Syrup skin:

[dead man]

syrup skin. tasting maple sugar coating a branch
milky flesh like fallen snow in the grass. folkloric romance
iron lemonade. paper acid hydrochloric, entranced
by the sound of it. it's counterfeit. please pour me a glass
choke. nostrils run a yolky yellowish tinge
keystroke letter syringe. soak. she wrote a heroin binge
leaking larynx fluid onto canvas for paint
savage and saint. eating passion fruit and masking the pain
candlestick imaginative on paraffin page
lighter fluid nightmares help me live for the day
set to engage. neon thunderstorms ecliptic invasion
while i'm building walls to keep them out of papier-mâché
it makes me anxious to say this. but i'm fading away
scared to face the finale but it was only a phase
time to reevaluate the roads that you've taken
when egoism overtakes your social engagements
ambrosian the plates, tectonic monolith shape-shift
mass recolonization. anthropological matrix
kafkaesque, the jaded. it was a novel mistake
allowing me to occupy this column of space
microcosmos retraced. manifest the marvelous. wait
let me let it breathe. take a minute. pause and replay -
for honesty's sake let's all just admit it, we're fake
i'll take a warm bullet over heartless embrace
starry your gaze. stacked like Giza's architectural slaves
Pharaoh pheromones. Imhotep's ancestral remains
the only conviction that never led me astray:
shoot the messenger but kill the one the messenger blamed
stasis still provides a rather comfortable state
cuz every step forward is a step in the grave
can't help but feel like everything i write is in vain
because it never feels the same. the worst addiction is change
but that's nature and it stays. human conditions are strange
nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds
speak and make me real to you. i'm rotting inside
it's like the only thing i fear is being alive

[big baby]

Very descriptive in its delphian prose. I liked the way it picked up towards the end

choke. nostrils run a yolky yellowish tinge
keystroke letter syringe. soak. she wrote a heroin binge
leaking larynx fluid onto canvas for paint
savage and saint. eating passion fruit and masking the pain
candlestick imaginative on paraffin page

You're exclusive when it comes to the descriptive end using a set scene of chemist like captions. Paraffin, leaking larynx fluid, 'wrote' a heroin binge, EATING passion fruit, and MASKING the pain. Candlestick. There's a word for all this, it's a descriptive end of things that shows a personable action through words, verbs, adjectives alike. It's tricky but it's effective. This seemed a little bit less black, and a little more inspired. Or maybe evolved black? I liked the scene setting in the beginning but it wrote a bit too condensed in where I think the descriptive sentience made it a bit to overwhelming for the reader to grasp; and even when it was grasped it just seemed a bit less full of context and more full of concept.

You became vintage and started targeting the human psyche. The human warp, you used an onslaught of the differentiating aspect of contrast and worked it to your advantage. Cool

because it never feels the same. the worst addiction is change
but that's nature and it stays. human conditions are strange
nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds

Your writing has this certain spin to it that encapsulates the feeling, and paints a plateauing landscape that the reader can ride on, and not necessarily fall of. You suggest certain measures of the human aspect and question it without imposing a question - this is important for writers to do because the asking of questions isn't always in question form - and it denies the need for a consistent rhetorically asked statement. You tie in a certain picture and you stick to it, without using any weird obviously subtle tangents (which you did in the beginning, which wasnt as good as the end, obviously) sadness breeds creativity they say - I just wonder what other emotion breeds something that can captivate.

[dead man]

and it was done this year!

jk but really. hoping to read something new from you soon...

thanks bb

[DexLabb]

ehhhhhh.

[Ghost1]

Dex buthurt LIKE A MUG


PINKSLIPBFAGGOT

Sup?

[DexLabb]

i love u bags bro i got u a promise ring, srs tho
u have done better black

[dead man]

Y u think dis

[NYCSPITZ]

lol this guy said Delphian...

