( Geno & Mr. J ) -When A Man Loves A Woman

[Geno]

Mr. J..
Are you..at my doorway knockin', portrayin' loss and...
pain maybe? what would you really gain baby...
what's at the top end...what's wrong with the bottom?
maybe my aim is...maybe my aim is aimless..problem?
didn't think so, often I dream of bliss..of being monogamus
droppin' off radar and living quaint behind picket signs
where lifted eyes are high as the spirits of...lifted lives
rejected to live it twice but still can't seem to admit the lies..
but that's random theory, that I haven't grasped as clearly
we can relapse to merely..catch the rays they guided by
the same truth you try to find...beyond the highest heights
rules you abided by..kicked off usually off of 50/50
your friends and you, that somehow seem to really get me
but I ain't playin' round, because if you had to say it now
I'd blaze this round straight through our temples..lay it down
like I should have, but that perception is funny to look at...
because what's gone is gone darling...no need to look back

Geno..
After hundreds of games, nutcase with a touch of disdain
Bubbling flames, of True love, its just a punishment -pain
A grudge, a dirty smudge of the paint, this woman of art
Never stands for anything until she puts a foot through ur heart
And uses it for bait, on the very same hook you were caught
The eye opening realization leaves you with a look of the lost
The dirty stains, all the sut from the smog, the cough in ur lungs
The very same feeling u'd get when the hood from ur coffin is shut
You cant recall when it was, the vey pinpoint of it all going wrong
Cause your so depressed from the feeling that it all was ur fault
Ur daughter -ur loss, the love of ur life's more like the death of u now
the cage u've built is ur home, and they ain't talkin bout lettin u out
Destiny -doubt, I know its true when they said the devils a bitch
Cause I could feel its touch when I layed down in bed with it -kissed
The kind of lust I could never resist, wide hips, beautiful shape
I thought I found true love, if I only knew it was fake
Ruined my faith, now I stare at the moon -alone, truelly amazed
Because I have it sketched next to your name, a tattoo, its a shame
My shoulder plate glows with hate, I've got to erase u from my flesh
Everytime I fucking see it, it reminds me of stupid regrets
Bitch...

[IamBenT]

Mr J - Really liked this, very poetic, sort of rambling, great sense of personal voice and almost nostalgic/elegiac at parts, and a real sense of loss that's summed up at the verse

Geno - really built on Mr. J's, where he seemed a bit sad and wistful, you burned with that flame and understanding of the back and forth that comes through between real love. Some great quotable lines in this, i feel like near the middle the flow tapered off a bit but the images were consistent and the story yall both weave worked so seamless, great collabo writing..

but I ain't playin' round, because if you had to say it now
I'd blaze this round straight through our temples..lay it down
like I should have, but that perception is funny to look at...
because what's gone is gone darling...no need to look back

- just wow writing, great flow, great ending, great visual

A grudge, a dirty smudge of the paint, this woman of art
Never stands for anything until she puts a foot through ur heart

- great wordplay

Ur daughter -ur loss, the love of ur life's more like the death of u now
the cage u've built is ur home, and they ain't talkin bout lettin u out
Destiny -doubt, I know its true when they said the devils a bitch
Cause I could feel its touch when I layed down in bed with it -kissed

you did that "-rhyme" connection a couple of times, creative way to keep the flow, may not work for some, but it worked for me!

[Mr. J]

thanks bro...Geno that was a sick verse..nice work man

[Natural]

I thought this was a good piece as a whole. 6.5 as a whole. I'm kinda picky with my standards so thats a pretty damn good score.
J did far better than i was expecting(no hate intended). I wasn't a fan of the structure but everything else was on point.

Fav part by j was
Are you..at my doorway knockin', portrayin' loss and... pain maybe? what would you really gain baby... what's at the top end...what's wrong with the bottom? maybe my aim is...maybe my aim is aimless..problem? didn't think so, often I dream of bliss..of being monogamus

Geno.
I do still think its not a stray out of your normal style but i can't deny its quality writing.
My fav part is
Neverstandsfor anything until she puts a foot through ur heart
^ that line dope &

The kind of lust I could never resist, wide hips, beautiful shape I thought I found true love, if I only knew it was fake Ruined my faith, now I stare at the moon -alone, truelly amazed Because I have it sketched next to your name, a tattoo, its a shame My shoulder plateglows with hate, I've got to erase u from my flesh Everytime I fucking see it, it reminds me of stupid regrets Bitch.
^ dope

[Mr. J]

bump

[Split]

Yo this was incredible... J my man, you got bars. Keep hustlin cuz. like how you worked with schemes here, unorthodox but truly its by the books with the way you advanced it. we gotta collab soon, if you send me a topic or a few short lines I'll hit you back and we should cypher something out. I might get on again this Monday

Geno. I think when i first started I always threw you criticism, I don't remember why, but I recently remembered what it was and realized I didn't know what I was talking about lol. That being said, glad to have you back man.

Your insight/ guru like presence was missed @ both of you

Keep keyin

[Geno]

as;dfjas;ldkhfjas';lkasdjd yup up