mutants it harbors. Okay that’s a lie; I also want to eye witness Lucifer’s murder. Though, I’ll settle to being a spectator to a Unicorn’s aura. Divine inspiration has me trying to find the pattern of humanoid sorrow. But my own torture and lament has me wishing for another nuclear horror. Perhaps world peace is to be found in the grammatical insanity of Confucius answers. It’ll be nice, but I’m afraid that’s just self delusive chatter, a lunatic’s music channel. To this day, my rabies like condition eludes all doctors. My brain stem oozes madness. I picture a neoplasm so contagious you’ll be a goner once it blooms and blossoms. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 08-24-2014 at 11:08 PM.

08-24-2014, 03:01 PM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	A brutal battlefield battered with blackened bones, cadavers sewn with scraps of stone make up ashen homes bereft of tone - except headless crows, **kling, roam in ghastly droves to scan the road for passing souls lacking hope. Cancered molds stagger growth - babies born without a pulse: you hear the heart. It pounds. It won’t. Its sound is false. Wear the hardship round your throat. Metal lungs spread the love. Shell and slug pump out the loudest choke. Found a rope which ties my noose, didn't try to pry it loose. Climbed it to defy the tomb, not to live but die anew. Last edited by Eŋg; 08-28-2014 at 08:42 PM.*

08-29-2014, 11:27 AM	#4
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	UnbornBuddha's verse seemed like it had a bit of an identity crisis. Like it was being pulled into two different directions - pleasant and disturbing. Rhyming was a little spotty as well. Eng seemed to outclass Unborn in terms of structure and the rhyming kept the pace going and made it a more entertaining piece. For the limited content, he really painted a full picture and captured a great deal of depth. I liked it immensely. Vote for Eng for a more concise, polished effort. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.

08-29-2014, 09:46 PM	#6
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	Dope by eng. great imagery and storytelling. Condensed and powerful. Buddha with some flashes, wasn't as coherent as could've been. V eng __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

08-29-2014, 03:00 PM	#5
Blanco Bishop Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Cali Posts: 1,460 Battle Record: 11-20 Rep Power: 4150485	Thought un was a little over the place. I get that maybe that's what he was going for but i think he could of brought together a little more. En was a pretty dope verse imo. Everything about it was nice to me. Imagery.vocab. flow. V en

08-29-2014, 11:09 PM	#7
jilti neckties Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,629 Battle Record: 43-19 Champed - BA Cypher - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 20816228	Very solid drop by both. Unborn, these were your standout lines.. My dream world’s ambiance is miasma and polluted waters. My only fantasy is decoding what Hydra like mutants it harbors. Okay that’s a lie; I also want to eye witness Lucifer’s murder. Though, I’ll settle to being a spectator to a Unicorn’s aura. Perhaps world peace is to be found in the grammatical insanity of Confucius answers. It’ll be nice, but I’m afraid that’s just self delusive chatter, a lunatic’s music channel. Eng, u put so much into 10 lines. Whole piece was excellent. Use of multis and rhyme complexity for imagery effect was exceptional. The first bar set the stage for the rest of your story Vote - Eng. just a little better overall

08-30-2014, 08:12 AM	#8
trap Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: KCMO. Posts: 377 Rep Power: 14025267	Both had some great imagery. I think Engs was a bit more complete and polished, although both couldn't get out a full succinct story in the time allotted. I liked what UB wrote about, I think it was all over the place because it IS a fantasy, but I still think his story should've went somewhere. Engs did, but it also didn't end in my eyes. My vote goes to Eng __________________ triplet syllables for minimal criminals.