The Light Goes Out

Illume · 07-05-2013, 08:09 AM

We roam on the outskirts of a world that's a broken home,
From a kingdom honed to hope, to cliques of killer drones,
radioactive isotopes leavin' us skin and bones,
Owing our souls, and we're diggin' ourselves the holes.
With trigonomic precision we're hollered into this prison,
This cult that man is bringin', never figuring faults we finger.
We create a vault for vision that halts the givin',
Stalls the wisdom, stops the driven .. and we still call this livin'?
A rigorous stench of criminal banks, and minimal factions,
Races bend to see killing 'collateral damage',
a cataclysmic blackness is the cause of fanatics,
We're specks on infinity's magic ... tainting the canvas.
The heavens peering upon a perspective planet,
Chaos theory is rampant, a perplexed race of pedantics,
And we expect that karmas lanterns'll control these spasms,
But even this phantom Illuminator sees the light as a has been.

Pakistani Hand Cannon · 07-28-2013, 11:07 AM

just cause you have something worth saying, doesnt mean you give no consideration to how its said.

in other words, although i can vibe with the majority of points made in this, your just regurgitating info you've heard or read & offered little to none of your own input thought process, & its just together bland as fuck, pardon the bluntness, but i cant call it anything else.

i didnt hate this, but i did dislike it for the reasons ive already mentioned, while it may have some content, it lacks everywhere else, for example, lets say im already aware of the points you're making with this piece? what else is there for me to appreciate? me personally? i cant find anything...

iunno if that makes any sense to you, & if it dont then its wdeva, #1 hold it down

07-05-2013, 08:09 AM	#1
Illume Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 145 Rep Power: 671780	The Light Goes Out We roam on the outskirts of a world that's a broken home, From a kingdom honed to hope, to cliques of killer drones, radioactive isotopes leavin' us skin and bones, Owing our souls, and we're diggin' ourselves the holes. With trigonomic precision we're hollered into this prison, This cult that man is bringin', never figuring faults we finger. We create a vault for vision that halts the givin', Stalls the wisdom, stops the driven .. and we still call this livin'? A rigorous stench of criminal banks, and minimal factions, Races bend to see killing 'collateral damage', a cataclysmic blackness is the cause of fanatics, We're specks on infinity's magic ... tainting the canvas. The heavens peering upon a perspective planet, Chaos theory is rampant, a perplexed race of pedantics, And we expect that karmas lanterns'll control these spasms, But even this phantom Illuminator sees the light as a has been. Last edited by Illume; 07-05-2013 at 09:16 AM.

07-28-2013, 11:07 AM	#2
Pakistani Hand Cannon Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 1,230 Rep Power: 5303583	just cause you have something worth saying, doesnt mean you give no consideration to how its said. in other words, although i can vibe with the majority of points made in this, your just regurgitating info you've heard or read & offered little to none of your own input thought process, & its just together bland as fuck, pardon the bluntness, but i cant call it anything else. i didnt hate this, but i did dislike it for the reasons ive already mentioned, while it may have some content, it lacks everywhere else, for example, lets say im already aware of the points you're making with this piece? what else is there for me to appreciate? me personally? i cant find anything... iunno if that makes any sense to you, & if it dont then its wdeva, #1 hold it down