Being trapped in the prison of your own mind, the masks that we wear and the sheer weight and gravity of life all resound powerfully in this verse. The mark of a cunning observer, a heightened consciousness and possibly a rabid cunnilinguist. Also encompasses all three major themes of life (love freedom death) Really picked up from here:

time to reevaluate the roads that you've taken
when egoism overtakes your social engagements (tru dat)
ambrosian the plates, tectonic monolith shape-shift
mass recolonization. anthropological matrix
kafkaesque, the jaded. it was a novel mistake (WOOO)
allowing me to occupy this column of space
microcosmos retraced. manifest the marvelous. wait
let me let it breathe. take a minute. pause and replay -
for honesty's sake let's all just admit it, we're fake (damn)
i'll take a warm bullet over heartless embrace
starry your gaze. stacked like Giza's architectural slaves
Pharaoh pheromones. Imhotep's ancestral remains
the only conviction that never led me astray:
shoot the messenger but kill the one the messenger blamed
stasis still provides a rather comfortable state
cuz every step forward is a step in the grave
can't help but feel like everything i write is in vain
because it never feels the same. the worst addiction is change
but that's nature and it stays. human conditions are strange
nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds (damn)
speak and make me real to you. i'm rotting inside
it's like the only thing i fear is being alive

9.5/10

Keep the pen swole my g

[YDK]

dopeness as usual B, halfway through i thought you were gonna say this was your textual retirement and nearly cried lol keep it up bruh we need to collab sometime

[Frank]

When ydk feels like its okay to ask Black to collab you know need to step it up!



Mixed some lines I liked into a little mini verse

iron lemonade. paper acid hydrochloric, entranced
by the sound of it. it's counterfeit. please pour me a glass
leaking larynx fluid onto canvas for paint
savage and saint. eating passion fruit and masking the pain
ambrosian the plates, tectonic monolith shape-shift
mass recolonization. anthropological matrix
kafkaesque, the jaded. it was a novel mistake
allowing me to occupy this column of space
microcosmos retraced.
i'll take a warm bullet over heartless embrace
starry your gaze. stacked like Giza's architectural slaves
Pharaoh pheromones. Imhotep's ancestral remains

Nice work

[Split]

Originally Posted by dead man

nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds

[Wise Wiggles]

holy Jesus diapers

[oats]

Dope. On the metro so I won't say much now, but this inspired me to finish a verse that's been sitting around for weeks. Can't think of a higher compliment.

[Certain]

syrup skin. tasting maple sugar coating a branch
milky flesh like fallen snow in the grass. folkloric romance
iron lemonade. paper acid hydrochloric, entranced
by the sound of it. it's counterfeit. please pour me a glass
choke. nostrils run a yolky yellowish tinge
keystroke letter syringe. soak. she wrote a heroin binge
leaking larynx fluid onto canvas for paint
savage and saint. eating passion fruit and masking the pain
candlestick imaginative on paraffin page
lighter fluid nightmares help me live for the day

I loved the balance here between the sweet and bitter/poisonous liquids. Maybe a little too obvious but strong and naturally written, while keeping with your usual cadence. Something to remember this verse by.

set to engage. neon thunderstorms ecliptic invasion
while i'm building walls to keep them out of papier-mâché
it makes me anxious to say this. but i'm fading away
scared to face the finale but it was only a phase
time to reevaluate the roads that you've taken
when egoism overtakes your social engagements

Vintage dead man. Such strong diction here holding together these loose concepts.

ambrosian the plates, tectonic monolith shape-shift
mass recolonization. anthropological matrix
kafkaesque, the jaded. it was a novel mistake
allowing me to occupy this column of space
microcosmos retraced. manifest the marvelous. wait
let me let it breathe. take a minute. pause and replay -
for honesty's sake let's all just admit it, we're fake
i'll take a warm bullet over heartless embrace

The first half of this quote seemed like you were going through the motions of your style a bit. I prefer when you pull out of the abstract and make statements like the last three lines of this quote. That's you at your best, in my opinion.

starry your gaze. stacked like Giza's architectural slaves
Pharaoh pheromones. Imhotep's ancestral remains
the only conviction that never led me astray:
shoot the messenger but kill the one the messenger blamed

This was solid but unremarkable. The fact that you betrayed your cadence a bit leads me to believe you liked that messenger line more than it was worth.

stasis still provides a rather comfortable state
cuz every step forward is a step in the grave
can't help but feel like everything i write is in vain
because it never feels the same. the worst addiction is change

A bit on the trite side of metaphor.

but that's nature and it stays. human conditions are strange
nothing like the sciences could ever explain. like
if April can extinguish a particular flame
we'll abandon dry shelter just to sit in the rain
sit with me and speak beneath the willow at 5
limbs warping under pressure like developing minds
speak and make me real to you. i'm rotting inside
it's like the only thing i fear is being alive

Very strong return to the character from the beginning, who had felt a bit abandoned by most of the heart of this verse. You usually do well with your endings, culminating the feelings and getting to the point a bit. I think this verse's biggest issues were being a bit too long and not being completely cohesive.