AOWL Week 6: c.d.m (2-3) VS. Zenland (2-3) [ZENLAND WINS, 8-3.]

[Frank]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/23 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/24 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

TOPIC: "The Road" - (selected by Adonis)

Good luck to both participants. @c.d.m @ZenLand

[Zen]

Check

[King Ra.]

@c.d.m. you owe 4 votes extra this week. Any missing votes this week will count as a deduction towards the final tally of this match.

Zenland is clear.

[Zen]

Letters from the Crossroad

My feet are swollen, But I keep on strollin through the heat that's growin,
No leaves are blowin, But there's no use in stoppin
I have no use, I'm rotten, The best picker but I'm less, a nigger
Raised off of blues and cotton and since I refuse to rot in
The noose they're droppin I'm confused, a problem,
So I leave the talking and keep walking after they got my boy Bruce and shot him,
They refuse to stop them, they choose to watch them
Lynch mobs get pissed off and leave us strangled
As our feet dangle in the trees beneath the angels
Beaten and mangled to tout their dominance
In a message sent that's evident it's without a conscience
Only about nonsense, So I packed my bags with a map and cash
And left the past at last but fears still instilled and mashed
And it's grown and grown, But a home ain't a home when it's filled with trash,
So I left that building fast and grabbed a guitar and pick
And a cart of cigs and learned where hell charted through,
Learned the twelve bar blues and charted quick to new points,
Gamblin and ramblin from juke joint to juke joint,
A livin attraction talented and travelin from Memphis to Jackson
With and women and cashin in on my gold record, I know I shoulda known better,
So mama here's my note, my letter, Sorry I left you neglected,
I'm just waiting on a debt to be collected and it's nearly locked in,
I reckon in a second I'll die a legend, But know I miss ya and I'm always with ya,
Sincerely, Robert Johnson

[veritas]

Originally Posted by King Keith

@c.d.m. you owe 4 votes extra this week. Any missing votes this week will count as a deduction towards the final tally of this match.

Zenland is clear.

Yes sir. I was out of town. Check

[veritas]

The heaven’s rain nourishes my sun soaked cracks,
In the day they make their way, in the night I can relax.

Nothing left to say, cuz they’ve nothing left to ask,
Blame the great neon stars, providing distractions to bask.

Seen seasons serenely pass, seasoned in wrath,
Seen seasons swiftly clash with reason’s math.

Seen tears hit my span when life don’t go to plan,
Seen blood drench the land when strife brings the <<blam.>>

Listened to the lies that painted love with a bad name,
Heard the effects of jealously give it the reasons to blame

seen men sit and freeze in the cold, seeking only charity
Seen children lost, innocence depart, and life made a parody

Felt the rush of ambition tread upon me as a tidal wave of hope
Felt the rush of addiction fed from the highest strains of dope

Smell the fear in the air; perceive the masks that they wear
Felt the earth whisper wind to leave tree’s leaves bare

My whole life has been warfare to simply remain stable
For the wisest see that in this task there are twain few able

No one looks past my surface, or the service I provide
To keep you safe from nature when its borders and mine collide

Outside physically, but they are inside mentally, sometimes I trip them
Lack of attention being paid, relayed in claims of me playing the victim

As I corner the scene, I wonder if my angles are any more serene,
The forces are keen that keep
things always what they seem.

I have always looked up to you, you have always looked down on me…
For I am the road of which life journeys on….I am the road of eternity

[Split]

hoked on phanix werked for mi

[IamBenT]

Great battle!

Zenland - Yo really liked the flow in this, great use of multis, very descriptive and made the road come alive both in the artist's life and metaphorically as a road he had to travel to be great. The allusion may be a bit obscure but I really appreciate verses like these that bring to light someone's life in a way only hip-hop can. there were a few rhyme errors that bothered me a bit, places where I felt you could clean up the word usage, tighten for our reading's sake, but i wanted MORE out of this verse interms of length actually, cuz it was a cool story.

c.d.m - I really like the very poetic vibe you took with this, powerful use of imagery, your scheme was solid for the most part until the end where you lost me a bit as your diction became a bit more vague, I really like the theme here of an endless road that suffers along with the travelers, that is kind of like watching and living it and kind of sadly forced to always participate in this.

Vote -zenland, i really liked BOTH verses actually and would have liked to see both get developed, but I feel Zenland's verse appealed to my sensibilities a bit more and had a refreshing ending to it.

[Adonis]

Zenland - I liked the ending. Robert was writing a letter to his mom basically saying he sold his soul for fame and knows his soul will be collected soon. Thought that was a great twist on the concept, which as far as the concept goes, Golden. The flow was good, I will say I did not like "Raised off of blues and cotton and since I refuse to rot in The noose they're droppin I'm confused, a problem" I've never been a fan of having a rhyme mid sentence which you did here. IMO, doing this often does not work because I'm carefully reading each word and I have to double take because the sentence doesn't make sense, so I re-read the line then the next before realizing what you are saying. IDK it's just a preference thing. All in all I did enjoy the read, especially the story behind it. Solid drop.


CDM - I enjoyed your twist on the topic, you took it very literal and took something so common as a road and gave it life. I liked the imagery, the dead, the drugs, basically everything the road sees. I liked the flow with the exception of this tongue twister...My whole life has been warfare to simply remain stable/For the wisest see that in this task there are twain few able". The last line was the tongue twister part, also the word "twain" through me off because I don't get..."there are two few able", I don't get it?? All in all a very solid drop with much imagery.


Vote - This is another close one, but I feel Zen took it based off giving some emotion to what was pretty much dead even viewing on concept, flow and word usage. Basically the emotion put you over the top. Close call though, both of you guys have solid reads and appreciate you for that.

[Vinzr]

Gonna do this one quick sorrry bout this. Overall i dug Zen's approach, concept and execution in this....his piece was technical and had a nice touch of emotion. CDM you had some very nice imagery in your piece my man, made it very worthwhile to read and im a huge sucker for good imagery. However i gotta say i dug Zen's approach and concept more here....good job to the both of you for dropping some good stuff

v/ Zenland

[Red glare]

zenland; admired the flow of this jawn... you did not commit to any 1 rhyme scheme...
it was sporadic; fresh and unsettling....
great job of staying on your toes with the flows...bobbing and weaving man...
the story itself was free spirited man... it read like a runaway cargo train man

c.d.m; I could tell you read the bible man; it shows... good verse man
you lost ground after the blam line; lost your footing man...
picked it up in the end with the corners and ''looking up to me'' quote
more of that would've been dope man instead of the; vague plague

good battle. v/ zenland. flow was unqiue and story had heart.

[Exoduzt]

Zenland: I like the direction you took. The road to fame almost. I like that you turned it into a letter to his mother. That was cool. The flow was good for the most part but in some areas I feel it could have been a lot stronger if you just worded a couple of lines better. The filled with trash line was really nice and could have been a lot smoother if you just changed a few things around. overall I think you hit on the topic nicely.

c.d.m: Wow I really enjoyed your verse. The poetic direction you took it was awesome. Your flow on some of the lines were really fluid.

"seen men sit and freeze in the cold, seeking only charity
Seen children lost, innocence depart, and life made a parody

Felt the rush of ambition tread upon me as a tidal wave of hope
Felt the rush of addiction fed from the highest strains of dope"---this section was really nice it stood out to me. very fluid. I also like how you interpreted the topic too. some of your lines were choppy too. I wish you kept this flow out throughout the whole verse...

MVGT: c.d.m I liked the road you took better so to speak...this was a great battle...big ups to both of you

[Cereal_Killa]

Zen:
:) nice, simple but direct and oh so smooth.. very fitting.. I really love his story tbh you didn’t really do it complete justice in the way of content but you did scratch the surface which was enough.. Im assuming due to time restraints you didn’t go in depth on his story cause there is so much to this.. This verse had warmth, heart and of course soul which was beautiful to read.. I really do admire the urban legend of the devils trade and your link to the topic couldn’t have been more perfect.. Flow cool, vocab cool, structure nice in the end compared to what I’ve read from you this was toned down but still a wonderful piece.. Good looks.

"And it's grown and grown, But a home ain't a home when it's filled with trash"

real nice..

c-d-m:
Poetic, rhythmic and inspiring.. At the last bar with some final words of wisdom you brought light.. I liked this piece, didn’t really love the structure with the bar for bar break up but still the overall piece was tight. Your wording was strong in meaning but of soft description so they rolled through my mind like water.. Dude cool drop

“No one looks past my surface, or the service I provide
To keep you safe from nature when its borders and mine collide”

^ I love this delicate image soo much

Vote = zenland

This has been the hardest to vote on purely cause one was all story where the other was a sync of beautiful images.. I personally tend to edge towards the verse which has a more developed story but this was hard in this case cause, c-d-m’s was like he captured my brain in a crystal globe of innocence and zen didn’t bring the inferno that should have come from that story.. Now don’t get me wrong what zen brought was amazing and imo enough to trump 13 bars of pretty pictures but the verse from other matches this week have been truly n utterly insane, so I am sorry for the harsh judgement.. You guys both still rocked this ish..

[Mike Wrecka]

awesome battle

zenland - really good verse. very solid mechanics and story telling. it was literal in nature. didnt use many metaphors or similies and kinda reminded me of my verse last week. get so focused on moving the story along that you forget to add emotion. i mean it was there to a degree but it didnt hit me in the face. the flow was great. very good cadence. overall and awesome verse. good job.

cdm- i thought ur piece was dope. and you went a little more abstract which i enjoyed. it had the cadence that i really enjoy reading. slow and deliberate.

Seen seasons serenely pass, seasoned in wrath,
Seen seasons swiftly clash with reason’s math.
Seen tears hit my span when life don’t go to plan,
Seen blood drench the land when strife brings the <<blam.>>

awesome.

overall- zen had a really well flowing and constructed verse that told an interesting story. kept me locked in. cdm used more of an approach that made you find meaning behind what he was saying. and i liked that. very close but i got

vote- cdm

[Ink]

ZenLand: After reading this piece... I felt myself wanting to see more... The rhymes were everywhere, and that helped carry the piece through at a steady clip, but the rhymes weren't particularly amazing themselves (not bad by any means, though). The first half reminded me of Strange Fruit.. but I think where I felt it was lacking was the transition to him picking up music.. it just came too easily when placed right after the scene you painted before it and I wished the story was more fleshed out in that respect.

c.d.m:

Listened to the lies that painted love with a bad name,

was nice.
Compared to ZenLands, yours was a more even tempered piece.. Less focus on the rhyming, more focus on the actual idea you were trying to convey... The way you laid this out allowed for some lines to hit really hard.. but with that in mind, some lines didn't pack quite the punch as others did..

This is actually a pretty tough decision... At first I wanted to give it to cdm.. then I read the verses again and leaned towards ZenLand.. And in the end, I'm going to give this to..

Vote- ZenLand. if cdm's lines were more tightened up, I think I would have given it to him hands down... but as it is, ZenLand had the overall better piece this time around..

[PancakeBrah]

ZenLand-

I thought I was going to hate this after the first few lines but you really have a knack for strong rhyming. That whole blues and cotton scheme was worded perfectly, read it a couple times. Fun to read. Instilled and mashed, mashed specifically, was forced. Your content was just okay, to me. Guitar and pick and cart of cigs was excellent. Perfect little rhyme. Robert Johnson, ok. you could've put any seminal musician, really (except Vampire Weekend, mirite!), and it would have worked. Maybe there were some personal allusions for Mr. Johnson I'm just not up to date on, but that's pretty irrelevant. Medium paragraph story short, you had a lot of cool rhymes that kept me interested but your content was just okay.

Veritas-

Faux deep is cool. There were some cool couplets. This just seemed like your boarding habits, a bit forced meanwhile just solid with the expectations raised by your persona. Shit was just okay and spacing the couplets just gives the whole piece a false sense of import and turns me off. Honestly expected to vote for you prior to entering the battle. But the content was expected, as well. Although that begets the whole "what hasn't been done before blah blah blah blah blah" argument, but whatever.


Zero Dark Thirty was better than Argo.


Such as Zenland was better than Veritas. both were bleh content to me, Zenland entertained me more.

[Inno]

zen

man your record doenst do you justice lol...nah but yo this was some fire man..i thought your slick rhyming was almost sneaky at times it was that good lol
felt like you took this topic and ran with it..great persepective on the tipic forreal man. also enjoyed the great imagery this conveyed..you really put me there
i mean you even go as far as to write like the time period your character is frm..i thought that added s much depth and orginality to yur verse...great stuff man
no complaints really...


cdm.

well godam this was dope as fuck..i thought zen dropped a ill verse jesus man....outstanding point of view of the topic..i mean dam i would of never thought of writing
from the roads persecptive..very original idea and your storytelling is onpoint through out the entire piece...felt a little dragged towards the end but you made up for it
with a strong ending..i also enjoyed the tone this had..didnt reallty have that traditional topical feel that frequents these leagues...i dont wanna say preachy..but it felt like
it was being narrated to me by this distiguished gentlement lol..great stuff man..

overall

i got cdm on this one...tbh i see no flaws in either piece...and both dropped some fire fucking verses...but in the end i gotta with CDM his concept was just dope as fuck
and im sure its been done before...i havent seen it..and this was some ill shit i just read..so really it came down to preference..and i got CDM with that..great battle tho
foreal foreal...

[King Ra.]

ZENLAND WINS, 8-3.

[King Ra.]

Interesting battle here. Zenland, I liked your direction here. Did a good job with really portraying your characters thoughts & feelings through a letter. I wasn't too impressed with the rhyme scheme, it seemed a bit choppy & there were times where you seemed to throw words together to keep the flow going which sacrificed somewhat some potential solid imagery/details. Nonetheless, it was a solid piece. c.d.m., you had the better mechanics in this match, good approach to the topic, a more literal take, but the imagery & details were pretty good. Scheme was predictable. I wouldn't say this is one of your better drops compared to your last two. It's missing that "it" factor that you usually bring.

MVGT: Zenland.